Ablosh Writes

A Disappointment

2010-08-13T16:32:00.002+08:00

Perhaps, what would be worst that failing yourself is failing your parents, to hear them say, "I'm disappointed at you." Or even just to see their eyes convey their sadness at how you weren't able to reach their expectations.

Maybe this is why despite the boring routine of having to work for the family, I stay and I strive... So that one day, maybe, they can truly, honestly, wholeheartedly say, "I am proud of you."

Someday... Maybe...

Changing

2010-07-20T15:57:00.003+08:00

Change is hard.

It is in our human nature to resist change, and yet, change is also inevitable. Even the hardest of rocks gets weathered and transformed by nature's elements... Sometimes, even without it moving an inch.

I turned 25 this year and I vowed to change. I announced to the world that I would make this year a truly unforgettable one. And that only meant that I HAVE BECOME WILLING TO CHANGE, to be sharpened and molded into becoming a better version of me. And for someone as stubborn and as "sigurista" as I am, it would mean risking failure and becoming openly vulnerable to whatever God plans for me.

Fear tries to hold me back, but a voice inside me reminds me of my promise to change. So I go on, one uncertain step at a time with a lot of faith in my heart, and bright smile on my face. See you when I get there!

Here's to a new me! Cheers! :D

A Great Reminder to Wait

2010-07-16T14:21:00.002+08:00

"Lord, I am ready to commit myself to someone I want to fall in love with. Could I take him now? I have prayed for him for quite a time now."

But the Lord answered, "No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone. You need to give yourself totally unreserved to Me because in Me your satisfaction is to be found and when you learn to commit yourself to Me alone then, only then is the right time for you to be capable of perfect human relationship that I have planned for you long before you thought of it.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me. You will never learn to speak and understand the true language of love until you hear Me speak it. You will never learn how it is to love and be loved until you feel the tender touch of My Love.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to step in and give you the most surprising and exciting plan that you can imagine. You are My child. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. Fix your eyes on Me and expect the greatest things as you watch.

Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM. Learn all the things I tell you and be patient. Just wait.

Don't be anxious. Do not worry. Don't look around and feel jealous at the things others may have gotten. Yours will be different because I LOVE YOU. Don't look at the things you think you want. They may not be the things I want for you. Look up straight at Me because you might miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a lover far more wonderful than what you would ever dream of. But I won't let you have it until you are ready and the one I prepared for you is ready, until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you."

Women, Food and God: An Excerpt

2010-07-13T11:27:00.001+08:00

The bottom line, whether you weigh 340 pounds or 150 pounds, is that when you eat when you are not hungry, you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredom or illness or loss or grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. Food is only the middleman, the means to the end. Of altering your emotions. Of making yourself numb. Of creating a secondary problem when the original problem becomes too uncomfortable. Of dying slowly rather than coming to terms with your messy, magnificent, and very, very short—even at a hundred years—life. The means to these ends happens to be food, but it could be alcohol, it could be work, it could be sex, it could be cocaine.

For a variety of reasons we don't fully understand (genetics, temperament, environment), those of us who are compulsive eaters choose food. Not because of its taste. Not because of its texture or its color. We want quantity, volume, bulk. We need it—a lot of it—to go unconscious. To wipe out what's going on. The unconsciousness is what's important, not the food.

Sometimes people will say, "But I just like the taste of food. In fact, I love the taste! Why can't it be that simple? I overeat because I like food."

But.

When you like something, you pay attention to it. When you like something—love something—you take time with it. You want to be present for every second of the rapture. But overeating does not lead to rapture: It leads to burping and farting and being so sick that you can't think of anything but how full you are.

That's not love; that's suffering.

Musophobia

2010-07-03T10:34:00.003+08:00

I hate rodents.

I'm so terrified of them that I lose all sense of pride and poise whenever a creature presents itself, scurrying in my path. Imagine their dark gray hair, tiny feet with tiny little claws, probably teeming with germs and a sly, devious face that not even a mother could love.

Even when I avoid them, they terrorize me no end.

Now they're back in the kitchen, leaving little black poop pellets where our pans and pots are placed and I'm afraid that they'll contaminate the food we eat.

I HAAATE THEM. I'm going to buy more of those sticky glue papers and boards as soon as I get off work. And then when they get caught, we'll fold them up and squish them to death.

Grrrr.

Press RESTART

2010-06-29T10:45:00.003+08:00

I can't remember why I stopped blogging, or how I was able to. But I realize now just how much I missed writing, missed the escape and the relief that writing brings me everytime I feel like I'm about to burst from pent-up emotions.

Coming from a 2 year (or was it 3?) hiatus, I am back. Loaded and ready to type, type, type until I've got this blogging up and running again!

Boys Over Flowers

2009-06-10T21:36:00.004+08:00

Yes, I know how ridiculous the title sounds like. And I know a lot of people would be rolling their eyes as they think I'm hooked onto the another version of my most beloved Meteor Garden. But WAIT, I must say, that this version is (dodges all the haters) BETTER.

I mean, the actors can actually act. The clothes actually look expensive. The cars are, whoo-whee, actual racecars. The shoot locations are beyooteeful, believable and exclusive-looking. And the boys...are just gorgeous.

There.

So that's what I'm spending hours tra-la-laing about.

I still wonder how much damage could falling for fictional character do.

Hmm...let's find out, shall we? ;)

Tick-Tock

2008-03-18T10:39:00.004+08:00

I feel like a ticking timebomb on countdown, filled to the brim with frustration, just anxiously awaiting and fearing my own explosion.

My chest feels cramped, as though invisible Schwarzenegger arms are squeezing the blood out of my heart, draining my lifeline.

I'm trying so hard to cope. I take deep, slow breaths from the bottom of my lungs, drawing from the bottom of my lungs, hoping this can calm down the almost-irrational fear that's building in me.

I feel like a racecar driver, speeding down the highway past blurred trees, streetlights and buildings and suddenly realizing, the brakes don't work.

Sadistic Pest-Hunting

2008-02-23T11:48:00.003+08:00

I have a secret to confess.

My guiltiest pleasure, dessert indulgences aside, is lashing out my inhumane sadistic tendencies towards pests.

I find immense pleasure in watching a mosquito sizzle, spark and crackle on my 120-peso electronic hand-swatter. I find it so gratifying that I have considered making 'pest-hunting' an official hobby. I could spend hours and hours just chasing and swishing after flying nuisances and barbecuing them to death. It’s like getting hooked onto little spurts of Adrenaline rush.

My mom says it’s a waste of time, but I say it could be a potential workout regimen. What with all the arm-swinging and running, it could very well make up for the thousand hours of cardio I need to make up for since I have long been M.I.A. from the gym.

Plus, I figured pest-hunting might be a good outlet for my much-repressed sadistic alter ego to practice methods of torture and express all the violence it wishes to lash out onto the world. After all, we'd all prefer the massacre of winged bloodsuckers than have my alter ego take over and go out the world to start jolting everyone with this battery-operated, China-made weapon of mass aggravation, right?

Valentine's Day Sentiment

2008-02-14T20:31:00.000+08:00

Bah. Humbug!

Tupperware Lady

2008-02-07T10:53:00.000+08:00

She chirped, she giggled, she batted her eyelashes at me. She called me up several times a week. I heard her syrupy voice float across telephone wires almost every day. She said I was pretty, intelligent, sweet and more--every little thing that one can assume from just sharing cordial phone conversations.

I found her amusing at first. I laughed at how this middle-aged woman could remind me so much of a four-year old kid. I almost even believed all the compliments she showered me with.

But then, days became weeks and weeks became months and I had to start making an effort to be nice. I had to smile through gritted teeth and a clenched jaw. I had to start lying about urgent things-to-do that just cannot be postponed. And I had to constantly restrain myself from accidentally cutting the phone line.

Yes, it was that bad.

But it was when I started to dodge phonecalls, avoid picking up the receiver myself and cringe at every rrriiing that I realized this has got to stop.

So the next time the phone rang, I picked up the phone, and to no surprise, found the caller to be my Tupperware lady. The syrupy voice reminiscent of a toddler stuck to my ear canals, clogging them with BS. With every minute passing and my blood sugar rising, I allowed her to finish her spiel. Then, when she finally took a breather, I cut in.

"Tita, uhmm..." I hesitated. "To be perfectly honest, I'm not interested to buy Tupperware."

"Bakit naman? Maganda ito, atsaka matibay, atsaka napapalitan kapag may sira, ataska..." She rebutted.

"Hindi ko naman kasi siya gagamitin. Marami pa po kaming Tupperware sa bahay. As a matter of fact, sa sobra pong dami, nakatambak nalang sa storage room 'yung iba." I reasoned in the kindest tone I could deliver.

"Magagamit mo naman sila. Someday! Malay mo kapag nag-asawa ka na, siyempre kakailanganin mo rin ng gamit sa kusina. Malalagyan mo sila ng mga ulam. 'Pag nagka-anak ka na, magagamit mo rin sila sa paglagay ng baby food. Pwede rin silang lagyan ng baon ng anak at asawa mo. Tapos 'pag..." She rattled on and on about the advantages of Tupperware at hyperspeed.

At this point, my patience was wearing tissue-paper thin, but she wouldn't let me interrupt. On and on she went about the good stuff that Tupperware is made of, the gargantuan benefits I would reap, and how my life would not be complete without using them.

For all the syrup poured into my ears, I somehow managed to tune her out in the middle of her long, well-memorized speech and slipped into a more interesting daydream. Then, without any real thought behind it, my fingers took a life of its own, took hold of the receiver and placed it back on its cradle with a satisfying "click." Snapping out of my daydream, I realized what I had done and took the extra step of pulling the cord from the back end of our telephone.

Soon therafter, I discovered the development of my telephone-ring phobia. Symptoms are cringing, brow-furrowing, jaw-clenching and the ability to switch to speaking with a Visayan accent.

"Ay, Ate, pasinsya na pu. Umalis pu kasi siya..."

Still Waitin' On The Blogbug

2008-02-05T15:58:00.000+08:00

Hummin': Barista ('D Pinoy Version of Bartender)

I stared at the monitor for a good five minutes, my eyes focused on the blinking cursor. I wanted to write something, anything that would get me started on the blogging habit again. But somehow, that writing "thing" just wouldn't budge.

I wrote a word, then backspaced. I typed a phrase, then a sentence, but ended up with having to highlight and delete.

Sigh. Just when I had my hopes up, my blogging thing won't go to work.

Maybe, perhaps, hopefully...I'll be able to come up with something before the week ends.

Life's Walkathon

2007-12-11T15:04:00.000+08:00

I have been on a long blogging hiatus. I had to face reality as an adventure that all new graduates are forced to join. I followed different directions, took alternate routes, risked taking shortcuts and even took the 'road less traveled.'

Somehow, after a year and some, I found myself on the same spot I started in, and yet so much farther from my intended destination.

My pockets are so much lighter now, my bank account have lost substantial zeroes, and yet I am far wealthier in experience. They do say that experience is the best teacher. You just have to be able to stomach the gut-churning tuition fees. Honestly, I expected to feel pain and regret over paying the price, but somehow, I was able to find peace knowing that each peso flying out of my wallet was well worth it.

Today, despite the many turns I had to take, I am able to keep my sanity and my courage to head out and continue to find my purpose in life and what role I play in the perfect masterplan of our Maker.

It all starts with a step, right? I just think of it simply as putting one foot in front of another and praying that I'm heading the right way.

Hope you all have a resolutely happy Christmas!

Liberated

2007-06-01T12:15:00.000+08:00

It's been put off for so long, but I finally reached the point where I really had to speak up for myself.

Unfortunately, I discovered nobody really listened or cared about what the difficulties I went through.

And so, I gave up optimism, waived the white flag and signed a piece of paper with a 30-day effectivity.

Hah!

This form of retreat has been the most gratifying experience. I felt like a ton of 'sama ng loob' lifted from my shoulders the moment I gave that paper to formally resign from my post.

It's liberating--a feeling I haven't felt for a long, long time.

If you still haven't felt it, let me say that I'm no-holding-back kind of happy at this point in time. :)

Finally Coming Home

2007-04-11T14:05:00.000+08:00

With one collapsed lung and a bleeding heart, his last breath escaped from his lips. He waited for cold and darkness to swallow him, taking his borrowed life. Instead he felt something ignite inside him, spreading warmth through his body. His heart started pulsing, strength coursing in his veins, filling him with life he thought he'd lost.

Opening his eyes, he found himself standing before tall, majestic gates with spires that glistened with gold. Everything in the place emanated light, radiating like the sun. But the strange brightness did not pierce the eyes nor burned the skin. Rather it felt as though the light cleansed him, reaching into the depths of his soul.

Enrobed with light, he shone like the rest of them. Joy that he had never experienced before filled his being, rousing his undiscovered gift of song. His heart offered a melody of praise, blending with the chorus that resonated from the other enlightened beings.

He took unguarded steps in that curiously familiar place, mesmerized by the brightest Light of all. The powerful Light every corner of the place, shining brighter than anything he had ever seen—and yet, his eyes were able to see without needing to squint. He approached closer, the Light, with the kindest smiling eyes, offering an inviting glow.

In an unprecedented gesture, the Light stretched forth his arms and lovingly wrapped him in a tight embrace. In a moment, all his trepidations vanished and he felt peace blossoming from his core.

As he felt the last molecule of doubt fading into nothing, he realized he has found home, at last.

She-creature

2007-03-02T14:59:00.001+08:00

She stood there with a pair of menacing eyes, coffee-stained teeth, dark, cracked and parched lips, long fingers that ended with sharp, sickly yellow nails and skin that have yet to escape puberty’s curse of recurring acne.

She took one of those slender sticks of cigarette, lifted it to her waiting mouth, flicked her lighter over the tip and took a deep breathe of the sweet poison. Her shoulders slowly dropped as she closed her eyes to feel the calming effects of the gray smoke that escaped through her nostrils. Deeply, she inhaled once more through the white stick, her eyes squinting in concentration. After a brief respite, her bottom lip contorted to the left, giving way to liberate more of this sickly perfume.

I watched her every move, captivated both by fear and amazement.

Her unsettling outside appearance reflected only the outmost layer of her distorted spirit. I have never met a creature of her kind before…

The Chameleon

2006-11-20T10:47:00.001+08:00

I am this close to quitting. Seriously.

First, the inefficient IT goes around all day taking credit for what the whole team has done, which, IT doesn't even take a pinky to lift most of the time.

Second, IT drives me nuts by being needy. I am not a secretary, but I sometimes have to do Yaya duties.

Third, I am at the end of my wits when IT pushes her weight around, despite knowing IT is at fault. IT has never admitted her mistakes.

Fourth, IT volunteers jobs and projects that we are not supposed to be championing. I know that it is good to assert one's self, but I also believe one should not bite off more than one can chew.

Fifth, those extra jobs IT takes--she passes them on to the rest of us, which we have to handle ourselves and then, update IT with the outcome.

Then we go back to the first reason where IT gets the gist of the project and reports it to the top management as though IT was the only one that came up with the idea, worked with it and finished it in record time. I am so full of this shit that I'm terribly afraid I might be unconsciously morphing into someone like IT .

I get blamed for all the bad things, even the ones I have no inkling of. IT has never defended me for me, even while I get reprimanded standing beside her. IT has reasoned out once for the team, but that was because she herself was also being questioned.

Can you believe that load of crap? And the person who is supposed to correct/reprimand IT, instead of demanding an answer from my SUPERIOR, goes straight to me for the blame.

Is this great or what?

Backstabbed

2006-10-25T00:37:00.000+08:00

Severely Backstabbed

Hummin': Bad Day by Daniel Powter

I've never met anyone like IT, who can be the nicest, funniest, (heck, even) coolest person one minute and metamorphose into the ugliest, shapeliest monster the next.

She can switch sides just like -that- and manipulate you into thinking you're at fault or are directly involved as a problem's source. She is like an expansive black canopy that screens all your good deeds and highlights the smallest of mishaps. I often wonder how she can turn off her conscience and sleep at night.

I've only been discovering lately just how much she has been nitpicking behind my back, using me as a scapegoat so she can be PERFECT. It enrages me when she small-talks and be all friendly-friendly with me, when I know that she would be stabbing me with a dagger the second I turn my back.

*shivers*

Imagine having to deal with something like IT for 10 hours a day EVERYday.

I've almost given up thrice with all the politics that she plays around with. I mean, how could anyone be that lazy, callous, selfish and bossy still appear like a superduperstar at her job? She's got top management eating out of the palm of her hand, just like the way I used to be.

I'm giving it a last high-ho, because my next horrible discovery will most likely send me straight to the hospital with a letter of resignation the very next day.

Fat and Frustrated

2006-10-10T10:46:00.000+08:00

I'm a liar.

I tell myself that I am going to start a healthier diet but I binge when I get home--late at night so no one can see me wreck myself.

I smile at people but in truth, I am gritting my teeth and shooting them dead in my thoughts.

I justify why this job is "worth it," but I am just afraid of what people will say if I suddenly quit.

I act like I'm naive, but I see through every bit of Tupperware-ness these people put on display.

I am deemed sweet and thoughtful, but if only they know how much of a bitch I can be, they would think thrice before crossing me.

I am a liar.

And a DAMN GOOD ONE at that.

Ms. Piggy

2006-09-17T15:01:00.000+08:00

I promised myself I would never fall off the track and return to that place of bingeing and not caring about what I put in my mouth.

I broke that promise...and am now slowly gaining back the pounds I've lost!

I'm getting desperate, not because I can't lose it, but rather that I can't seem to stop nibbling on stuff, even past midnight. Is this a sign of stress, bad nerves? Plus, I tried going to the gym after work, but exercising at 9-ish makes me so darn sleepy. I'm running on the treadmill and almost dozing off, and I'm scared that I might actually fall asleep and injure myself!

Here's what someone told me, "Abi, what's happening to you? You're like a butterfly that's turned into a CATERPILLAR. For other people, it's the other way around!"

Waaahhh!!! I don't know what's happening!!!

I need HELP. I'm thinking of trying the South Beach diet, but I looove and survive on fruits so I don't know how I'm going to keep away from it for two weeks. Does anyone have any recommendations?

Coffee & Company

2006-07-02T14:57:00.000+08:00

Coffee is a bonding agent in most feel-good movies as Starbucks became an entry in the global dictionary, sprouting on every possible corner. I use to always wonder if I would one day find myself drinking coffee with colleagues (my, how very grown up!) or perhaps catch someone's eye in there in this 'quintessential' coffee source for the working class.

As luck would have it, my love life is still inexistent, but Starbucks did pave the way for a fun, platonic relationship between me and my newly moved "neighbor." Both possessing an inate love for sweets and coffee, and allergy for self-centeredness and inefficiency, we found ourselves getting along very well and better each day.

The nearby coffee shop has gained two new frequent visitors willing to indulge their caffeine addiction and sugar cravings. Sadly, my pocket ain't as big as hers--and I'm afraid to soon find it empty. So much for thriftiness and diet.

I've lost all control of afternoon snacking. LOL.

PS: I've finally updated my food blog as well: http://delightfulafters.blogspot.com :)

Compliment Intolerant

2006-06-12T14:09:00.000+08:00

They said I am "telegenic" and I said that's probably because I had make-up on. They said I have "breeding" and that I'd do well with this line of work. I said, "breading" is more like it. Porkchop, anyone?

I really have difficulty accepting compliments.

Even when I was losing all that weight, a lot of "gumaganda ka" (you're getting prettier)type of compliments were sent my way, but I couldn't seem to just say "thank you" and accept it. That's been a problem ever since I can remember.

I really wonder why...

Bookwhore No More

2006-05-27T12:25:00.000+08:00

Bookwhore No More?

Hummin': What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts

I've always considered myself, a bookworm or more pop-culturally called a book-whore. (I honestly don't know why they attach "whore" to everything addicting.)My friends used to snatch a book from my hands before I even get to finish the prologue, fearing I won't be mentally there with them for the rest of the day. They were right in doing so.

Ever since then, when I get hold of a book, then I'm gone, whisked off to some far away land where the story takes place. Even comic books like Archie's digest could take me out of reality in a snap. That's the power of a good book over me.

But nowadays, when hardly five minutes pass of quiet pass by, my books are gathering dust inside my cabinets. I've never had a big collection of books, because my mom wasn't too approved of pocketbook’s love stories (which I enjoyed tremendously as a pubertoid), but of the little that I was able to acquire, they've produced my money's worth for providing me with entertainment for the many days I wanted to take a short vacation.

All I really wanted to express is that I miss, miss, miss reading books…and I badly need a time-out for myself right now. So will somebody kindly suggest a title of a good non-fiction book or two that would be fairly accessible and "educational' but still entertaining?

This bookwhore is planning her return!

Turning 21

2006-04-30T20:34:00.000+08:00

Turning 21

Hummin': La-hum-hum-doo-wop-doo-wop...

I've turning 21 on the 6th of May. Five days remain and I will be of legal-legal age. Hehehe. I'm proclaiming it through this blog just so I don't forget about it, like I used to almost every year.

I've been thinking of buying myself something for that special day, but since I'm not the type of person who wants a lot of expensive things, nor did I feel like I wasn't blessed enough (okay, the thought of having a genie grant me a lean, sexy body did come across...), I had a hard time thinking of a self-present.

The answer came to me when I hopped onto my favorite blog read in the wooorld, and remembered CHEESECAKE, the famous baked cheesecake dessertcomesfirst.blogspot.com. (My being a sugar-and-calorie-fanatic can no longer be denied.) And so, I emailed the amazing-food-writer-slash-sweets-aficionado of about wanting to order one, and even though the pleading look in my face didn't come across the electronic letter, she must have felt it because she said YES!

I was thrilled to almost hyperventilation! Ahhhhh!!! *jumps up and down with joy*

Anyways, thank you, Lori. I'm sure this birthday will be a day that's hard to forget. See you!

(On hindsight, I just realized how easily pleased and dangerously dessert-obsessed I am. LOL.)

Still In There

2006-04-18T23:31:00.000+08:00

According to people who knew me the most, or thought they knew me the most, I was lazy. Often, I was even referred to as a useless, expensively-maintained tub of lard. Then, my image changed when I lost all that huge baggage, literally. Hard work, discipline and determination were suddenly used as adjectives beside my name, and people saw me in a new light.

Not that I'm complaining. After all, I think recognition for my efforts was long overdue, and I was so tired of being perceived to be good-for-nothing.

This week marked my first month on the job. I'm glad to report that I am actually still in the running, despite all the mishaps and disappointments!

Maybe it's because of my two, uber hardworking, amusing, wicked, recently-resigned PR & Marketing bosses, or the pressure of having to live up to my family and friends' expectations; but surprisingly enough, when I had the time to sit down and reflect on the month that whizzed by, I realized just how diligent, active and determined I had been.

Even I must admit that I passed my own expectations. I performed well, much better than I anticipated. And as each week passed by, I learned more about myself, both strengths and weaknesses I didn't know I possessed. I am proud of the changes I had undergone in order to be more flexible and versatile, but I am only in the beginning.

All will be put to the real test when the new system kicks in. I will have to start back from the bottom and work my way up to adjust to the new superiors and altered hierarchy in the office. I am taking on the challenge, one day and night at a time, striving to be a person I myself would admire.

A Bit Down

2006-04-05T18:58:00.000+08:00

A Bit Down

Hummin': Liwanag sa Dilim by Rivermaya

I think the workaholic epidemia here has gotten to me. My two workaholic bosses who I just look up to sacrifice breakfast, lunch, dinner and sleep just to get all the work done, which by the way never gets done as more things keep coming in. I think I might be infected.

See, I used to enjoy leisure time. Now, I get sad when I'm not doing anything (not because I don't want to but because I've finished my tasks for that day at least). I feel lazy, useless and unproductive, almost to the point of feeling guilty.

Sigh. The pressure is building up too, as more and more responsibilities and obligations are added to my workload. I will be the only one left here in a week or two. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.

Especially if the next two bosses of mine turn out to be snobbish, lazy, unreasonable social butterflies, then I'm out of here. Seriously. When asked about what my plans are regarding my career, I always say that I do not have a concrete plan yet, but I will continue working for a company so long as I am growing. But when the learning stops, then I will have to look for someplace else where I can still grow.

I'm so so so scared.

Overworked

2006-03-29T23:29:00.000+08:00

Overworked

I'm getting used to being part of the workforce.

The downpour of work from this job was expected, but the brunt of it all still threatened to knock me out. Loads of papers to file and chronologize took all my first two days at work, fortunately interjected by a bit of creative work. Needless to say, despite the perks of my job and how easily it came to me, I had a lot of negative thoughts during my first few days.

Well, because the pressure was sooo darn thick I could hardly rise above it. Also, my bosses were both admirably workaholics who don't notice the passing of time nor the growling of stomachs for lunch, so I felt really bad when I had to ask permission to go home during those first days, while they were still sweating it out in the office. I didn't feel like eating either because I felt piggish having lunch while my superiors slaved away in the office.

On top of that, while they were all used to doing work, I felt stupid for not understanding instructions completely as I blindly coped my way through the company systems. I was just disappointed at myself and embarassed to ask for help or for a repetition of what I needed to do. It was pride that kept me from being as productive as I could have possibly can.

Pessimism ruled those nights that I came home from work, headache-y and grumpy. But with much positive advice and support from my family, I tried not to be influenced by all the adjustments I struggled to go through. As advised, I fought my way against the usual flow of my thoughts and really focused on the tasks at thand. They were absolutely right! Now, I'm standing here, officially two weeks working, and loving it!

Whoohoo!!!

PS: Although unfortunately, a recent happening in the office will leave me an orphan in the next two weeks with my two bosses' resignation. I wonder what will happen next..?

For the Food Aficionados

2006-03-20T12:13:00.000+08:00

For the Food Aficionados

I am proud to announce that I now have a new leasing in the World Wide Web to cater to the Food Aficionados like myself. This means serious eating and drinking until we burst or burp! I'm kidding, of course. But I think it is inevitable that we come dangerously close to it.

It is also greenish, except that it has taken a much lighter, cleaner, almost-minty shade alongside immaculate white. I chose that color theme because I wanted to keep the food blog looking neat, and for pictures to stand out for each entry. This way, I hope to prevent eyesore from staring at food too much!

See you there (http://delightfulafters.blogspot.com)!

Munching,
Abster
PS: This is definitely not for the sugar-intolerant.

College Concluded

2006-03-08T01:39:00.000+08:00

College Concluded

Hummin': Habang Atin ang Gabi by South Border

At that moment I left the room with a smiling Philosophy teacher, I felt what seemed like a dozen sacks of cement instantly lifted from my shoulders. I smiled until my gums showed, until my cheeks hurt, until my heart showed. That was how happy I was...am...was...am.

It was liberated from all the forced schoolwork I really didn't want to do. Gone are the days and sleepless nights spent on memorizing for Theology and Philosophy. And I must remember, NO MORE CALCULUS! That moment was even better after I actually and surprisingly aced my final two oral examinations. (Determination can be such motivation.)

I guess I've grown up, learned from my previous mistakes and was able to redeem myself. It's over now. But in a week or two, I must and will start again...to make mistakes, learn and grow.

Life is sweet, I truly realized at that point, but only when you have people to share it with.

Job Pursuit Concluded

2006-03-04T11:54:00.000+08:00

Job Pursuit Concluded

This is for all of you out there who is curious about what happened to my job pursuit.

I had to reschedule my appointment twice, but finally our "free time" matched and I was able to talk to the HR director last Thursday about the job offer. We chatted about me, why I use my second name, my family, my strengths and weaknesses, my personality, my stress levels and the likes. He laughed a lot and so did I, with poise of course. (Insert real laugh here--Hahaha!)

He gave me a number and asked if I agree. I said yes because I really felt so little at that time. (How do you negotiate for a salary?) Anyway, at the end of that talk, he told me, "They like you ah...they like you very much." He was pertaining to the other people who interviewed me.

He gave me a LOOONG list of requirements, medical check-up, SSS, NBI clearance, PNP clearance, Mayor's Permit...etc etc etc. My friends say the company usually does this for employees. Do they?

At the end of that talk, we shook hands and he asked to see me when I'm done with my "homework" to sign the contract and stuff. That afternoon also, I had the last of my final examinations and surprisingly did it well, flawlessly to be honest.

Gosh, I will never have to take another college test agaiiiin! Whoopeeee!!!

-----
Questions for the workforce though.

1. What are the benefits I should probably have or would be better having?
2. What would be considered as a great work package?
3. What is the usual amount of wages for a fresh graduate? I will be doing a LOT, and I mean A LOT of work with this PR job.
4. What other questions should I ask the HR director before I sign on anything?

Sisterly Matters

2006-02-28T21:25:00.000+08:00

My sister and I have been going out very often for the past month. Since she graduated, she has automatically become a bum of sorts as she recently began her hunt for that elusive chef position in the different restaurants and cafes in town. And knowing just how fragile her self-esteem is (especially after my untimely job offer from the hotel), I am supporting her with everything I've got.

I come home right after my classes. I stopped attending my church fellowship on weekends. I destroyed my healthy eating plan. I even cut school for her.

But this is becoming too much. Aside from the pressure that my own nearing graduation is putting on me, now I have to think for the two of us. On one hand, I have to do this. But on the other, I have to do this for her. As much as I want some "me" time, my conscience just always puts her needs first.

This has led to a lot of forgotten requirements for school and a whole truckload of trouble for me. But even today, when I need to be fully concentrating on my Theology orals for tomorrow (of which I have hardly studied half), I chose to accompany her in submitting some resumes in Ortigas.

I'm not complaining that she's eating up too much of my time. In fact, I enjoy every meal that we share together, because when I'm with her, I can picky about fried, greasy food but also, insist on a calorie-laden dessert or a hot cup of coffee. I love talking to her and just spending time with her, because this past year is the only time that we have truly bonded like kabarkadas.

But the fact is, I AM FAILING. I am on troubled waters and uncertain cliffs with regards to my academics. I am hardly able to squeeze in all my time for the ton of things I still have to do before getting my clearance from the different departments of Ateneo. On top of that, I have to be there for her, every minute that she is awake, encouraging her of her abilities and comforting her of better things to come.

I'm tired.

And I'm scared that I might not be able to graduate on time. I guess this just proves just where my family ranks on my priority list.

------

As for that job offer interview with the HR director, the hotel called a while ago when I wasn't home and asked me to come in at 11 am. Guess what? My Theology orals starts at exactly 11 am. Ang saya noh?

Nakatikim pa ako ng sampal ngayong gabi. I'm always misunderstood, damnit.

The 2nd...& 3rd Interview!

2006-02-25T10:39:00.000+08:00

The 2nd...& 3rd Interview

I waited agonizingly for less than 24 hours when that call arrived, asking me to come in for another interview that morning. I woke up that day, dressed in the nines and prepared myself mentally for a possible beating.

I was right to expect such interrogation.

I waited for an hour and a half for the PR director, seated in that waiting area with nothing to stare at but my ticking watch because she was busy with a lot of things. And I understand; it's just that I really was bored out of my mind. After that agonizing length of time, she finally came out and said, "You've been waiting for an hour and a half, I owe you coffee. Come, come, come..."

Unexpecting that welcome note, I stood up, grabbed my brown bag and followed her and the Marketing Communications Manager to the door. We headed to the "World" restaurant where we ordered some coffee. Mine was brewed.

Then, they battered me with a lot of questions of the first fifteen minutes of the interview with why I should get the PR job when I seemed to have another passion, baking. And I said, baking is indeed a passion of mine, but PR is another. I explained how my dream job had to do with Communications and Advertising, until late last year when I began to consider pursuing Culinary Arts.

Then they asked me more questions and I had to think of better answers. I explained that I initially applied for a Culinary Apprenticeship because I wanted to try out working in the kitchen and see if the job really is for me. Adding that I'm not sure whether this is just a fond hobby or a profession I could seriously do full-time. While this PR job would be blanketing all aspects of my person, utilizing my designing, communications, writing and creative skills. Aside from the fact that this used to be my ONLY dream job.

After all the gabbing, they finally laid out what the job would demand of me, if I get it, that is. They told me of the long worktime, extending up to the wee hours of the morning if need be. Also, they asked if I was okay with changing into jeans and rubbershoes and actually doing physical labor of preparing for an event. I told them that my mom does elaborate balloon decorations as a professional hobby (long explanation), and how I am used to all that hard work.

They nodded their heads in approval. I must've looked a bit nervous then after they told me that we (if I am hired) actually handle two hotels under the same group of companies, which meant double weight of the load and double hard work. But on a happier note, they told me that because we were officially working for the two hotels, that meant receiving two amounts of the montly accumulated and divided service charges too! Kaching-kaching!

And they told me that they have gone seven months without hiring a PR officer because they are picky. They would rather do all the work than train another person and have them leave only after a couple of months. (In the case of their previous colleague, a male Atenean, he left after only a week, crying and pleading the PR director to allow his untimely resignation.) They explained that when they train a person, they really share with that guy/girl all their knowledge on the ins and outs of the business.

But I wanted this job so much that I was willing to brave all that and see how much perseverance I am made of. After that lengthy chat, she then asked if I had any engagements for the evening. I said I had none. She said she was going to call the VP for Sales & Marketing and see if I could get an interview.

While waiting for a reply, they asked me if I was a coffee drinker. The answer was a yes, and they said, good. They asked if I watched movies. The answer was a yes, with a wide range of preference, and they said, good. They asked if I smoke. I said no, and they seemed silent for the first time. They asked if I was OC, I said it depends. But when I'm working, I am because I don't like spending a lot of time lookign for things. They said, very good.

Then, the PR director suggested we best be heading off to the VP's quarters. She said she'll be sending me in there with her recommendations. With that they ushered me into the VP's office, introduced me and left me for what I thought was going to be torture. But only fifteen minutes had passed when I came out of that office, confused as to whether I amused, impressed or disappointed the VP.

Still dazed, I walked out the hallway and bumped into the PR director on her way to the restroom. She asked me what happened and I told her that the VP said I'll be receiving a call, hopefully on a positive note. The PR director patted my arm and said, "Don't worry, don't worry. I'll be the one you'll be working with naman eh... Alright? Good luck on your examinations and see you."

SEE YOU!? Did she just say see you?

All I was able to respond was "Thank you and see YA!" LOL. See how childish I really am?

Then, I left the hotel with both giddiness and fear that I was expecting too much.

That was a Wednesday, and the next day after that, I agonized over the non-existent call that I wanted to get so bad. My thoughts were all tied up with my doubts and excitement over that job. My mind replayed the scenes of the interviews over and over again that even I got so exhausted. But I couldn't help it. It was all my little brain could produce.

Fortunately, on Friday morning at half past ten, I received that long-awaited call from the HR manager informing me of an interview. She said, "Abi, you have an interview with the HR director at 1 this afternoon to talk to you about the job offer. Will you be available?"

With overspeeding mental calculations, I said "Yes and thank you." Putting the phone receiver down, I was dazed for a few minutes and then began hugging everyone in the house and texting my closest friends! I think that was the first time I had no hesitations about squeezing anyone.

Unfortunately though, due to the attempted Coup 'D Etat that morning and the rally at the Edsa Shrine, I had to reschedule that interview. The woman who received the call sympathetically said she understood, since there was no way I could get through that throng of people to the hotel without joining the rally.

So now I'm still waiting for that call...and hoping that I get through his final week of examination ALIVE.

A Blessing in Disguise

2006-02-21T21:23:00.000+08:00

A Blessing in Disguise

Hummin': This Thing Called Love

I've heard it said that it is during the most unexpected events in your life that you are truly blessed with a sudden turn of events. I know what that means now.

Last week, I applied for an apprenticeship, also known as on-the-job training or practicum, where students work for a company for free, in exchange for the priceless experience, of course. So, with that goal of experience and enriching my know-how, I decided to offer my services to these two hotels along Ortigas.

One of them called after a mere four days and asked me to come for an interview, which was scheduled yesterday. There were seven of us that morning, majority of which had put major effort in dressing to impress. Since I was the only one without a previous work experience and was itching to try out the workplace, I was the giddiest of them all.

I reached the Human Resources Department after circling the whole third floor thrice, seriously worried that I would be lost and late. And so when I finally found an office, I entered and asked my question to all those seated, uniformed women.

"Excuse me, is this the HR department where interviews will be held...for apprenticeships?" with my voice volume decreasing out of nervousness as all the ladies' heads turned to me.

"Uh, what's your name?" asked the pretty but stern-looking lady. When I answered, she simply gestured me to sit at the sofa area and wait for further instructions. Then, just seconds after my tush landed on the overly cushy couch, a young man entered and asked for me. I raised my hand slowly, fighting the urge to shout "PRESENT!" when he asked, "You're here...for employment, right?" I was stunned, but with gears clinking, I answered a soft and almost question-like, "Yes..."

My heart was thumping in my chest, just like how I imagined I would feel like when put under a Lie Detector test. Then, we headed off to the testing room where we were given several tests with regards to English & Math proficiency, character evaluation, pressure reaction, Abstract Reasoning and their own application form--all under time pressure.

After two and a half hours of using exhausting our brain powers, we were given a two-hour break for lunch and then asked to come back at 2pm for the initial interview. I gladly welcomed the break in order to refuel. An hour and a half passed and I was back at the office, praying that I wouldn't botch up my first ever job interview. While waiting, I talked to my co-applicants and was VERY surprised to discover that most of them had previous work experience in hotels of the same caliber. I WAS THE ONLY GRADUATING STUDENT.

They were equally surprised to find out that I was only twenty. Hrmph.

We were called in one after the other starting at 2:30pm with intervals. Some took 3 minutes, others about 15. And so I nervously anticipated my turn, hoping I wouldn't get tongue-tied. After waiting for more than an hour, there were only four of us left and my bladder was screaming at me in pain.

"I HAVE TO PEE, I HAVE TO PEE"...I shared with the remaining applicants. "But I'm afraid I might be the one they call next." With an attempt at reassurance, the others told me I could probably go to the bathroom and then run back before I get called. With no further convincing necessary, I rushed off to find that wonderful toilet bowl.

No sooner than I was zipping up my pants when I heard someone calling my name. My co-applicant was saying that the interviewer was already looking for me. What are the odds, huh? With a quick washing of my hands, I sped back to the HR office. Luckily, they weren't waiting for me as they interviewed another person first. That gave me time to sit back and compose myself.

That girl's interview lasted for maybe five minutes, and then the only guy applicant was called. When he came out after a mere two minutes, he was shaking his head and gesturing his hand with a sign of "None" which meant there was no job offered to him. He had worked in Hotel Intercontinental at that! My hopes sunk to their lowest, but before I could ask him for information, I heard my name called.

I straightened my pants, and walked into that office with the best fake-confidence I could muster, hoping none of my nerves showed through. There was the interviewer, smiling at me as she stood up to introduce herself. In return, I introduced myself and we shook hands.

She asked me about my resume credentials, and I reaffirmed them. Then, with the most unexpected twist, she said, "I'm actually considering you for two positions." My eyebrows shot up to my hairline, or at least close to it, and I controlled my jaw from hanging down in shock. "You can go for culinary, as you requested here, OR, you can go for a Public Relations officer."

She then explained to me the PRO's and CON's of both positions, with the PR having a huge lead in the benefits and monetary aspect. A long talk ensued as she further discussed what the job descriptions are and how stable each one would be, again with the PR having a run-off with the positive returns.

Aaaand so, with reluctance, because I didn't want to make a huge mistake, I said I'll take the PR job because the culinary position was one that will make me a trainee for 3-6 months depending on my recommendations--with only minimum wage. Then, if I pass, I will be on an indefinite contractual basis with no reassurance of becoming a regular employee. While the PR position was very suitable to my personality, educational background and love for advertising. Plus, because it will be a direct hire, if I was chosen for the position, it meant a much higher salary with all the perks. No need to undergo that much trouble. (See what I mean by the PR job becoming much much much more appealing?)

After asking me a couple more times if I was sure with my decision, I said YES. Then she asked me if I had any appointments for the rest of that late afternoon. I said I was free since I had already missed my only class for the day hours ago. She asked if I would mind talking to the PR Director for my second interview right then and there so I wouldn't have to return for that week. Stunned, I merely nodded and mustered a weak smile.

I waited outside her office as she made a phone call to the PR Director. A minute later, she called me back and said the PR Director is doing a photoshoot at the moment in the hotel's prestigious Chinese-named restaurant. I said it's alright. She said she'll schedule me for an interview. And being a sensitive people-reader like most HR managers are, she unexpectedly said, "Look, I'll give you until tomorrow for your decision so you can have some time to think it over. You can call me by then with your answer." I thanked her very much, shook her hand, and left the office with a smile and a heart still beating wildly in my chest.

About ten minutes passed and having talked to my sister and a co-applicant who was very excited for me too, they convinced me to go back to the HR office and give my decisive answer. I was scared to death. But with a little more verbal pushing and lots of moral support, I decided to go for it.

With a shy smile and a much firmer voice, I went back to her office and told the interviewer, "I have made up my mind about trying for that PR position." She smiled widely, "Good, good." And I bashfully added, "Uhm, I'm available for this week for interviews...if ever." With a quicky and genuine thankyouverymuch, I bid her goodbye.

Last night and the whole morning of today, I fidgeted to no end, worried, biting two of my nails until they shrank to half their size, as I always do when faced with so much stress. There was not a minute that I was not thinking of this. It's a good thing that at about half past one, I received a text from my sister stating that the hotel had just called for an interview TOMORROW afternoon.

With a huge, enormous, gigantic sigh of relief, I texted back my thanks. So tonight, it looks like I still won't be getting much rest after all.

PS: I don't want to sound boastful but I know this is one of the careers I can be great at. The bottom line is: I really want this job. Please pray for me.

Powerful Seducer

2006-02-01T01:21:00.000+08:00

Powerful Seducer

There are things in life you can look at but never have... Like a huge, beautiful mansion with a sculpted garden of roses, sunflowers and fresh herbs, or maybe a beautiful, speedy, red convertible just for two. Or even harder to possess, that one guy you think (but claim to know) is the one for you but belongs to someone else.

Ahhh, but I deviate.

I meant to hit at those intense food cravings one like myself who is in love with food gets at the most untimely hours. It deprives you of a good night sleep with your stomach growling not because of hunger but because your brain orders it to bother you with loud whining and pinings!

It keeps you from your normal routine, distracting you with memory flashes of its delectable self, luring you with its beauty, smell, texture, taste. One bite, one lick is all it takes--holding it safe in my mouth, savoring the flavors as they dance on my tongue and slide down to my waiting reservoir longing to be filled--and yet it is that inanimate object which beguiles and captures me with such potent seduction.

Ahhh, food...what power you have over mortals who have been cursed with the passion for you, and the weakest of restraint.

Brownies for Sale!

2006-01-25T01:07:00.000+08:00

Brownies for Sale!

Satisfaction Guaranteed.

For a bigger and clearer ad, please click the picture.

Ateneo Fine Arts Festival

2006-01-12T21:32:00.000+08:00

We have several events throughout the five days. On Tuesday, we will be having our book launch entitled, "Larawan," a compilation of the works of Fine Arts Majors serving as a portrait of ourselves. The event starts at 5:30 in the afternoon at the Exhibit Hall, 3rd floor of Gonzaga Hall where there will be readings from the authors. (FREE) Food and mingling follows!

I will be one of those launching individual projects. Mine is The Red Dot, a book composed of my personal essays. I will be reading a selected piece from it during the launch. Hope you all can come!

(Plus, I will be preparing, cooking and serving the food so you really oughta come! Hehehehe!)

A Milkmaid of Life

2005-12-21T23:44:00.000+08:00

A Milkmaid of Life

It has been said that as we are born, the moment a breath of air passes through our lungs for the first time, death already begins to wait for us. Every moment we spend living; there is always the threat of death around the corner. Imagine it as a somber clown, lurking in every happy birthday, wickedly rejoicing because the celebrant is a year older and therefore, closer to death.

After undergoing several Theology and Philosophy classes, I now truly understand that our world is one made up of beginnings and endings. Nothing is permanent, they say. Just like having a scoop of ice cream in a cup while walking in the park, you realize that no matter how much you shield it from the sun, it still melts.

Might as well lick-lick-lick and enjoy it than have sticky goo in between your fingers, right?

When I was younger, I always wondered why characters in movies would talk about being scared of dying, whether they be young or old. I have always had this strange sense of solace when it comes to the thought of "resting in peace" as though I find it a better position than living in this world. Perhaps, attributing partly to my easygoing nature, I have chosen not to worry or fret too much about things that which I have no control of. I find that worrying about those things is a waste of time, since no complaints or tears will affect the outcome.

Essentially, I just want to live my life the best I can, come what may. I try to make the most of what little I have—may it be resources or time. Just like a diligent milkmaid, I wake up every morning and receive whatever it is that the cow (Life) has to offer, taking each day at a time.

I have learned to accept that death is inevitable, and perceive it as peaceful rather than frightening state. This is why I live by the principle of following one's passion, no matter how absurd or far-fetched it may be to other people, because I believe that only through this can true fulfillment be met. If I be (knock on wood thrice) struck down by lightning tomorrow morning, may I be found crispy, golden-brown and smiling on the floor. As imperfect humans, there is really nothing more we can give than our very best--and that is exactly what I intend to do.

I may not be "the chosen one" to finally eliminate poverty or discover a cure for AIDS. The odds are, I won't even be a mover or a shaker of our society. But despite not creating a huge mark in history, I know that I have a purpose, a mission in this lifetime, and no matter how little or insignificant it may be to the rest of the world, I will die happy knowing I have fulfilled that role in every way I can.

Baking for the Holidays

2005-12-17T10:30:00.000+08:00

Baking for the Holidays

Mini Black Forest Cakes

Banana Nut Muffins

Christmas Tree Cookies

Mini Chocolate Cake

The Mini Chocolate Cake is what's under the Dome-shaped Containers

What do YOU do?

2005-12-12T10:40:00.000+08:00

What do YOU do?

What do you do when you are called by two passions?

Follow both and find means to let them cooperate would be the vast majority's advice.

But what if one and the other do not get along at the same time (at least not for the time being)? And you don't have a lot of time on your hands to devote on each of them separately? The bigger question is, what if, one of them, is suppressing the other such that your daily tasks revolve around it and leaves the other one gathering dust in the corner?

You have split pathways that are beckoning, both of which hold promises of happiness for you. You are torn, standing at that crossroad. But the time has come, and your crucial, possibly life-changing decision must be made immediately.

What do you do?

My New Passion

2005-12-02T14:21:00.000+08:00

My New Passion

What's been keeping me away from my regular blog updates? Well, let's just say that writing's got a new rival in my life. It's now sharing the top place with a new passion of mine that's been eating up almost all my free time.

Here are pictures to share and drool at.

My New York Cheesecake

Christmas Sugar Cookies (Need more practice with frosting)

Homemade Dark Chocolate Truffles

Pandan Cake

Lemon Muffins

Chocolate Banana Bread

Ube Cake

Assorted Brownies

Chocolate Caramel Cake

Gotta go and make bread for the first time! LOL! I'll post a picture if the process is successful. Wish me luck!

The "Poet" Writes!

2005-11-22T11:49:00.000+08:00

The "Poet" Writes

Hummin': Beautiful Soul by Someone Mcartney

I was walking down the stairs from my Practicum class, psychologically-stressed from all the reminders of things that I still have to do. For one, the requirements for our batch anthology has just grown. Next, the articles for my so-called book, "The Red Dot" are no way near done, and my deadlines are coming by the dozen. Lastly, there are still my other mentally-challenging core subjects such as Philosophy and Theology, which are under "infamous" teachers who have records of failing delinquent students.

(Not that I'm saying I am one, but sometimes I am... Hehehe.)

Then, I saw an old teacher from my Introduction to Creative Writing class last year. I smiled, and said hello.

He said, "Oh, Abi, how are you?"

"Same parin," I said with a sigh, "Rushing to keep up with Thesis deadlines..."

"Ah, so you're graduating?" He asked. I nodded with a weary smile. And he added, "So, which genre did you decide to major in?"

We all know he is a great poet, and we wrote a couple of poems in his class, so I was a little shy in saying, "Non-Fiction..." and quickly added, "Kasi the bulk of my writing's in Non-Fiction eh."

"Ah, I see...but do you still write poems?"

"Ehrm," I paused, "A little. On the side."

"That's good, that's good. Maintain, ha?" He softly encouraged and said, "Kasi you've got some talent on it, so continue..." He trailed with a fatherly smile.

My head went blank and then, it sank in, and with the biggest smile that day, I said, "Okay."

Ahhh, I am so flattered and fluttered right now. Tee-hee-hee!!!

Victorious...at last!

2005-11-11T23:25:00.000+08:00

Victorious...at last!

Hummin': Faith Like A Child by Jars of Clay

Actually, I've been home for two weeks now. But I've had a lot of things to do, projects to finish, essays to think about (but couldn't put to decent words) and errands to run. Thus, this uber delayed post.

The weekend was fun-filled, though a bit stressful too right from the beginning as our Cebu Pacific flight was delayed for five hours. Then, we arrived to a wet IloIlo thorougly exhausted from the trip and the previous almost-sleepless night that was spent packing our things.

However, the four-day stay was great! I had my ONLY wish granted, which was to eat again at this seaside buffet called Villa Regatta. To my dismay, this year's crabs were much smaller that what I remember, but still I enjoyed the variety of fatty dishes I chose from that Sunday.

The reunion was also a great time to catch up with cousins who I haven't seen for a long time; some for a year, others two, and one for nine long years. I was still that "boyish girl" when we were last together, and now, there are talks (all of which are just jokes of course) of marriage and inclusion in the entourage.

Happily I found out that next year there would be four of us graduating at the same time this coming March. One cousin from Bacolod, another from Cebu and my sister and I from Manila. We hope to celebrate in Boracay by then, like a reminiscent vacation of the one we had almost a decade ago.

If it pushes through, well and good. If not, well I just hope that the next time we see each other will not be for another nine years! ;)

PS: And the title is actually derived from the fact that I have gotten into the Dean's List for last semester's work!!! Whoop whoop! 3.5 QPI, not bad noh?

Pre-IloIlo

2005-10-27T14:18:00.000+08:00

Pre-IloIlo

Hummin': I'm leaving on an AIRplane...

My family and I'll be leaving for Ilo-Ilo on Saturday. The house looks like we've been visited by Hurricane Katrina, having shirts, pants and shoes everywhere. Picking the best ones to bring to the family reunion and bringing along a few other items to wear at night.

Aside from the responsibilities of packing for the disorderly men in our family, my proud Dad requires me to bring along about twenty or so boxes of brownies to give away to friends and relatives. Ah well, doing that just about filled up our kitchen, dining room and refrigerator with so much sweets that hardly anything else would fit.

The baking frenzy has just begun, our helper said with a tired sigh. In fact, because of all the tasting (ehem, ehem) that I have to do with each batch, I'm afraid that I might gain some pounds even before Saturday! HORRORS.

I don't even have that free time to go to the gym. I'm that busy.

Wonder why I'm taking the time out to blog when I should be taking a much-needed bath.

Hmmmm...

Poor Little Girl

2005-10-16T02:44:00.000+08:00

Poor Little Girl

Hummin': Win by Brian Mcknight

Like a little child, she meekly said she was afraid to look under her pants for fear of seeing too big of a wound on her knee. Hearing the quiver in her voice, I was concerned and asked her what happened.

And she says, "Nadapa ako, on the same spot kung saan nadapa ako ng malakas before."

I nod my head, remembering that time where being focused on her 10-peso Mcdo sundae almost got her ran over by a huge truck after tripping on a crack in the pavement. But she corrects me by saying, "The one where I stepped out the elevator, tripped and fell on the marble tiles...sa school ni Achie."

I winced at the sudden memory. Ouch.

"What happened?" I squeezed for details. "Lagi ka nalang nadadapa ah!" I said with a chuckle at how clumsy she gets.

"Ikaw ba naman tae-han ng ibon, hindi ka ba madi-distract?!" she rhetorically asked. I guffawed, imagining the ridiculous scene as I had witnessed in previous "tripping accidents" where her lack of concentration almost killed an innocent potted-plant in the mall unfortunately placed on her path.

She pretended to be offended, and then laughed along, continuing her story. "Eh kasi naglalakad ako ng mabilis, tapos biglang may warm na nahulog sa kamay ko! On impulse, inamoy ko, nadistract ako and then, nadapa!"

WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I just couldn't help myself, but laugh uncontrollably at my mom, who with her petite height, chubby frame and short, copper-tinted hair, probably looked both pitiful and hilarious!

Baho ba?

Peace! Hahahahahaha!!!

** To cap this entry, let me just say that I AM FREE for almost a whole month of semester break!!! Yip yip yeheeey!!!

Prayer for Finals

2005-10-10T21:02:00.000+08:00

Prayer for Finals

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not flunk
He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying
He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break
He restores my faith in study guides
He leads me to better study habits
For my grades' sake

Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades
I will not have a nervous breakdown
For thou art with me
My prayers and my friends, they comfort me
Thou givest me the answer in moments of blankness
Thou anointest my head with understanding
My test paper runneth over with questions I recognise

Surely passing grades and flying colours shall follow me
All the days of my examinations
And I shall not have to dwell in this exam hall forever.

A-M-E-N.

Falling Over

2005-10-01T13:27:00.000+08:00

Falling Over

Hummin': Strawberry Fields Forever by The Beatles

I realized that it takes so little to actually break me down.

Perhaps, it's because I never show any fractures or signs of breaking until I reach that very edge where I know that one little piece of sand would make all the difference. And if that one sand is added on my shoulders, I just tip over and fall--

Down...

Hard.

And I get knocked out....

Out of myself.

Only then, I see things from an outside perspective, and I study what happened and how I got to that point.

Sadly, that's when I start pointing fingers.

(A word of advice: Duck.)

Round and Proud

2005-09-28T20:32:00.000+08:00

Round and Proud

Yes, I am round and proud, beybeh!

How do you define BEAUTY?

Listen to what they've got to say.

I Love Dove now!

And YOU, what do you think of beauty? Tell me.

The Monster Returns

2005-09-21T00:06:00.000+08:00

The Monster Returns

Just when you thought you have stopped and banished that monster that's been chasing you your whole life and feeding off from your weakness and vulnerability, rescued your long-lost mother from it's pit and would finally see the beauty of the sunset...

You find out that monster wasn't the only one in existence.

In fact, you find out that their kind have the power to plant themselves inside you, hiding, growing and waiting under one's skin until it is strong and ready to destroy.

And you regret that discovery so much because now you have to go through blood, tears and scars again just to save another person from the monster's pit.

If I Were Gloria

2005-09-14T22:44:00.000+08:00

If I Were Gloria

Hummin': You Had Me From Hello by Kenny Chesney

(I was forced to write a non-fiction essay during class that began with "If I Were President..." which explains the sudden political turn of my writing. However, as you read below, this is not what you probably expect of a political essay.)

If I were current president of this country, I'd have my big mole surgically-removed and say that I didn't copy singer Enrique Iglesia's career move, but rather that I thought blemishes, like the dirt on the image of the Philippines, should be removed off the face of the world.

If I were current president of this country, I'd have my legs broken, reconnected with metal bridges do intensive therapy for six months and say that I didn't do it to reach five feet, but rather that like the country, I sincerely know how it feels to be belittled by bigger nations.

If I were current president of this country, I'd have my head shaved and empathetically claim that this baldness shows the loss of the nation's glory, the abduction of the little that is left of our country's pride.

If I were current president of this country, I'd hire a private voice teacher, get rid of the nasal intonation of my voice, and say that this change is a representation of the need for a change in our country's voice as we speak to the rest of the world.

If I were current president of this country, I'd force my husband to go on a strict South Beach diet with me to lose some of his bulk and say to the Filipino people that the first couple also experiences daily pangs of hunger.

If I were current president of this country, I'd finance even more of my son's baduy movies where he always plays the hero, just like the numerous Erap movies that made him famous, and say to the masses that we are on with them, erecting the image of a contemporary hero that is my movie star son.

If I were current president of this country, I'd produce a novelty song out of the "Hello Garci" tapes, overexpose it by playing it in the radio and television stations over and over again, making the situation funny, absurd, sickening, unrealistic and therefore a mere passing trend.

But if you were to ask me honestly, I wouldn't want to be our country's president. Being the president is a 24-hour, 7-days-a-week job that would probably drive me crazy, especially with the rampant corruption in every level of the political hierarchy. Having all those problems on my shoulders would probably kill me before even my first day on the job ends.

On that note, if I were current president of this country, after losing face not just for myself and my family, but also for the Philippines, I'd probably disappear with my husband, move to a private island that I could buy with all my hubby's Jueteng money and spend the rest of my days sipping margheritas on the beach.

Taurus the Glutton

2005-09-05T21:32:00.000+08:00

Taurus the Glutton

Hummin': Bad Day by Danny Powter

I sat in the taxi comfortably this afternoon. After all, I left home two hours early for my class, and that meant a relaxing, leisure time. But I couldn't quite hear my thoughts because the radio speakers were turned on and the DJ loudly announced song after song, and cracked one joke after another.

Then she says, it's time to read out the daily horoscope. Personally, I never really believed horoscopes, but I thought listening to what was supposed to happen would be fun. I listened carefully as she read out the day's predictions for Aquarius, Pisces, Aries and then Taurus. That's me, I thought.

And she goes, "Kahit na nag-e-ehersisyo ka, huwag kang kakain ng sobra-sobra. Sayang ang iyong pagpapapayat kung wala ka namang disiplina."

Kung-pooow!!! That hit me right in the middle of my bilbilizers!

And that happened half an hour after I consumed four cheese pandesals on top of my regular lunch. Talk about coincidence...or maybe Someone really wanted me to stop eating!

Lay off for a while! I've already lost 50-something pounds! What more do you ask!?

Thrillseeker

2005-09-01T22:24:00.000+08:00

Thrillseeker

Hummin': Bad Day by Danny Powter

Days have been passing me by as though they are mere seconds. One boring 24-hour routine after another--each one slipping by without much notice.

I've been and still am bored. This is probably the reason why I haven't been blogging about interesting stuff as much, credit that to the nothing-bloggable that's filled or emptied my life.

I am in such a mediocre state right now that I find being in a sort of balance doesn't quite fit me in the long run. I am going from sleep to eating to baking, squeeze in a little studying, to eating and sleeping again. It's all like clockwork, and I am very dissatisfied.

People like me need drama too! And not the drama leftovers or hangovers I get from other people's lives, but thrills from my own! And not just the mother-daughter spat reruns I've had so many times before, but real excitement, the kind that is generated by the happenings in my own life!!!

Ah, see how there is a build-up of volume in my writing voice? I am in NEED, desperately so.

Give me a high. Even just a shot.

Daughter-hood

2005-08-29T19:14:00.000+08:00

Daughter-hood

Hummin': Something Beautiful by Robbie Williams

What do you call that "Damned if you do, damned if you don't?"

Oh right, being the daughter of my mom.

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

You've probably heard how mere words can destroy and break a person down. Well, I've gone through it a thousand times.

Although it helps that I can zone out on impulse, and have an easy, re-inflatable ego.

Foodstuff and Other Bits

2005-08-23T23:20:00.000+08:00

Foodstuff and Other Bits

Hummin': The Happy Tune

I'm stressed out. Aside from having to sleep very late last night, actually morning, I had a lot of papers to edit for workshops. And then there were the usual readings that weren't really that heavy, except that when topped onto the already bulky work to do, it adds a lot of pressure.

Good news is we're already earning money from Foodstuff, the baked goods that we sell twice a week. Plus, we're going to start doing other gimmicks ang gigs just so we can raise enough funds for the Fine Arts Festival 2006! Whoohoo!

I realize just lately how snobbish I have been to acquaintances that I don't know very well. I don't always greet them NOT because I was feeling smug, but rather because I felt SHY, and after hesitating whether to say hi or not, the moment passes by and people look away. Snob na tuloy labas ko.

Well, I'm just glad that I have a bunch of college friends who are ready to support me. I'm just thankful and very appreciative of them, both the old and the new. I LOVE YOU ALL! *flying kisses everywhere*

PS: If you are studying in Ateneo, please buy or order through me: 0917-8995241. It's really for a good cause.

Tackling The Thesis

2005-08-20T15:30:00.000+08:00

Tackling The Thesis

Hummin': Naughty Girl by Beyonce

I've been quite busy these past weeks. Aside from the usual load of schoolwork that I often cram, I had a lot of other things to do. One, we are fundraising for our thesis projects through selling baked goods, that includes cookies, brownies and cakes.

(And yes, if you're in or near the Ateneo, please contact me 0917-8995241 and BUY! Hahaha!)

Also, I've met with my adviser, the beautiful, nice and smart, Karla Delgado. We're going to try and concretize what topics I should probably include in my book. You read it right, I'm going to try and publish my non-fiction essays in a book!

The topics would probably range under the oddities of Filipino-Chinese and other interesting stuff. The style would be a light narrative with a bit of humor infused, similar to the tone of writing I do here in my blog. It will be entitled, The Red Dot, showing the dot that is placed on siopaos to indicate a special flavor.

Now, I really need your help.

1. BUY OUR FOODSTUFF! I promise they will be very satisfying!
2. What questions do you usually have regarding Filipino-Chinese traditions? (Anything odd or curious will do.) For example, the exclusivity of Chinese dating Chinese. Or, why most Chinese people own buy-and-sell businesses?
3. What do you think of the title, Red Dot?

Thank you in advance. (Flying kisses.)

From A Proud Sister

2005-08-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

From A Proud Sister

Hummin': In my Daughter's Eyes by Martina Mcbride

My sister hasn't had the best life. She was an outcast during the early elementary years. She was very thin then, and quite weak physically. So many of her classmates boosted their ego by putting her down.

Damn them.

After switching schools, she thought she'd found a group she could belong to. Unfortunately, they turned out to be backstabbing bitches who abandoned her right then and there.

Damn them even more.

In highschool, she was a loner for a year or two. Sure, she had friends, but not the ones who you could just hang out with. Then again, in her third year, they had two new students who became her friends. She was happy God answered her prayer, but they didn't quite share the same wavelength, which made it hard for my already quiet sister to share stories.

Then came college. This new step was like an opportunity for a new image presenting itself to her. After all, with a new environment, perhaps she would be lucky to find good friends this time. At first, she belonged to an all-girl group of seven. But after a few weeks, some bonds became stronger than others and she became the odd one out.

After a few classes, Fate gave her a chance to be close to other people. And so she got to know other batchmates, which quickly accepted her into their big group. They hung out in different restaurants and malls, went to Tagaytay for the weekend, spent three days in Ilocos and whereelse. I even got to spend time with them for a couple of times, help out with their projects and competition.

And I silently thanked God every time she would talk about them. Because she is a compassionate and kindred soul--the one who deserves good friends the most. I was SOOO DAMN NICE to them, because I felt so grateful.

I was wrong.

Those so-called FRIENDS are actually shallow, pretentious, idiotic and unreasonable. For a mistake not my sister's fault, they all turned their back on her, abandoned her the minute they smelled trouble, leaving her vulnerable and alone.

DAMN THEM THE MOST!!!

I am one who would not tolerate a mistake just because we're related by blood. But from all the accounts I've checked and rechecked, she really was the victim, one who was seen as weaker and therefore an easier scapegoat.

I cursed her friends so much that I actually lost my voice. Unfortunately, I wasn't given the chance to say it to their face. Well, for all it's worth, I REALLY HOPE THEY FIND MISFORTUNE IN LIFE--the kind that I know they deserve.

FUCK THEM.

(And I'm not even using an asterisk.)

May they find each other squealing like pigs in hell.

I have consoled her on the several occasions she's found her alone and desperate. I have advised her to not let people come to close anymore, not after that streak of bad luck in attracting the fake kind of friends. I told her she doesn't need them because I'm here, (and will always be) to love, help and protect her.

Today, she is progressing with her dreams. Her ambitious goals are so near in sight, and with her determination and hard work, I know it will not be far from reach. What she lacked with loyal people, she gained with fortunate opportunities. And someday, when she reaches that seat of success, I hope we and her "friends" could meet again...

--Just so I can rub their SHIT it on their faces and stuff it in their gaping mouths.

Quivering Wet Puppy

2005-08-12T17:22:00.000+08:00

Quivering Wet Puppy

I hate ME sometimes.

There are opportunities for me to speak my mind and I don't. I quiver inside like a wet puppy, insecure and afraid of what people might think. And then, when the opportunity passes by, I can't seem to keep my opinions to myself.

I feel as that in those situations, I morph into a person that I hate. The type of person who is too fussy, a busybody, but there are just times where I can't seem to keep my nose from getting into other businesses that involve myself, especially when I know I can contribute. The thing is, I am so afraid (grabe, you don't know just how) of getting myself into responsibilites. I have had a traumatic experience in highschool that really made my confidence in leading hit rock-bottom.

Let's not go into that, because I hate crying.

So please, sa mga tatamaan, ang I know some will get to read this: be gentle...and have a little understanding.

I'm being vague, I know. But it's all because I'm quivering inside again.

Should I?

2005-08-05T15:22:00.000+08:00

Should I?

Hummin': Hallelujah by Bamboo

I'm bored too.

Though I shouldn't be. I should be writing a Philosophy paper that's due in 3 hours. I should be studying to be a lawyer, my father says. I should be a stunning beauty queen, my mother says. I should stop eating these cheese crackers, my brother says. I should quit being a know-it-all bitch, my sister says.

I should be a lot of things.

Maybe even more than what is said and thrown carelessly into the suffocating air of Manila. I smell success somewhere in that smog, but I don't know if I can snatch it and keep it in a bottle.

I should probably stop philosophizing on random-things-except-the-thesis I'm supposed to write about.

But really, I'm just bored.

...And procrastinating.

Like I said, I should be a lot of things.

I've nothin' to do

2005-07-29T20:02:00.000+08:00

I've nothin' to do.

Hummin': How Far by Martina McBride

I have tons of stuff to do for next week, and yet here I am wasting time by surfing blogs and blogging. Hehehe! Anyways, here are the five top finds when it comes to smart*ss lines! Enjoy!

Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a better defense!

Every ten seconds, somewhere on this earth, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

You can only be young once, but you can be immature FOREVER.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

AND here's something to actually think about:

Why didn't Noah swat the last two mosquitoes?

Ooh, and has anyone seen the shampoo commercial where after the girl supposedly uses SUNSILK, the guy gets so entranced by her long, black hair that he hits his head on the glass wall on his way to her? And I also noticed him being one of the newer Bench models. Who is this dude? I am so crushing on him! *wheehee*

...And if I'm not mistaken, he is also the guy in a toothpaste ad where he blows on his b-day cake and turns the girl to ice. Who is he?

Faux Chicken Pox

2005-07-27T11:48:00.000+08:00

Immersion Souvenirs: Faux Chicken Pox

(It's not because I'm nervous, but I feel like I have an army of ants crawling all over me.)

I've been enjoying the comforts of home for three days now. After returning from my Immersion, I now appreciate the small things that I have so much more. It's easy to just feel like the world unjust, but when you closely see how much less other people have, I tell myself, "shame on you."

Samal is a quiet and peaceful place, close to Nature and full of her abundance. I and my partner, Rae, were assigned to one of the poorest houses in the community. Nanay Tess and Tatay Alberto had five kids, where four were still living with them, namely, Tope, Buknoy, Camille and Roy. Their house were the mere size of my room and bathroom combined. Their cabinet is the size of my desk. The number of their utensils must be less than the spoons and forks I've carelessly lost in my lifetime.

They didn't have a sink, nor a bathroom (yes, I peed on the grass and didn't poo for three days! And the five girls of our Theology group, took baths together in plain sight--and no, not naked, but with our clothes on.). They also didn't have decent walls to protect them if anyone wanted to harm them. They didn't even have electricity, which made the insect-reigned night even darker and spookier.

I didn't know just what convinced them to take in two more children, even for just a weekend, because as far as I saw, we were merely extra burdens for the already impoverished family. Sure, they were farmers, and 'Tay Alberto sidelines as a fisherman and there was always good food during mealtimes. But when it comes to monetary issues, our parents had so little.

The thirty pesos we casually throw away for one Auntie Anne's pretzel was enough for the family's day allowance. The 100 bucks we squander on a Starbuck's Frappe was enough to get them through a week's gasoline expense, since the house didn't have electricity so we used gas lamps at night. And they weren't the cute lamps we were expecting, but rather they looked like the ones that were filled with gas, stuck with a long, twisted piece of cloth that people could throw at their enemies to blow them up.

Despite the family's lack of material wealth, what they have is a vast wealth of morals and tight values. While they didn't have the techie stuff that we use to entertain ourselves, they had themselves to chat and play with. They are a happy family, amidst the unjust poverty, and we are so grateful to them for letting us be a part of their family.

Rae and I slept on makeshift bamboo benches, the width must've been less than half a meter, situated in the "living room" where what protected us from the outside was just a piece of sack used to cover the doorway (they didn't have a door). So, we technically slept outside because there wasn't an adequate covering to keep the dogs, cats and what-have-you from entering and exiting the house, which is also why I have faux measles all over.

For the two nights we spent sleeping on those wooden "beds," I acquired extra eyebags, bruises and around fifty pimple-like mosquito bites on my face, arms, hands, elbows, ankle, thighs and elsewhere, which is why I still squirm like crazy when I have itch attacks. My brother actually stayed away from me when I came home in fear of getting "Chicken Pox."

Actual Souvenirs from Samal, Bataan:

One of the constellations on my face.

The big Pox on my thigh.

But after all the ups and downs, and splitting migraines of the trip, I am still happy that we went through the Immersion, because each of us had so many beautiful memories to take home with us. I also now know exactly what the song, "Magtanim ay Di Biro" means. Most of all, we are so fortunate to have been taught by the greatest teacher--Experience.

I'll never forget Nanay's cooking! Soleb, suman, calamay, sinigang...YUM!

Pre-Immersion

2005-07-21T15:45:00.000+08:00

Pre-Immersion

Hummin': Brothers Under the Sun by Bryan Adams

At six o' clock in the morning, I, along with 16 others will be leaving Manila for Samal, Bataan where our Ateneo Immersion will be held. We will be riding a bus, a jeepney and a tricycle, and then walk on foot before we reach the farming community.

For two and a half days, we will stay with a foster family, learn to live with them and like them. We will eat only when they eat, sleep where they do and experience their lifestyle and livelihood firsthand.

I have a few experiences in interacting with our less-fortunate brothers. I have joined a couple of church outreaches where we visited orphanages, homes for the aged, and cancer and pregnancy wards of certain hospitals. However, I am hoping that as I spend my time there, I will be able to learn even more on how they survive on a daily basis, having so much less than what most of us do.

Equipped with the best intentions, I also hope that my time there will be fruitful in the sense that I will also be able to impart some knowledge or maybe touch their lives in the smallest ways. I hope that I can also correct some misconceptions that they may have about "us" and vice versa.

As I grow from sharing this experience with them, I am hoping that they also receive something in return--maybe the hopes that people like us who have more opportunities could someday provide the same for them.

Wish me luck!

Weakling

2005-07-15T19:05:00.000+08:00

Weakling

Isn't it so hard to turn away from temptation when it's already laid out in front you?

I can try to flee away from those that make me stumble. I can try to turn a blind eye on those that make me fall. But when it's there in front of me, winking at me and coaxing me with that little finger, I just can't help but dumbly follow.

I'm sooo not doing well with self-control.

See, I'm supposed to be working to lose weight right now, and maybe giving myself a break once in a while. But for the past couple of weeks, my mom has been the one doing the groceries (and my mom is SUPER IMPULSIVE so we have a lot of junk and whatnots within reach) and my sister has been cooking and baking like crazy! I've been doing nothing, but pigging out, much like the habit of eating I used to have.

The bad thing is, I HAVE A DEADLINE TO CATCH!

I've really decided on doing all this hard work for an event in the near future. I wanted to be thinner by then and make all those "nasty people" eat all the insults they gave me. Ha! I'll make them eat so much that they'll lose appetite. (Well, that's the plan.)

But from the pattern that's forming now, I'll never be able to reach that goal on time! *wails* NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Where are you, Determination?

Senior's Syndrome Epidemia

2005-07-08T13:59:00.000+08:00

Senior's Syndrome Epidemia

Hummin': Better Than I by Joy Williams

NEWSFLASH!

Aside from the London Bombings, and the current political struggle for power in the Philippines, there's a new trouble brewing around the Ateneo!

Symptoms:

Impulse to check people out

Feeling lonely

Envy towards other couples

Urge to flirt

Sudden awareness of the biological clock

It's aptly called the Senior's Syndrome.

When I first heard of Senior Syndrome as an Ateneo freshman, I never took it seriously, and thought that it was just a rare case among the upper classmen. But now that I'm in my final year of college, I'm beginning to see the developments of the so-called syndrome among acquaintances, classmates and (gasp) kabarkadas.

Out of the blue, everyone's looking for a significant other. Females fan their pheromones and males instantly go for the hunt. It's weird how people suddenly act as though it is a requirement to be part of a couple. Majority of our population joins into this frenzy and couples sprout up like mushrooms.

The only bad thing about this phenomenon is that I've heard that upon nearing graduation and the Senior's Syndrome wears off, there will be a lot of cases where couples break up without any reason except for "I've fallen out of love." And surely, there will be a flood of tears as these heartbroken individuals cry over the "love of their lives." (Must remember to bring a raincoat and boots.)

Tsk tsk tsk.

What's the big hurry, I say? Then again, I have to be wary for I heard that being in the company of those affected increases the risk of getting infected with this syndrome.

Oh Lord, please NO.

HP Book 6 Reservation

2005-07-06T13:27:00.000+08:00

HP Book 6 Reservation

LARAWAN: fine arts festival 2006, and Pinoy Harry
Potter brings you the sixth installment of Harry Potter series.

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE

Reserve the sixth book through us before July 16, and
be one of the first to get the second-to-the-last
Harry Potter book.

You may contact us through: Jason (09192211787) or
Yumi (09175201700).

You can actually get it cheaper if you order through us!

Also, please tell anyone who might be interested. Thank you.

Guess Who/What?

2005-07-04T12:39:00.000+08:00

A Poem: Guess Who/What?

This is a poem I wrote on a whim. Guess who or what the poem is referring to and check out my comment box to know the answer. Good luck!

She traveled by air
To and fro, murmuring
In their language.

Dropping in, uninvited
She ignores the glares
Of the dinner's hosts.

And begins eating her fill
Licking the dinner plate
To savor the flavor.

Then, she rests,unwary
Of death approaching
In a crumpled newspaper.

Let It Go

2005-07-01T22:32:00.000+08:00

Let It Go

Hummin': What Makes You Different by I-don't-know

Sometimes, it's easier to just let go.

When it becomes too tough, too difficult, too stubborn,

And you get rope burns from holding on too tightly,

LET. IT. GO.

It doesn't always mean that you're giving up.

Maybe it is merely giving space...

Or taking chances...

Or giving a little time to think.

Or maybe, it's because you're tired of holding on.

Interview with Transcience

2005-06-27T23:12:00.000+08:00

Interview with Transcience

Hummin': In My Daughter's Eyes by Martina McBride

(Excerpt from Trans' entry.)

It all starts with a game of sorts that hoodwinks the reader into thinking that the following piece is an official interview. i asked to be interviewed by [transcience] (who asked to be interviewed by this boy, who asked to be interviewed by this girl and the cycle goes on and on and that is about as far as i will go). anyway, i am answering his five questions because as i learned, you should not bite the hand that feeds you.

This interview will now begin. It is quite long, and it's all about ME. You've been warned.

1. you are allergic to math. i am known to be allergic to too much chicken and stale air (so much so that i get the hives and have difficulty breathing). would you rather keep your psychological allergy or swap it with mine? this means that you will love math and excel at it but get rushed to the hospital everytime you eat chicken. to make things worse, you absolutely have to have chicken at least twice a week.

I'd keep my own allergy, thank you. After all, I did manage to pull through from all those horrible, horrible Math classes and *yawn* professors, even if they did cause me so much stress. Now that I'm finally a Senior in college, I celebrate the thought that I never actually have to study complicated Math EVER AGAIN! Did you read that? N-E-V-E-R! Just the thought of it makes me giddy! Heeheehee!

2. you have been through a lot of online journals! what is it that drives you to maintain a number of these instead of only one?

Err, I actually write in only two of these journals. One of those in my list is a retired community blog, two of them are layouts that I did for free and offer to anyone who wants to use them. This one is my main blog, and once in a while, I also update my poetry blog: http://toinks.diaryland.com. I use my poetry blog as a storage area for my beloved poems, just in case my computer's hard drive conks out...AGAIN.

Years ago, I loved writing in notebook diaries. But I soon realized that I couldn't fill those entries accurately, because I lose interest very quickly. Unfortunately, my right hand couldn't keep up with my thoughts. I couldn't just scribble my thoughts in, because I treated my diaries as "sacred" in a way, so I had to write very neatly and then complain about having callouses on my fingers. Then, blogging came into existence and saved me! The rest, as they say, is history.

3. how has losing weight affected your perception of the world?

It has changed in terms of seeing just how determination and self-control can actually push you to that finish line. Despite my scary obesity, I actually never tried dieting in my whole life before. I used to fear that going on a diet and constantly thinking about losing weight would pull my confidence down and make my insecurities multiply. I never wanted to feel like I was inadequate, and so it was only through my doctor's threat and watching Oprah that I actually decided on changing my life.

I know I'm still a long way from my realistically ideal goal, but I'm working on it. I hope that making this life makeover will actually change other people's perceptions, because I know some judgmental adults actually whisper behind my back that my being fat is because I'm lazy and "incapable."

When in fact, I obsessed about food because I used it as a security blanket, comforting me when I'm depressed and cheering me on when I'm happy. I hope that through my own ordeal, I can also inspire even just a few people on also taking care of themselves and avoiding the Big C, Diabetes and similar diseases.

4. PROCRASTINATION is your middle name. what are your first and last names?

My first name is CRAMMING and my last name is UNDERSTANDING. I'm very reasonable, so it's rather difficult to cross over to my bad side. This is why if you're actually on my ABHOR list, you're probably a very dislikable person.

5. you are sort of turned off by bad spellers. what is one word you think that everyone should know how to spell? discuss.

I've been thinking about this question overnight, and I guess, everyone should know how to spell their own names. I mean, how could you sign documents and apply for ID's if you can't even spell your own name right? This is why I think that people in the registry should very well know how to spell or, just TYPE right because there are so many typographical errors in people's birth certificates! Even my Dad's name in his birth certificate is spelled wrong!!!

Subconscious Hints

2005-06-25T09:27:00.000+08:00

What is the subconscious trying to say?

I've recently noticed that my sleeping hours are getting longer. Not that I have all the time in the world, but rather that my body seems to choose oblivion rather than reality. But even snoozing longer hasn't been giving me much needed rest. That's because I'm being plagued by the weirdest dreams lately...

Just a few nights before, I dreamt of being chased by three bears. I ran ahead and urged my family to run faster. We all ran for our lives, our breaths shortening as we climbed the hill. But before I could even reach the top, I heard a scream and saw the bear get one of us. I didn't know who it was or how it happened. I suddenly just woke up wishing I NEVER, ever get to meet a big, black bear in the wild.

Last night's dream is even more unpredictable. I dreamed of Jason trying to butcher me with that huge knife--in our own house! It felt so real that my heartbeats tripled, like I was competing in a do-or-die sprint! AAAHHH!!! It was freaky... I can't get the image of Jason out of my mind!

(Talk about getting trapped in your own head.)

Ah, well...I just might have to leave the light on for tonight.

No Secrets II

2005-06-20T19:30:00.000+08:00

No Secrets II

Just a short follow-up to the "No Secrets!" post.

Extra Trivia:

--We know that fruits are requirements to a balanced meal, but fruits still contain sugar, Fructose. So, here are four fruits that hit the bottom of the list in terms of high sugar content and not much fiber:

Banana

Watermelon

Grapes

Pineapple

--When exercising, try to increase your pace when you feel like you're already comfortable. A challenging exercis is more effective in increasing stamina and burning calories. However, don't push yourself too hard lest you get injured or gain more muscles than you want (Personally, I don't want those bulky muscles).

--When you don't know where a food product originally came from, don't eat it. Anything processed loses most, if not all of its nutritional value. Also, anything that doesn't look like its original form, like white rice, should be kept at bay.

--Don't buy things in the supermarket that you know you SHOULDN'T eat. Having temptation in the house is just not going to help you through this! Try not to eat out too. Most restaurants serve really unhealthy, high-calorie meals. You don't want to sulk with your salad, do you? Resist temptation and you'll feel so much better about yourself.

--When you find yourself indulging on forbidden foods once in a while, relax and forgive yourself. Many dieters in a survey replied that once they give in to eating a lot, they feel like failures and so continue eating. Making a mistake is all too human. Remember, a success is someone who fails, but manages to stand up and try again!

GO YOU! Hehehe!!! If any of you has additional tips or just updates, tell me, OK? Hit that comment button on the lower left of this post. *wink*

I take it back!

2005-06-16T20:49:00.000+08:00

I take it back!

Hummin': Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson

AAAAHHHH!!! The guilt is killing me. I just feel so bad. I take back what I said in my previous post. I take everything judgmental about it back!

ALL OF IT.

Truly, he is not the best speller in the world, but he's still one of the nicest people I know. He's been nothing but nice to me. Bashing him (in a way, it is) is just not right.

I'm sorry and I take it back.

Down the Pedestal

2005-06-13T15:13:00.000+08:00

Down the Pedestal

Hummin': Wherever You Are by South Border

I admired him for so many years. I placed him on a pedestal so high you could only catch a glimpse of the soles of his feet. He was up there, alongside all the gods and goddesses that we, mere mortals, can never have.

He was the character of the man in my happily-ever-after fantasies. The kind of man who would love, cherish and protect you all the days of your life. Sometimes, it's easier to deal with a infatuation by keeping him out of reality. That way, you won't have to deal with his earthly issues.

Then again, they say that when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up. I think that saying works backwards too.

He was on top, and he came crashing down.

Sometimes you're given a chance to reach that pedestal and actually see that person for he is, face to face. The results vary in each situation. Sometimes, you love him all the more because you see his flaws, and yet you find them irresistably endearing. However, from personal experience, after I inevitably and involuntarily learn about that person's defects, I sadly realize then that this "god" somehow turns me off.

Gone is that image of perfection. Just like that. And along with it goes my made-up preconceptions.

In its place is a man that you find all too human. Zits, warts and all.

I thought getting to know him better was just going to prove my earlier impressions right. See, when I met him a few years ago, I was swept off my feet and got knocked down so hard that he became the measurement standards for all other guys. In my world, I createdand viewed him to be near perfect. I mean, he was the nicest guy with the best gentlemanly manner I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. No one, and I mean, no one even came close to how kind and considerate he was.

Now, don't get me wrong. I find out that he still holds the "Nicest Guy Award."

But.

Being the picky girl that I am, I find a little fault, a small thing that I just couldn't turn a blind eye on. He couldn't spell. Okay, he can spell most words--but he gets one ordinary word so horrifically mutated that I was just completely turned off (a more adequate definition is REPULSED).

Argh.

After all these years, why did he suddenly have to come down from that pedestal???

I wish my curiosity didn't get the better of me. Maybe then, I'd still have someone to look up to.

Paano Kaya Tayo Uunlad?

2005-06-08T21:20:00.000+08:00

Paano Kaya Tayo Uunlad?

Hummin': (LSS) Incomplete by BSB

Hindi ako maituturing na isang napaka-optimistikong tao pagdating sa kalagayan ng ating bansa. Ni hindi ako mabibilang sa mga may tiyagang magprotesta para sa di-makatuwirang pamamalakad ng ating pamahalaan.

Passive ako sabi nila. Palagi na lamang akong abstain sa botohan. Wala raw akong pakialam. Masakit pakinggan, pero mayroong mga butil ng katotohanan. Subalit, sa kabila ng kadalasang hindi pag-imik, masasabi ko pa rin na mahal ko ang Pilipinas.

Oo, nawawalan ako ng gana kapag usapang politika o ekonomiya ang ulam sa hapag-kainan. Ayoko kasing binabagabag ako ng mga isyung hindi ko masolusyonan. Pero minsan, kahit ang baba na ng standards of expectation ko sa mga namamalakad ng ating bansa, laging pumapalpak pa rin.

(Kung hindi ka nga ba naman maiinis sa mokong na 'to.)

Nagbabantay ako sa tindahan namin kaninang umaga nang may dumating na mamang may bigoteng kasing kapal ng pinagsamang kilay ni Peter Gallagher. Nilapitan siya ng isa naming katiwala at tinanong.

Yoly: Sir, anong kelangan nila?
Mr. Bigote: Mayroon ba kayong door lock?
Yoly: Meron po.
Mr. Bigote: Meron kayo yung mumurahin lang?
Yoly: Meron, Sir. Sistema ang tatak.
Mr. Bigote: Ay, 'wag iyon. Mahal pa rin iyon eh.
Yoly: Sir, eh ano po bang kelangan niyo?
Mr. Bigote: Iyong mumurahin. Kahit 'yung hindi masyado matibay, basta tatagal siya hanggang sa matapos iyong project. (Sabay ngisi ng malapad.) Kung masisira man 'yan, sana pagkaalis ko na.
Yoly: Eh saan po ba gagamitin?
Mr. Bigote: Sa proyekto ng gobyerno--kay General ito eh.
Yoly: Ah...sige po. Ito nalang ho. Mura.

Sino bang hindi pag-iinitan ng ulo nito? Mula sa pinakamababa hanggang sa pinakataas, lahat ng mga nangakong magseserbisyo sa bayan, eh nagnanakaw lang naman. Kahit kakaunti eh wala man lang malasakit sa mga dapat makinabang sa proyektong iyon.

Pero hindi pa iyon tapos.

Noong bayaran na ang usapan, hiningi nila sa amin ang pinaka-mataas na presyo ng door lock, (iyong imported pa ha) pagkatapos ay iyon ang ipinalagay nila sa listahan para sa reimbursement.

Ang gago 'di ba?

Kaya minsan, mas gusto ko na lamang ibaling ang aking tingin sa mga mas magagandang bagay. Sa ganoon, hindi ako nawawalan ng pag-asa.

Nakalulungkot. Nakakaawa. Nakakapanghinayang.

No Secrets!

2005-06-04T22:26:00.000+08:00

No Secrets!

Hummin': I Hope You Dance by Ronan Keating

There is no real secret or shortcuts to how you can lose those unwanted inches and still have a healthy body other than through eating less and moving more. If there is a secret solution, then maybe 61% of adult Americans wouldn't be overweight. But there is hope in hard work and perseverance.

After reading a lot of books and watching loads of Oprah, I have accumulated a rather wide collection of valuable tips and have put them into practice. As of today, I have managed to somehow lose 15 kilograms, so I guess, IT WORKS!

Knowing how much I was frustrated with myself when I was just starting on my exercise program, I hope that what I can be of help to others too. Continue reading.

1.) Exercise. No, this word freaks people out. So, let's rephrase that to MOVING. Moving more increases the burning of calories, and that means the dissolution of fats collected in the tummy area, the thighs, the upper arms, and wherever they congregate.

Try enrolling in a gym if you're someone like me who needs a better environment than the living room, which made me just want to sit around and watch TV. And to enjoy your workout, do it with a buddy! You can also opt for joining Pilates (good for the posture too), Yoga or Aerobics classes.

Personal Tips Through Experience:

Instead of taking a cab home, I take the LRT-2 and walk the 3 blocks home.

Instead of asking the maid to get my cellphone or something from the third floor of our house, I do it myself.

Instead of watching TV like a couch potato, I've progressed into a moving potato (jogging in place, stretching, doing bicep curls and other arm exercises).

Instead of taking the elevator or escalator, take the stairs. (Yes, I'm directing this to all mall-goers too.)

Doing this is the only way you can achieve a huge weight loss and still have a firm body. You don't want skin that hangs down like oversized clothes, do you? Plus, doing exercise actually releases Endorphins, happy hormones that'll help you keep the stress level stabilized.

2.) Dieting. Another word that I know freaks people into automatically thinking of torture and starvation. But what about if we rephrase this word into EATING WISELY. Starving yourself will keep you in a yo-yo cycle that is hard to get out of. If you want long-term effects, choose a dieting regime that you can maintain for the long run.

Dieting need not be a horrible experience. All you need is a little bit of patience, extra effort and determination. The following lists are guidelines.

The Complete No-no's: You're better off without these!

Junk Food (Even banana chips have to go.)

Fast Food (Say goodbye to McDo, Jollibee, Burger King, Pizza Hut etc.)

Softdrinks (One can of this is about 1/4 of sugar. You're drinking SUGAR that gets turned into fats. Plus, this kind of sugar is the type that gives you a "high" and then lets you crash afterwards.)

Sweets (No more candies, chocolates, cookies, cakes and the likes.)

Chicharon, Pork and Chicken Skin (Anything deep fried is BAAAAD.)

The Avoidables/"Sometimes" Food:

"White Stuff," and I quote Oprah, although she condemns this in her 12-week diet. (Bread, White Rice, Pastries, Yes and literarally Siopao)

Canned or boxed juices (Because I read in a book that after the juice gets squeezed from the fruit, all the fiber is taken away, and all that's left is majorly Fructose, sugar found in fruits. And again I say, excess sugar gets turned into FATS.)

The Good Stuff:

Whole Grains (Oatmeal is a good source of fiber! I suggest you look for the Old-Fashioned Quaker Oatmeal. They help with cholesterol and weight management.)

Skim or Soya Milk (Stay away from dairy: no more cream and cheese please.)

Fruits and Veggies (Our bodies need at least 5 servings of these DAILY. Fiber-rich that they are, you can feel full longer.)

Fish (If you can, try to slowly replace your meat products with fish. Maybe eat meat as rarely as you can. Fish is rich in Omega 3, which is actually good fats for the body.)

There are a lot of recipes in books, on TV and in several websites of healthy meals that are actually delicious and still are low enough in calories. Search Google, your local bookstore or look for newspaper and magazine recipes.

If you are quite a rice eater, like I used to be, don't shock your body by completely cutting it out of your diet. Try limiting yourself to a cup of rice for a week, and then to half a cup for two weeks, and then to a quarter of rice for another week. After a month, you won't even miss it!

The key here is eating in moderation. I don't think there is a strict or specific diet you have to follow. Just make sure you still get a balanced diet as much as possible. I never wanted to feel deprived, so I give myself a little allowance sometimes. Also, try to be more aware of what you put inside your mouth. Tasting a little often leads to eating a lot.

Whew...that was a long post.

However, I am willing to write a follow-up to this, adding more details if need be. I am also willing to answer questions and clarifications from othe frustrated folks like myself. Leave 'em below.

Eyes of Wonder

2005-05-29T15:25:00.000+08:00

Eyes of Wonder

His eyes searched for mine, in deep pursuit of something that could fill the longing inside of him. His gaze intensified; his mouth tightened, as if asking me to break the code and retrieve the message behind his smooth facade.

I looked back, accidentally, momentarily.

I was caught.

My mind floated high up in the clouds, while my heart fought bravely to break free from its cage. Turmoil ruled and chaos erupted, wrecking what little composition I managed to hold onto.

My resistance waned, and I found myself sinking into that blissful mystery. The warmth invited, nay, welcomed me like an old friend that I had known for so long. The ropes that held me, snapped, one after the other...

Wait, a little voice said.

I paused to look around me, wondering what the hell I was planning to do. But I had no answers. I felt weak. I wanted to give in.

But for once, before I was completely lost, Reality drew me back.

...And I looked away.

Soon to be Rebonded

2005-05-26T00:17:00.000+08:00

Soon to be Rebonded

I've been wanting to have my hair rebonded since last year. It wasn't because rebonded hair became the trendy thing, but rather I saw it as a way to finally tame my uncontrolled hair, which has been quite a burden since I can remember.

I begged, pleaded, compromised, but my mom just wouldn't hear it, even when I offered to pay for it myself. UNTIL, I finally decided to face my weight issue. She's been trying and nagging me to deal with it for the longest time. And I'm finally making an effort.

So I made a deal with her. I told her I would strive to reach a particular short-term weight goal, and then, she would have to finance my rebonding expense (which is way over my summer budget) in return.

Supporting my battle with the bulge, she said that if I reach the 20-pound mark before the summer is over, she'd sponsor me. On second thought, I told her I'd change the goal to 30 pounds so that it would make me work harder on myself.

She finally agreed.

After working my ass off for the last two months, my weight stabilized with a 14-kilo loss. Converted to pounds, that's a little more than thirty pounds. (Hip, hip, hurray!) She's happy and I'm even happier! So, I made the arrangements a while ago, and off I shall go to the salon next Tuesday to have my hair finally "controlled."

I CAN'T WAIT! See you then...

D.U.F.F.

2005-05-03T16:47:00.000+08:00

D.U.F.F.

What is a DUFF, you might wonder? Well, I haven't had an idea until I watched a replay of Average Joe on ETC almost a week ago. Read on and find out. The searcher of the show, beautiful and sexy Melana, had to cut two guys out of the remaining four "joe's" left and so the producers came up with this plan to see the guys for their true colors.

Melana was made to wear prosthetics for her face and body so that she would look twice as big. Then, they passed her off as Melana's "cousin," Danielle, who was going to interview the guys. Afterwards, the guys were ushered into the poolhouse, not knowing that the place was filled with cameras to record their reactions.

The next morning, Melana plays the tape recording the guys' responses. Not surprisingly, it shows Zach, the house jerk, talking about how Danielle is a Duff. The other 3 guys didn't know what a Duff is, so Zach goes on to explain that a DUFF is a Designated, Ugly, Fat Friend and that every group of hot girls has one. He says that for a guy to get in with the girl, he must get in with the Duff of the group.

Here comes the personal effect it had on me. The bit of insecurity that hid deep down my being came rising in huge torrents. I actually felt tears dripping down my cheeks after hearing what a Duff is. See, I belong to a group of good-looking girls, in which I am the only one who is way overweight. And even though I know that my girlfriends do not see me this way, I can't help but feel that guys might have perceived me as the Duff of our group.

Ouch...

This is really petty and stupid, I know. But I really couldn't sleep well that night.

Now I'm really motivated to get rid of these extra pounds. I've lost 10 kilos (22 pounds) so far, but no one's actually noticed the difference. My sister says it's probably because half of it is only the water weight. So, I'll have to strive harder and not lose patience or determination.

After all, I didn't get this fat in just a short time. It took me years to pack in the pounds, and so it will probably take me quite a long time to get rid of them too. Go me!

Disappointed.

2005-04-20T00:30:00.000+08:00

Disappointed.

Have you ever experienced grave disappointments from having to chase after a very enticing piece of bait for miles and miles, but then when you finally touch it with your fingers, you find out that it's nothing but an inedible, rubber chew toy?

I've been through a lot of disappointments in my short 19-going-20 years of existence. Those were times where I either grew weaker, allowing doubts and insecurities to infiltrate my system; or stronger, walking away with greater wisdom from experiences.

Despite claiming to be a practical 'realist,' I secretly am still a dreamer. I still expect, hope and dream, even if there's only the teeniest, slightest bit of a chance. Hence, I often fall flat on my face, getting nothing but muck in my mouth and salty tears in my eyes.

But inspite of the number of times I had been caught like a panic-stricken deer in front of headlights and had gotten hit right on the face, I still can't seem to get used to the pain and humiliation of my downfall. I never see it coming.

I never seem to learn.

I'm so exhausted from thinking about things that may never happen. I'm so sick of continuously chasing after hopes and dreams that may never materialize into reality. I'm just so damn tired of all this.

I just wish I could be as tough as I appear to be.

Mommy's Healing Process

2005-04-14T11:47:00.000+08:00

Mommy's Healing Process

Hummin': Over by Lindsay Lohan

It's that awful time again because my Mommy's feeling down.
And while she's down, she tends to spread her sadness all around.
She points her finger everywhere, trying to pass the blame.
But we all know, it's only because she's overcome with shame.
So daily we trudge on each our way all with bleeding hearts;
For as Mommy mends her her broken heart, she tears ours apart.

I'm quite busy nowadays...there's nothing much on my summer to-do list that I do, but because of all kinds of errands, I can't seem to find some leisure time to spend either blogging or bloghopping. Sorry I haven't visited your blogs. Hopefully, I'll be back pretty soon.

As for the free lay-outs, it might take me a day or two to send the template codes. Email me at allergictomath@gmail.com.

Free Layouts!

2005-03-29T14:51:00.000+08:00

Free Layouts!

Like promised, here are the layouts I've made. Please leave your comments on it, so I can improve them. And also, if any of you wants to use either one, leave your email and URL (website link) in the comment box below and I will email the code to you.

This one is rather sultry and a little darker.

Click--> Take a Bite.

...While this one is on the lighter, happier side of love.

Click--> Teddy XOXO

Hope you all liked them!

Exchanging Letters

2005-03-27T14:20:00.000+08:00

Exchanging Letters

Hummin': My Boo by Usher/Alicia Keys

Yesterday, I found myself sorting through my white drawer of old stationaries, which was under my bed. There were more than a hundred unopened sets; some of them were scented, some had embossed details and some had famous cartoon characters.

As a little girl, I always loved receiving letters. And what better way to ensure that you receive letters than by first sending some to others? My friends and I, even though we saw and talked to each other everyday in school, still wrote to each other once or twice a week. I'm glad that I managed to save about half of them.

Majority of those, as I discovered yesterday, were full of crap (sorry). There were plenty of "how are you's," "KIT-Keep In Touch," "JAPAN-Just Always Pray At Night," "TCCIC=Take Care Coz I Care," and the reassuring "FF-Friends Forever!" at the end. Most of which, I believe, were not even half-meant by giggly elementary girls. But we loved reading them anyway.

As silly as it seems today, I believe that exchanging those letters also had a huge effect on how our friendships were cemented. Oddly enough, those letters that I managed to keep (unintentionally losing others) were from elementary and highschool friends that I remain very close to until this very day. While many of the letters I know I received, but lost, were from other friends who don't care less to what happens to me.

Maybe it was a silly ritual, or just a fad, but writing letters to my girlfriends allowed me to express my gratitude for their friendships. Now that I think about it, each letter I wrote carried a message of "Thank you for being my friend." In return, even if words were unwritten, I believe their letters to me also meant, "You're welcome...and thank you, too."

PS: Due to people asking for help with layouts, I'm making two layouts for girly (Hehe...Sorry guys!) blogs and will be releasing them for FREE early next week. Check back for updates!

Summer Freedom

2005-03-21T15:22:00.000+08:00

Summer Freedom

Hummin': Hari ng Sablay by Sugarfree

For the first time in two years, I finally can claim that I have a summer vacation! Whoop-dee-doo!

I actually have three units to take this summer, but I guess I could just (over)load it in my Senior year. After all, after spending 2 of the previous summers inside a stuffy classroom taking notes and listening to teachers drone, I think I deserve a break.

For these upcoming months, I'm planning to spend more time inside the gym and maybe in the swimming pool. (For the fats, y'know.) Then, I'll try scouting around for some graphic design or animation classes. I really love editing photos and making layouts such as this one. Moreover, if I plan to work in the advertising field, I think these skills are huge pluses, if not, prerequisites.

And maybe, if I find one, I'd also like to enroll in a dressmaking class. My mom took one when she was still single and I've always been curious how I can create my own clothes and bags. Maybe I can start a small business in the near future, or if not, I can still use the skills someday as a wife or mom.

Ambitious, huh?

I know that I may be over-challenging myself, but I think that it's better to aim for tougher things than allow yourself to stay mediocre. And if I don't get to do all those I've listed, getting a 2 out of 3 wouldn't be bad either.

I just hope that these two months will not be wasted like the ones I've spent in highschool where all I did was accumulate fats in my body and numb my brain. I hope to be more productive and maybe become more well-rounded so I can find a nice and stable job after college.

Wish me luck! Better yet, include me in your prayers.

Couch Patatas

2005-03-13T13:00:00.000+08:00

Couch Patatas

I'm a TV junkie. I can't live without the drama, comedy and reality TV series that make me look forward, very excitedly if I might add, to every week's new episode. So here's a post dedicated entirely to the shows that truly make me a couch potato.

1. MANHUNT, the recently concluded male model contest, where the Jon Jonsson (see little pics above) emerged victorious, despite being a couple of inches shorter than the other guys. I had been rooting for him since the second episode, after seeing so much potential in him. I was overjoyed when he won! Haha!

This was aired here in the Philippines every Tuesday of the past two months in Star World. I will terribly miss this as a MAJOR source of eye-candy. *sniffles*

2. Amazing Race 7. I've always been a fan of this show. It has wonderful settings, adrenaline rushes, and dramatic situations (what more can you ask for?). This new season features the winners of Survivor All-Stars, Rob and Amber! Rob is a very conniving and competitive guy in Survivor, so I think this season's race bears a whole lot of surprises.

3. Outback Jack. It's a mixture of The Bachelor and Survivor. The show picked the girly-girls and then placed them in the outback where there's no electricity and they had to stay in tents. Then they're made to do tasks, where the prizes are dates with the ruggedly handsome, Jack.

I didn't get to watch the start of this show, but when I chanced upon it, I found myself hooked and very amused. LOL!

Last, but definitely not the least, OPRAH.

If I have the time, I will watch all the Oprah shows day in and day out. Some of the shows contain so much life-changing lessons regarding death of loved ones, heartbreaks, child molestation and other issues in our society. Other times, they're really funny when Oprah interviews the biggest stars and gives us the what's up of their lives. Then there are episodes where she gives away her favorite things, and makes me drool like crazy with envy. There are also a lot of episodes where she rewards the good, but poor people with grants, cars, clothes and even houses.

I've only become an avid Oprah viewer late last year, but I'm glad that I am one because this show has enriched a lot of people in the two decades that it has been running. I am one among the millions. If there is a TV personality that truly made a difference in me as a person, I would say it would be Oprah.

PS: Other shows that I follow are CSI, Will and Grace, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Entertainment Tonight, Everybody Loves Raymond and American Idol. But I wouldn't want to bore anyone to death, so I've chosen to just write about my three current favorites.

Oooh, and I've been downloading Desperate Housewives! It's a fantastic series!

The Makings of a Mental Block

2005-03-09T12:23:00.000+08:00

The Makings of a Mental Block

Hummin': Kulang na Kulang by Joy and Bevs

The sweltering heat of the upcoming dog days is already letting its presence known. Beads of sweat form on my sensitive nose every minute, even with the aircon blasting warm winds. My wet hair from a recent cold shower drips water down my back, seeping into my old, oversized, green shirt.

I rest my fingers on the keyboard, wondering which one of my mangled thoughts should first be released onto the screen.

My brain elves frantically sort through the rubbish that fills my head, rummaging for anything of worth. They work long hours, you know. Never stopping, never getting more than half-way through before another load comes crashing down on my already mountainous clutter of thoughts.

Imagine Payatas, Smokey Mountain...but worse.

Finally, a little one screams in victory, waving a piece of paper in the air. Another elf, svelte and fast, grabs the paper, jumps through the other piles of mess and reaches the massive network of computers. He hands the paper to an old, tubby, elf with glasses who then starts feeding it into the computer.

Half-way through, the paper crumples, indicating a jam in the feeder. The elder elf places his mouth over the speaker on the desk and says, "Code Red. I repeat, we have a Code Red."

A half dozen other elves come running from all directions and try to pull the paper off of the feeder. Together, they form a line, each one pulling the other, hoping that combined strength will get the paper out. But before they could say, "on the count of three..." the machine finally manage to suck in the crumpled paper.

For a second, my fingers itch to start their daily jogging routine, but then, the urge fades away just as fast. My brain registers a blank.

The elves cut their celebration short. Even before they could complete a quick "hip, hip, hurray" for a job well done, the machine does a quick "bleep," wheezes, gasps and chokes, regurgitating a thousand pieces of what could've been an inspirational masterpiece.

And again, I rest my fingers on the keyboard, wondering which one of my mangled thoughts should first be released onto the screen.

A Promise To Yourself

2005-03-06T18:44:00.000+08:00

A Promise To Yourself

Hummin': True by Ryan Cabrera

If ever you find yourself feeling a little low on your self-esteem reservoir, here's a poem that will encourage you to move on.

Promise To...

Be kind to yourself.
Look in the mirror and see
that you are beautiful.
Make three wishes.
Be strong.
Nurture your soul.
Continue your prayers.
Let go of any pain.
Banish any anger.
Take one moment at a time.
Hear music.
Make music.
Seek inspiration.
Learn.
Believe in fairy tales
and in the magic
of your dreams.
Find that dreams do come true.
Hug yourself.
Feel the sun shine.
Believe again.
Smile.
Seek laughter.
Always remember that you have
a guardian angel
watching over you.
Find hope.
Find true love.

By Linda Ann McConnell.

I hope that as you read this, you also felt a little spark of hope rekindling in your soul. And maybe by doing what this poem recommends, you'll also start feeling a little better about yourself and the situation you're in.

Pandora's Box Opened

2005-02-23T23:02:00.000+08:00

The Opening of Pandora's Box

Hummin': Say My Name by Destiny's Child

My day in school started out fine, but ended quite badly. I was in a surly mood when I came home and wanted nothing more than to get some much-needed sleep. Unfortunately, my Dad told me that we would go out and take my grandmother to dinner. I was in no mood to even talk to anyone, much less exchange pleasantries, but no, they just wouldn't let me be.

Dinner was awful. The food was great, but the conversation was so bland, almost forced. I really tried my best to smile, but I think I displayed constipation rather than happiness on my face. My mom was badgering me to stop frowning, which I wasn't doing at all! I was just merely wearing my poker face and nothing else.

ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE LEFT ALONE.

But even that wasn't granted. The usuals popped up in the conversation: my year in college, my course, my ambitions, my school, and of course, my weight. I usually take that topic in stride, because I have always been the fat kid and so, was quite used to the constant inquiries, criticisms and "encouragement" of relatives whenever we get together. Even though they still hurt me sometimes, I tend to brush them off.

But tonight, the issue of my weight problem really got to me. I was so bothered by their comments that I could hardly swallow my food. I tuned out everyone until all I could hear was a faint buzzing in the air and played with my cold soup, while thoughts battled noisily inside my head.

I don't know why, but I felt so miserable. I guess when I started working out and reaching for changes in my life, it was only then that I truly and finally admitted that I needed to lose weight. I quit being an escapist and for the first time, I faced my problems head on.

But at the same time, I had inadvertently opened Pandora's box. My doubts, insecurities, discontent and fears were released from the cage of denial that I had kept them in for so long. A mere moment later, I discovered I am no longer happy as the person that I am.

I felt vulnerable, ugly, undesirable and even, disgusting. My hopes came crashing down on me, stomped on and torn apart even more by my growing self-doubts. Talent and inner beauty no longer seemed enough to quiet down my insecurities. Self-acceptance which I valued and was so proud of suddenly meant so little.

I felt like a handicapped fool who would never measure up.

I don't want to feel this way. I really don't... This is the feeling that I had been avoiding for the nineteen years of my life. I never wanted to be like the other girls whose main concerns have always been how they look and how much they weigh. I was happy as the fat girl who had a fun and happy-go-lucky personality...and I miss feeling that.

But my Pandora's box had been opened...and I wonder if I'll be able to close it ever again.

For the Sake of Blogging

2005-02-20T14:31:00.000+08:00

Filler

(An Entry for the Sake of Blogging)

My week has been okay. Nothing REALLY bad or good has happened. I have had good days and not-so-good ones.

My operation's healing well. I'm back to eating solids again. But the ugly bruise on my right cheek isn't showing any signs of leaving.

What else?

Hmm...I've had a haircut, which looked fanta-bulous for like 6 hours, and then my hair went back to its usual rowdy self.

Oh, and I've been weighed and measured again for my work-out progress. So far so good! To anyone who's interested, I've lost some weight and a couple of inches. (HURRAH!)

And...

My computer crashed again. For the nth time, my trusty PC failed me, which is the main reason as to why I haven't updated at all.

Now that I have, I can't seem to think of anything to say.

Ho-hum...everything's just been mediocre lately.

Weight Loss!

2005-02-10T18:44:00.000+08:00

Weight Loss!

Hummin': My Place by Nelly

Yes, you've read it right. I have truly lost some weight. In fact, I've lost four--

Teeth.

Hehehehe! I am four teeth lighter as of this hour. I just came home from my friendly dentist, Dr. Gerald Mabasa, who took out four of my wisdom teeth. Two of which had to be surgically removed since they were impacted (that meant they were horizontal, instead of the usual upright position).

I came there after psyching myself for the discomfort ahead, knowing that I would spending at least an hour and a half lying under bright lights. But nothing prepared me for the pain of four 1/2 inch needles required for anaesthesia, anti-inflammatory and bleeding suppresants.

How many?

25.

That's right. 25 painful shots of nasty tasting liquids. About 20 of which I felt hitting my nerves very painfully; 5 of which luckily were given after the anaesthesia kicked in.

I was at the verge of breaking down and crying for Mommy, who was beside me the whole time, holding both of my hands. (I think I squeezed her quite hard during the shots.) But my dentist said he would stop operating if I cried, so I had to hold it all in and pretend to be a brave girl.

It's a good thing he's quite the professional (read: Dental Surgeon), very gentle and comforting. He reassured me over and over again while doing the process. He gave me loads of heads-up, like when he was starting to cut through the gums and other more gory stuff I wouldn't mention anymore, so I wouldn't be shocked. He even gave me a 2-page information sheet a week ago that he himself wrote so I would know what would happen today.

An hour and fifteen minutes later, four of my teeth were gone. So were my fears.

What's good though is that he gave me a pint of strawberry ice cream to take home! I'm supposed to eat it all tonight at 8 pm. And even though I haven't regained the feeling in my lower jaw yet (due to the anaesthesia), you betcha I'm already salivating. LOL!

PS: Photos of my teeth and my very relieved face after surgery will be posted soon. And you can probably expect a rant-filled post about the post-surgery pain after the anaesthesia wears off that will go along with them.

PPS: I've reached the 10,000th mark of hits on my blog this week! Hurray to all you bloghoppers out there! Thanks for dropping by my blog. ;)

Malapropisms Reach Heaven

2005-02-05T16:28:00.000+08:00

Malapropisms Reach Heaven

Hummin': This is the Night by Clay Aiken

(This is a fictional conversation that my teacher in Creative Writing required us to do. We were supposed to get two people who have hundreds of years between them and create an interesting dialogue. About 90% of what Melanie says here in this conversation has been taken from transcripts of her real life interviews.)

Melanie Marquez and Saint Peter meet at the gates of heaven.

MM: Where am I?

SP: Welcome, Melanie.

MM: Oh. My. God.

SP: Not exactly. But you will meet Him inside.

MM: Wa-what? I cannot be dead. I am one of the last living Ms. International na buhay!

SP: Unfortunately, the plane you were riding crashed.

MM: Oh no...we had a planecrash-ed?

SP: (Nods solemnly.) But the good thing is, you have reached the very gates of heaven. You are in a far better place. Now, tell me in order to gain entrance to heaven, have you been a good and faithful servant?

MM: Servant? Of course not! My beauty is not like a maid, muchacha noh! Don't forget that I am a long-legged Ms. International!

SP: Ah, but it is wrong to belittle other people based on their status in life. It is a sin to judge others--

MM: I know! Because others are not a book, diba? That's what I said to Kris Aquino. I told her kapatid ko pa rin si Joey. We are one and the same!

SP: What I am about to ask you will merit your riches stored here in heaven. So, what other good works have you done while you were on earth?

MM: I think I am a good woman. I am a success because I don't middle in other people's life. Even if inaaway nila ako, I still won't stoop down to my level. I have always lived to my principle, "We are lovers. Not fighters."

SP: What about vices? Do you smoke, drink, gamble, use illegal drugs?

MM: No! They are making issues about me becoming a drug user and pusher! But they are liars! Tingnan nyo nga ako, ang payat-payat ko. I am a model! (I still don't get this.)

SP: (St. Peter's confused.) Would that be all?

MM: I also don't kill animals. I don't eat meat. I'm not a carnival.

SP: Now, before I grant you this one-way ticket to eternal happiness since your name is here in the Book of Life, I have to ask if you have any qualms regarding your untimely death? See, we have been receiving some negative feedback on our surveys, so if you have any grievances, now is the time to say so.

MM: Well, it's not so bad here. I think it is worse-r to end in Hell. I think I will get sunburn-ed there! Hmm...and besides, matagal naman na akong semi-retarded eh.

SP: Final words?

MM: I only have three words to say, "Big Angel is here!"

----

No to Plagiarism!

On a different note altogether, let's all say NO to Internet Plagiarism. Sassy Lawyer is a victim of intellectual theft. So, as bloggers who don't really have control on who reads our blogs, let's keep vigil on parasite plagiarists.

I hope our being aware will lessen the number of these pitiful people.

Boohoo...

2005-01-31T19:43:00.000+08:00

Boohoo...

She made me cry.

And I hardly ever do.

Now I feel bad.

Embarassed.

Ashamed.

Because I cried over a petty thing.

What's happening to me?

Good-time Friend

2005-01-28T18:08:00.000+08:00

Good-time Friend

Hummin': Broken (Chorus) by Robert Downey Jr.

There he was.

After almost two months of not seeing him, eventhough we go to the same school and attend the same church, there he was, standing and smiling widely at me.

I nodded towards him. He waved back.

I thought, "Aba, he's friendly today." Afterthoughts of my bitterness over our spoiled friendship came back to me in huge waves, but I shrugged it off. I was no longer hung up on that hurting memory anymore. I accepted the fact that he had outgrown me.

The program ended. People stood up and walked towards the exit. I joined in the crowd, chatting with my bestfriend as we went along. The next thing I knew, an arm was looped around my shoulder.

"Abiiii!" He ecstatically said, pinching my right cheek at the same time. "Tagal na natin 'di nagkita ah!" (We haven't seen each other for so long!)

"Onga eh." I replied, much less enthusiastic, but smiling nevertheless.

"Punta ka sa *toot*?" (Are you going to *toot*?) He asked me.

I shrugged, "Not sure yet."

"Punta ka na!" (Go!) He insisted.

"Bakit ka ba excited masyado? Atat ka eh!" (Why are you so excited? You're itching to go!) I joked. It's been a while since I've even felt the slightest hint that he was missing our company, his old friends.

And then, the clincher. "Wala ako kasama eh... Hehehe!" (I have no one to go with.) He answered, smiling from ear to ear, unknowingly bursting the bubble I just created.

With that, I removed his arm and said, "We'll see." I then walked away, back to my good ol' friends.

He has outgrown me. People were right when they said he was only my friend during the good times, but I didn't want to believe it back then. He was, after all, who I thought was my best guy friend. But now, I'm finally seeing it clearly for myself.

It's very sad to see a falling out, but I learned that it was even harder to be the one who had to go through it. It's like telling a person, "You're going to be fine." after he suffered a tragic loss. You blurt it out mechanically in an attempt to comfort him. But if you were in his place, those words would disappear into thin air in a second, while you would seriously doubt if you were ever going to be fine again.

I have learned my lesson after seeing him for who he really, truly is. It's just sad in that upcoming "good time" we always used to enjoy together, I won't be standing there beside him.

Rebuffed

2005-01-22T13:34:00.000+08:00

Rebuffed

In my family, I am the mediator. I serve as the request hotline, guidance counselor, tie-breaker and most of the times, peacemaker. However, when it is my turn to ask for help or reassurance, I can't seem to find anyone who could do the job.

I would then just brush it off, show them that I'm alright and then, head straight to the bathroom to shed a few tears.

Just a few days ago, something about school finally made me happy. A poem I wrote, Citrus Tears was picked among five other model poems in our class to be anonymously "studied."

My classmates said the poem carried vivid imagery and was quite a paradox in itself, which is what gave it an edge. I didn't expect that it had such a powerful and emotional core, as one of my classmates pointed out. And I didn't think that it brought so much memories into it. On the whole, I was pleasantly surprised.

After my teacher revealed the author of the poem at the end of the class, I received a round of applause. I never was and never will be the type to excel in Math or in Science, which is why that really made me feel good about myself. It made me feel that I could be great at something.

But that was the end of it.

That night, I half-bragged, half-told my family about it and my mom, in her usual attempt to annoy me, replied, "Yun lang? (That's it?)" and stuck her nose in the air. I know that she was not at all serious when she said it, but I know that deep inside her, she meant what she said.

Dinner suddenly felt cold and tasteless inside my mouth.

I'm just so sad and disappointed because I was really expecting much, much more than that.

PS: If clicking on the link of the poem doesn't work, it's because Diaryland is moving servers. You can check it out another day though.

Hunting Prince Charming

2005-01-17T21:23:00.000+08:00

Hunting Prince Charming

I grew up reading fairytales and watching Disney movies where Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty all had each of their own handsome Prince Charming who came at the time when the princesses needed help the most. He comes in riding his stallion, rescues them, takes them to his kingdom and then, they live happily ever-after. As a little girl, I truly believed that growing up, I would meet my Prince Charming just in time for him to rescue me from my troubles and whisk me off to my own happy ending.

But as a child who played pretend each and every day, I admit I was quite neurotic and delusional. I wanted my own castle, about a hundred servants, a fairy godmother and even, waist-long blonde hair despite my Chinese roots. (Who wouldn't be when you're bombarded with these wistful fantasies that are made out to be true?)

Reading "The Curse of the TFM," I was reminded of the growing number of females who find their selves sorely disappointed with men. Some men just lack the initiative, some are overly aggressive and others have eliminated the words "chivalry" and "gentleman" from their vocabulary.

It appears that as time progresses, the descendants of Prince Charming decreases, leaving damsels in distress wanting to just stay locked up in their towers for a hundred more years rather than go out with these trolls and ogres. In the place of Prince Charming, we have the displeasure of meeting Prince Obnoxious, Prince Narcissus-wannabe, or to unfortunate others, Prince Torpe.

Prince Charming, it seems, is nowhere to be found.

Is asking for someone who would take care of you and treat you like royalty once in a while too much to ask? Doesn't every girl want to feel loved and special? Don't we deserve even an ounce of Prince Charming in the men we meet?

Is it because most of these men who have genetic leftovers from Prince Charming are either taken or gay? I've heard it time and time again how girls find this one man who matches all the qualities they look for in a guy, but then, they discover he's married, engaged or, worse, just not interested in women. Imagine how you find someone who could actually understand all your pains and needs, then you find out he's into the same guy as you are. Another potential prince off the list.

There is a dramatic increase in closet revelations with the onset of the accept-who-you-are generation, producing more men-loving-men than men-who-could-possibly-be-Prince-Charming. What's worse, these men-loving-men who are great chika buddies and fashion advisers, actually add fierce competition as they also hunt for the elusive Prince.

So where does that leave us? With the Filipino female demographics higher than the Filipino male, what is the chance that we still get to find "the one?"

It seems like a hopeless case, a search that would most likely end up in vain. But why is it that we continue to meet other Princes, have our hearts broken (to some, get more than their hearts broken), cry for sleepless nights, indulge in fattening chocolate ice cream, pick up pieces of our hearts, tape it back together again and then, go out with another potential Prince?

Maybe it's because when we get hurt so bad that we would swear we would never date again, we are reminded of that picturesque portrait of ourselves in the arms of our prince riding into the sunset. Deep inside, the little girl still lives in all of us.

Even though we wouldn't admit it in broad daylight, we still believe that our Prince Charming is out there somewhere, looking for us, and that one day, when it seems like all hope is gone, he would come striding in his white stallion, scoop us in his arms and we would finally have our own happily-ever-after.

The Infamous La-Ba-Ga

2005-01-12T23:30:00.000+08:00

The Infamous La-Ba-Ga

He has been our neighbor for as long as I can remember. Our house sits on a corner and he lives about three houses away from us (Thank God). He used to be a whole lot fatter, but unfortunately, almost two decades after, his horrid and very offensive attitude remains the same.

My memories of him were all either seeing him holding and chugging down a bottle of beer, sitting on a abench, shirtless with his huge paunch hanging out, in the middle of the day, or shouting expletives at someone across the street. He's a lasenggo (drunkard), a batugan (bum) and a siga (bully) in our neighborhood.

Let's call him Labaga.

Labaga always had issues with our family. We're not all that rich, but I can say that we are well-to-do enough to buy all our needs and plenty of our wants too. He thinks that it's unfair that we have more than what he has. But really, he doesn't deserve even what little he has, because his wife is the only one who works to make ends meet.

Many years ago, he came to our home, banging his bare fists against our gates. He said that his teenage son has been bitten by our dog. We of course didn't believe it. First of all, our dog hardly ever gets to go out and has never been violent or even, threatening to anyone. Our dog doesn't even chase away rats or cats, and is deathly afraid of lightning.

But NO.

Labaga simply refused to leave our gate, demanding that we come out, bring his son to the hospital and pay at least five thousand bucks (which was rather big, say twelve years ago) for all the shots. We paid for it all, even though we're positively sure that his son got bitten by one of the stray dogs that litter the back streets of their home.

Another unforgettable incident would be the time that his grandson was about to have his baptism. As someone who loves having money but not working for it, it was in his nature to pick people who could afford to give away nice presents. Unfortunately, my mom was on his A-list. He pressured her to be a ninang (godmother) to his grandson, but we all knew he only wanted to make sure that his grandson got presents during his birthday and aguinaldo (cash bonus) during Christmas.

My mom didn't want to accept the responsibility, since she didn't really know the parents of the boy and she sure didn't like Labaga one bit. So she hid from him everytime he came to our house. But still, she was not able to escape from his greedy clutches.

One early Sunday morning as I was preparing to church, I was surprised by to see that Labaga was waiting right outside our gate, puffing a cigarette. I guess he knew full well about our Sunday routine. My mom who was a pianist at our church that morning couldn't afford to be late, so to get rid of him, she had no choice but to say yes.

From then on, he comes by our house every Christmas, flashes that yellow, tartar-ed smile, and licks his chops, anxiously waiting for the freebies that he's going to receive. But he would never just get a toy or some school supplies for his grandson. We always have to give him something too.

There are still a lot of events in my life that has been peppered by bits of his outrageous behavior. I still have memories and locked-up feelings of wanting to slap and possibly mangle Labaga.

I would love to tell you ALL about how he has always been quite a large pain in the ass, like an annoying piece of meat stuck right between your teeth where you can't get it even though you try and try again, but this entry would be far too long by the time I finish all my rantings.

It's just that I saw him again today. Still sitting on that same, ratty, wooden bench, still without a shirt and still having a basketball for a belly. But he's far thinner now. I heard that Labaga's got the big C.

But I don't feel sorry for him. Instead, I feel sorry for his family, because now he would be a heavier burden to carry.

Moving for the New Year

2005-01-09T19:18:00.000+08:00

PANSIT, anyone?

Hummin': Drama effects.

Just as the new year arrived, I found myself faced with changes that I had to undergo in order to grow. Just as I finally (Mom in the background screams: FINALLY!) decided to do something about my unwanted "curves," something important happened to me as well.

I visited Ala's blog and saw that the hostess, Ate Sienna was actually accepting 5 new borders in her server. I became very interested and thus, submitted an application with the smallest expectations of acceptance.

Lo and behold, some few days later, I received an email welcoming me to the Pansitan community! I got in! Yeheeeey!!! Ain't this great?

Ah well, on the downside, I will terribly miss this place that I now can announce just like I do my own name. (ablosh-dat-blag-spat-dat-kom!) But I'm only moving URLs and nothing else.

So please, still visit me here:

HTTP://ABLOSH.PANSITAN.NET

And for those who have me on their links, kindly change them for me too. Thank you.

New year, New start

2005-01-06T21:29:00.000+08:00

New year, New resolution

Hummin': Lovely Mausoleum by Big Tent Revival

I have to admit, I have NEVER made a New Year's Resolution and fulfilled it. Nope, seriously, of the hundred resolutions I've made, I can't remember actually doing a single one for a whole year.

So I stopped making them. If my memory serves me right, the last resolution I made was three years ago when I said that I would go on a diet and try to lose weight.

That OBVIOUSLY did not push through--AT ALL.

This year, I decided to try it out again. I've got nothing to lose.

I will be forcing myself to work out and try to shed a few pounds. (If God's willing, A LOT OF POUNDS!) I will really push myself to maintain my gym routine and get back my (parents') money's worth. I choose to have a healthier lifestyle not just for the physical appearance makeover (that I'm hoping for), but more so for my health.

And why am I writing this here?

I made it public for the sole purpose of REINFORCEMENT.

On the positive side, people can help me by encouraging me to go on and giving me support. On the negative side, if ever I lose my motivation to keep this lifestyle, I will surely be embarassed whenever I see people who I personally know and who also read my blog. Hopefully, that'll get me back up the treadmill and running! So, it works for me in both ways. Hehehe!

Here's to a thinner new year! Cheers!

Paskong C.O.D.

2004-12-22T02:37:00.000+08:00

Paskong C.O.D.

Hummin': Chestnuts roasting...

Iba na ang simoy ng hangin. Lumalamig ang panahon na tila inihahanda ang bawat isa para sa narararapit na pagsapit ng Pasko.

Animo'y tubig sa linaw ang aking mga alaala ng mga nakaraang Pasko. Hindi lahat ay naging masaya. Hindi lahat nais kong maalala pa. Subalit, sa labing-siyam na Paskong aking nasaksihan, marami-rami rin ang hindi ko maaring kalimutan. Isa na rito ang alaala ng mga gabi sa harap ng C.O.D.

Kilalang-kilala itong maliit na mall na ito noong 90's dahil sa palabas nitong talaga nga namang dinarayo ng mga tao. Ipinapalabas kasi ang kwento ng pagdating ni Hesu Kristo sa mundo sa pamamagitan ng gumagalaw na mga mannequins.

Kakaiba.

Awtomatik.

Nakakaaliw.

Sisimulan ito sa pagpapakita ng malayong paglalakbay nila Jose at Maria papuntang Betlehem, kung saan isisilang si Hesus sa isang sabsaban. Naroroon ang mga tagapangalaga ng tupa, ang tatlong hari, mga anghel atbp. Kumpleto ang mga tauhan at may sound effects pa!

At, oo nga pala, LIBRE 'to!

Pagkatapos mapanood ang maiksing palabas habang buhat-buhat ng aking ama, bibili kami ng bagong luto na puto bumbong at bibingka. Mabango at umuusok-usok pa. Aagawin ng ate ko ang puto bumbong, akin naman ang bibingka. Aawatin pa kami ng ina ko dahil baka nga naman sa sobrang katakawan ay hindi kami matunawan.

Masarap. Walang kasing sarap ang mga pagkaing iyon.

Itong taong ito, wala nang C.O.D. na magdadala ng galak at tuwa tulad noong ako'y bata pa. Subalit masaya ako at nariyan pa ang aking pamilya at mga kaibigan kung saan nabubuhay ang mga alaala, at mga gagawin pang alaala ng mga Paskong hinaharap.

Sana ngayong Pasko, huwag nating limutin ang mga biyayang ating natanggap at huwag kaligtaang magpasalamat para sa taong nagdaan.

Maligayang Pasko sa inyong lahat!

Wisdom-induced Pain

2004-12-16T19:04:00.000+08:00

Wisdom-induced Pain

Hummin': When God Ran by Craig, Philips & Dean

I woke up last Monday on the wrong side of the bed. My left cheek was hurting and my jaw clicked everytime I opened and closed my mouth. I thought I might've slept in a wrong position the previous night.

I shrugged it off as "stiff-jaw," if there is such a thing.

The next day I was a little bit worried because the pain wasn't going away. In fact, it was hurting even more and spreading up to my lower jawline and the inner part of my left ear. I ate a tablet of Ponstan to suppress the pain.

Wednesday came and I woke up only to find that I couldn't open my mouth properly without excruciating pain shooting from my nerves. I had a hard time eating (uuyy, diet) because I couldn't quite place the spoon inside my mouth. Brushing was another torture altogether.

Imagine my frustration.

But the climax of that day was when I forgot about my predicament and yawned widely in one of my classes. OH GOD, the pain... I almost made a scene by suddenly crying.

At first, I thought I might have a nerve problem--or something serious. (Yes, I am paranoid.) I consulted everyone, pointing to where the pain was rooting from. Then, my friend, Sheryl, suggested that the pain might be coming from the "birth" of my Wisdom Tooth. She had apparently suffered from the same symptoms.

I heaved a sigh of relief, thinking that everything's going to be okay.

And then, she added, "Mine had to be pulled out. Dental surgery."

(Remember my aversion to needles?) I wanted to faint right then and there.

Why oh why is WISDOM so hard to come by?

And in the rare times that it does come knocking at our doors, why do we usually have to undergo a lot of pain in order to obtain it?

* * *

New poem -- The World Never Sleeps.

Laughter = Tears?

2004-12-10T18:07:00.000+08:00

Laughter = Tears?

Hummin': Lunes by Sponge Cola

I've noticed that when you're in your happiest, you cry. And on the contrary, you laugh when you're in your saddest state.

When a contestant wins in a beauty pageant, a valedictorian graduates on top of her class, a woman finally receives a proposal of marriage, why is it that each of them cries? Isn't it strange that when we experience an insurmountable surge of joy, we cry?

And yet, don't you find it strange that when we feel anguish, embarassment or disappointment, sometimes, we try to laugh it away? We tell a joke or make a joke out of the situation, even though our hearts are breaking as we do so?

Baliktad (opposites), diba?

Is it a way of coping with the unexpected arrival of emotions, or does it come naturally that when we reach the extremes, being mere humans, we just go ballistic?

I don't know the answer to all these questions. I'm equally begoggled myself.

It's just that I laughed on the day I got slapped and called, "worthless."

I laughed until tears ran out of my eyes.

Boys and Carrots

2004-12-08T18:13:00.000+08:00

Boys and Carrots

Hummin': Wherever you are by South Border

I was late. I grabbed all my things even before the taxi had completely stopped. When it did, I quickly placed one leg out, ready to rush to class. But before I could fully get out, I looked up--only to see him.

He was standing there, barely a meter from me. I blinked twice, and he was still there.

He was the one that I used to look forward to seeing and yet, each time I do, I incomprehensibly wanted to shrivel, melt with shyness and disappear in front of him. I wished I could talk to him, but when the rare opportunity came by, I wasn't even able to complete a sentence.

I was hooked like a horse chasing after a carrot dangled on a string in front of me that I just couldn't reach. Deep down I knew it was a futile chase, and yet, I still kept on running.

It's been a while since I last saw him. But the moment came as a surprise. It was too late too look away and pretend I didn't see him. So I did the only thing I could. I looked at him, saw him recognize me and then I walked away with my head high.

I felt so much better that day knowing that I've gained my dignity back. For that little accomplishment, I was so proud of myself.

On hindsight, I realized maybe it's because I never really liked carrots anyway.

Denial Ditch

2004-12-05T13:01:00.000+08:00

Denial Ditch

Hummin': If The Feeling Is Gone by Kyla

I have always been one who couldn't quite handle the pressure. Breaking down and crying is not my thing, especially not the crying part. But I do crumble and crawl back into my shell whenever things just seem too chaotic.

I know that about me--and yet, I've never quite tagged myself as such.

I have always used denial to go through my problems. I treat them as though they don't exist, as though everyday's just fine. I have lost a number of battles because I hid and allowed my foes to overwhelm me.

Denial is a dead end. I learned the hard way.

Two weeks, just two weeks before the summer vacation of 2002, I finalized a decision, a choice that I regret until this very day.

That last semester of my senior year in highschool, I was involved with tons of activities. I was an officer of our Teen's Fellowship, one of the staff in our Youth Leader's Conference, lead actress in one of the 3 short plays our school was presenting, cramming for all those university entrance examinations and editor-in-chief of our highschool publication, Nouvelles.

At that point in time, the pressure was piling up like the mountain of garbage in Payatas, looming and threatening to fall. I didn't know where to run. Articles were late, and the ones submitted on time were somewhere lost in space. I was tracking down from which editor hand did each paper passed through and to which it was misplaced. But no one would admit to the mistake. Everyone started pointing fingers.

I was stuck in the middle of it all.

Our newspaper adviser, who I would be thankful for all my life for all the opportunities he had opened doors for me, had our administration chewing him off about the pending release of our newspaper, and in turn he was asking me for it. But I couldn't give him anything, because I myself didn't know where it went.

I tried to run, but I was backed into a wall. I did the only thing I could think of at that time. I whipped out my white flag and surrendered.

I have been severely traumatized by that event, even though no one witnessed to the tears I had shed. I have always doubted my abilities ever since then. I no longer accepted any position for any publications ever again, not in church, not even in our university org.

The possibility of failure was just too big a risk to take.

That summer, I denied everything that happened and went on to my happy-go-lucky life. It was wrong to turn your back on problems, but I was too tired and humiliated to even think about dealing with it. I moved on, entering a new phase of my life--college.

But in truth, I had never moved on from that pit I dug myself into.

When I received my copy of that final newspaper-slash-magazine we did in time for the school's 35th anniversary ending two years ago, I felt my heart crack into hundreds of pieces...

...when I saw that my name was no longer in there.

Here I go again...

2004-11-29T15:13:00.000+08:00

Here I go again...

Hummin': La-dee-dee-da-dum...

Warning: Long post...but it's rather interesting.

I had promised myself that I wouldn't watch soap operas ever again. I know, it sounds like a hasty decision, but read on and you will understand.

I was never the type to watch telenovelas and enjoy the similar, out-of-reality plots. But the first time that I tried watching a telenovela, I found myself a devoted follower, waiting like a hungry, salivating mutt for episode after episode (albeit in VCDs before the fever hit this country). I fell for the whole package (the story, the characters and all their paraphernalia) head over heels in loopy, psychopathic, fan-crazed love.

So after recovering from that "disorder", (it took me quite a while) I stayed away from any kind of novelas, whether they may be Spanish, Filipino, Chinese or Korean. I made sure that any kind of that mushy hodgepodge do not even come close to entering my system again. I just didn't want anything to do with it.

Then came the latest Korean-novela, Lovers in Paris.

No, I did not watch it on ABS-CBN, even when all my family members (except my bro) and friends religiously fawned over it every weeknight. Whenever the timeslot for that soap came around, I repeatedly told myself like an old woman gibbering a spiritual mantra, "It is better safe than sorry."

No one could have changed my mind.

...Or so I thought.

Lovers In Paris: The Collapse of my Resolution

I was strong, steadfast, determined. But the same culprit, who had me watching my first ever Chinovela, had me once again. Yesterday, my determination officially crumbled to pieces.

She excitedly proclaimed, "I have Lovers in Paris in VCD!!!"

And I replied without a hint of interest, "Uh-huh" and continued eating my lunch.

"Let's watch!" came the excited, high-pitch shrill of her voice.

"Uhm, NO."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to be hooked again...make that, EVER again." I meant it too.

"Arte mo ha..." Rebuffed but persistent, she tried again. "Come on, just try one episode."

"That's what I did the last time! I tried one and I ended up watching seasons 1 & 2, their other individual soaps, bought all their albums, spent thousands on concerts, squeezed myself in a press conference just to snap a few shots of him, transformed into a giddy fan who melted at pictures of them and became a moderator for a fansite!"

She got my point. "Ehhh..." was all she reasoned.

I thought I had won, but then I felt myself being dragged to the sofa.

It was deja vu. I still have that memory of her pulling me to the living room, making watch with her and translate what little Mandarin Chinese I could understand. "Sit and watch," she ordered.

I stood up. "Oh no...no, no, NO." I said it as firmly as I could.

"Sama mo..." She said, hurt was evident in her voice. "I always watch alone. Where's the fun in that if you don't have another person crying or laughing or gushing with you?" She sighed dejectedly.

"Hay nako...'wag mo akong dramahan." I wanted her to know I wasn't changing my mind, but my voice just didn't sound convincing enough.

"I've only watched a few of these episodes on TV, but I know it's really good. You'll like it, promise." When she's in this mood, it's hard to get her off your back.

"That's what I'm fearing," I confessed. One of her eyebrows raised up quizzically. "I'm afraid that I might like it TOO MUCH."

"Please? Please? Please? I don't want to watch alone..." She begged, her voice dropping to its knees and her eyes going all puppy-ish. "Please?"

The fourth one got me. I heaved out a sigh, sat my big tushie on the couch and motioned for her to start the DVD player.

We slept at 3:30 AM. I have paunchy eyebags and a sore throat.

Need I say more?

PS: My only consolation is that the story's engaging, but the guys aren't my type at all. At least I know I wouldn't be digging through sites for pictures of them anytime soon. LOL!

PPS: My sister's selling VCDs of Lovers In Paris. Anyone interested? Leave a tag. Hehe!