Disappointed.

Disappointed.




Have you ever experienced grave disappointments from having to chase after a very enticing piece of bait for miles and miles, but then when you finally touch it with your fingers, you find out that it's nothing but an inedible, rubber chew toy?

I've been through a lot of disappointments in my short 19-going-20 years of existence. Those were times where I either grew weaker, allowing doubts and insecurities to infiltrate my system; or stronger, walking away with greater wisdom from experiences.

Despite claiming to be a practical 'realist,' I secretly am still a dreamer. I still expect, hope and dream, even if there's only the teeniest, slightest bit of a chance. Hence, I often fall flat on my face, getting nothing but muck in my mouth and salty tears in my eyes.

But inspite of the number of times I had been caught like a panic-stricken deer in front of headlights and had gotten hit right on the face, I still can't seem to get used to the pain and humiliation of my downfall. I never see it coming.

I never seem to learn.

I'm so exhausted from thinking about things that may never happen. I'm so sick of continuously chasing after hopes and dreams that may never materialize into reality. I'm just so damn tired of all this.

I just wish I could be as tough as I appear to be.