A Milkmaid of Life

A Milkmaid of Life


It has been said that as we are born, the moment a breath of air passes through our lungs for the first time, death already begins to wait for us. Every moment we spend living; there is always the threat of death around the corner. Imagine it as a somber clown, lurking in every happy birthday, wickedly rejoicing because the celebrant is a year older and therefore, closer to death.

After undergoing several Theology and Philosophy classes, I now truly understand that our world is one made up of beginnings and endings. Nothing is permanent, they say. Just like having a scoop of ice cream in a cup while walking in the park, you realize that no matter how much you shield it from the sun, it still melts.

Might as well lick-lick-lick and enjoy it than have sticky goo in between your fingers, right?

When I was younger, I always wondered why characters in movies would talk about being scared of dying, whether they be young or old. I have always had this strange sense of solace when it comes to the thought of "resting in peace" as though I find it a better position than living in this world. Perhaps, attributing partly to my easygoing nature, I have chosen not to worry or fret too much about things that which I have no control of. I find that worrying about those things is a waste of time, since no complaints or tears will affect the outcome.

Essentially, I just want to live my life the best I can, come what may. I try to make the most of what little I have—may it be resources or time. Just like a diligent milkmaid, I wake up every morning and receive whatever it is that the cow (Life) has to offer, taking each day at a time.

I have learned to accept that death is inevitable, and perceive it as peaceful rather than frightening state. This is why I live by the principle of following one's passion, no matter how absurd or far-fetched it may be to other people, because I believe that only through this can true fulfillment be met. If I be (knock on wood thrice) struck down by lightning tomorrow morning, may I be found crispy, golden-brown and smiling on the floor. As imperfect humans, there is really nothing more we can give than our very best--and that is exactly what I intend to do.

I may not be "the chosen one" to finally eliminate poverty or discover a cure for AIDS. The odds are, I won't even be a mover or a shaker of our society. But despite not creating a huge mark in history, I know that I have a purpose, a mission in this lifetime, and no matter how little or insignificant it may be to the rest of the world, I will die happy knowing I have fulfilled that role in every way I can.

Baking for the Holidays

Baking for the Holidays


Mini Black Forest Cakes


Banana Nut Muffins


Christmas Tree Cookies


Mini Chocolate Cake


The Mini Chocolate Cake is what's under the Dome-shaped Containers

What do YOU do?

What do YOU do?


What do you do when you are called by two passions?

Follow both and find means to let them cooperate would be the vast majority's advice.

But what if one and the other do not get along at the same time (at least not for the time being)? And you don't have a lot of time on your hands to devote on each of them separately? The bigger question is, what if, one of them, is suppressing the other such that your daily tasks revolve around it and leaves the other one gathering dust in the corner?

You have split pathways that are beckoning, both of which hold promises of happiness for you. You are torn, standing at that crossroad. But the time has come, and your crucial, possibly life-changing decision must be made immediately.

What do you do?

My New Passion

My New Passion


What's been keeping me away from my regular blog updates? Well, let's just say that writing's got a new rival in my life. It's now sharing the top place with a new passion of mine that's been eating up almost all my free time.

Here are pictures to share and drool at.

My New York Cheesecake


Christmas Sugar Cookies (Need more practice with frosting)


Homemade Dark Chocolate Truffles


Pandan Cake


Lemon Muffins


Chocolate Banana Bread


Ube Cake


Assorted Brownies


Chocolate Caramel Cake



Gotta go and make bread for the first time! LOL! I'll post a picture if the process is successful. Wish me luck!

The "Poet" Writes!

The "Poet" Writes


Hummin': Beautiful Soul by Someone Mcartney

I was walking down the stairs from my Practicum class, psychologically-stressed from all the reminders of things that I still have to do. For one, the requirements for our batch anthology has just grown. Next, the articles for my so-called book, "The Red Dot" are no way near done, and my deadlines are coming by the dozen. Lastly, there are still my other mentally-challenging core subjects such as Philosophy and Theology, which are under "infamous" teachers who have records of failing delinquent students.

(Not that I'm saying I am one, but sometimes I am... Hehehe.)

Then, I saw an old teacher from my Introduction to Creative Writing class last year. I smiled, and said hello.

He said, "Oh, Abi, how are you?"

"Same parin," I said with a sigh, "Rushing to keep up with Thesis deadlines..."

"Ah, so you're graduating?" He asked. I nodded with a weary smile. And he added, "So, which genre did you decide to major in?"

We all know he is a great poet, and we wrote a couple of poems in his class, so I was a little shy in saying, "Non-Fiction..." and quickly added, "Kasi the bulk of my writing's in Non-Fiction eh."

"Ah, I see...but do you still write poems?"

"Ehrm," I paused, "A little. On the side."

"That's good, that's good. Maintain, ha?" He softly encouraged and said, "Kasi you've got some talent on it, so continue..." He trailed with a fatherly smile.

My head went blank and then, it sank in, and with the biggest smile that day, I said, "Okay."

Ahhh, I am so flattered and fluttered right now. Tee-hee-hee!!!

Victorious...at last!

Victorious...at last!

Hummin': Faith Like A Child by Jars of Clay

Actually, I've been home for two weeks now. But I've had a lot of things to do, projects to finish, essays to think about (but couldn't put to decent words) and errands to run. Thus, this uber delayed post.

The weekend was fun-filled, though a bit stressful too right from the beginning as our Cebu Pacific flight was delayed for five hours. Then, we arrived to a wet IloIlo thorougly exhausted from the trip and the previous almost-sleepless night that was spent packing our things.

However, the four-day stay was great! I had my ONLY wish granted, which was to eat again at this seaside buffet called Villa Regatta. To my dismay, this year's crabs were much smaller that what I remember, but still I enjoyed the variety of fatty dishes I chose from that Sunday.

The reunion was also a great time to catch up with cousins who I haven't seen for a long time; some for a year, others two, and one for nine long years. I was still that "boyish girl" when we were last together, and now, there are talks (all of which are just jokes of course) of marriage and inclusion in the entourage.

Happily I found out that next year there would be four of us graduating at the same time this coming March. One cousin from Bacolod, another from Cebu and my sister and I from Manila. We hope to celebrate in Boracay by then, like a reminiscent vacation of the one we had almost a decade ago.

If it pushes through, well and good. If not, well I just hope that the next time we see each other will not be for another nine years! ;)

PS: And the title is actually derived from the fact that I have gotten into the Dean's List for last semester's work!!! Whoop whoop! 3.5 QPI, not bad noh?

Pre-IloIlo

Pre-IloIlo

Hummin': I'm leaving on an AIRplane...

My family and I'll be leaving for Ilo-Ilo on Saturday. The house looks like we've been visited by Hurricane Katrina, having shirts, pants and shoes everywhere. Picking the best ones to bring to the family reunion and bringing along a few other items to wear at night.

Aside from the responsibilities of packing for the disorderly men in our family, my proud Dad requires me to bring along about twenty or so boxes of brownies to give away to friends and relatives. Ah well, doing that just about filled up our kitchen, dining room and refrigerator with so much sweets that hardly anything else would fit.

The baking frenzy has just begun, our helper said with a tired sigh. In fact, because of all the tasting (ehem, ehem) that I have to do with each batch, I'm afraid that I might gain some pounds even before Saturday! HORRORS.

I don't even have that free time to go to the gym. I'm that busy.

Wonder why I'm taking the time out to blog when I should be taking a much-needed bath.

Hmmmm...

Poor Little Girl

Poor Little Girl



Hummin': Win by Brian Mcknight

Like a little child, she meekly said she was afraid to look under her pants for fear of seeing too big of a wound on her knee. Hearing the quiver in her voice, I was concerned and asked her what happened.

And she says, "Nadapa ako, on the same spot kung saan nadapa ako ng malakas before."

I nod my head, remembering that time where being focused on her 10-peso Mcdo sundae almost got her ran over by a huge truck after tripping on a crack in the pavement. But she corrects me by saying, "The one where I stepped out the elevator, tripped and fell on the marble tiles...sa school ni Achie."

I winced at the sudden memory. Ouch.

"What happened?" I squeezed for details. "Lagi ka nalang nadadapa ah!" I said with a chuckle at how clumsy she gets.

"Ikaw ba naman tae-han ng ibon, hindi ka ba madi-distract?!" she rhetorically asked. I guffawed, imagining the ridiculous scene as I had witnessed in previous "tripping accidents" where her lack of concentration almost killed an innocent potted-plant in the mall unfortunately placed on her path.

She pretended to be offended, and then laughed along, continuing her story. "Eh kasi naglalakad ako ng mabilis, tapos biglang may warm na nahulog sa kamay ko! On impulse, inamoy ko, nadistract ako and then, nadapa!"

WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I just couldn't help myself, but laugh uncontrollably at my mom, who with her petite height, chubby frame and short, copper-tinted hair, probably looked both pitiful and hilarious!

Baho ba?

Peace! Hahahahahaha!!!

** To cap this entry, let me just say that I AM FREE for almost a whole month of semester break!!! Yip yip yeheeey!!!

Prayer for Finals

Prayer for Finals




The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not flunk
He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying
He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break
He restores my faith in study guides
He leads me to better study habits
For my grades' sake

Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades
I will not have a nervous breakdown
For thou art with me
My prayers and my friends, they comfort me
Thou givest me the answer in moments of blankness
Thou anointest my head with understanding
My test paper runneth over with questions I recognise

Surely passing grades and flying colours shall follow me
All the days of my examinations
And I shall not have to dwell in this exam hall forever.

A-M-E-N.

Falling Over

Falling Over


Hummin': Strawberry Fields Forever by The Beatles

I realized that it takes so little to actually break me down.

Perhaps, it's because I never show any fractures or signs of breaking until I reach that very edge where I know that one little piece of sand would make all the difference. And if that one sand is added on my shoulders, I just tip over and fall--

Down...

Hard.

And I get knocked out....

Out of myself.

Only then, I see things from an outside perspective, and I study what happened and how I got to that point.

Sadly, that's when I start pointing fingers.

(A word of advice: Duck.)

Round and Proud

Round and Proud




Yes, I am round and proud, beybeh!

How do you define BEAUTY?

Listen to what they've got to say.

I Love Dove now!

And YOU, what do you think of beauty? Tell me.

The Monster Returns

The Monster Returns




Just when you thought you have stopped and banished that monster that's been chasing you your whole life and feeding off from your weakness and vulnerability, rescued your long-lost mother from it's pit and would finally see the beauty of the sunset...

You find out that monster wasn't the only one in existence.

In fact, you find out that their kind have the power to plant themselves inside you, hiding, growing and waiting under one's skin until it is strong and ready to destroy.

And you regret that discovery so much because now you have to go through blood, tears and scars again just to save another person from the monster's pit.

If I Were Gloria

If I Were Gloria



Hummin': You Had Me From Hello by Kenny Chesney

(I was forced to write a non-fiction essay during class that began with "If I Were President..." which explains the sudden political turn of my writing. However, as you read below, this is not what you probably expect of a political essay.)

If I were current president of this country, I'd have my big mole surgically-removed and say that I didn't copy singer Enrique Iglesia's career move, but rather that I thought blemishes, like the dirt on the image of the Philippines, should be removed off the face of the world.

If I were current president of this country, I'd have my legs broken, reconnected with metal bridges do intensive therapy for six months and say that I didn't do it to reach five feet, but rather that like the country, I sincerely know how it feels to be belittled by bigger nations.

If I were current president of this country, I'd have my head shaved and empathetically claim that this baldness shows the loss of the nation's glory, the abduction of the little that is left of our country's pride.

If I were current president of this country, I'd hire a private voice teacher, get rid of the nasal intonation of my voice, and say that this change is a representation of the need for a change in our country's voice as we speak to the rest of the world.

If I were current president of this country, I'd force my husband to go on a strict South Beach diet with me to lose some of his bulk and say to the Filipino people that the first couple also experiences daily pangs of hunger.

If I were current president of this country, I'd finance even more of my son's baduy movies where he always plays the hero, just like the numerous Erap movies that made him famous, and say to the masses that we are on with them, erecting the image of a contemporary hero that is my movie star son.

If I were current president of this country, I'd produce a novelty song out of the "Hello Garci" tapes, overexpose it by playing it in the radio and television stations over and over again, making the situation funny, absurd, sickening, unrealistic and therefore a mere passing trend.

But if you were to ask me honestly, I wouldn't want to be our country's president. Being the president is a 24-hour, 7-days-a-week job that would probably drive me crazy, especially with the rampant corruption in every level of the political hierarchy. Having all those problems on my shoulders would probably kill me before even my first day on the job ends.

On that note, if I were current president of this country, after losing face not just for myself and my family, but also for the Philippines, I'd probably disappear with my husband, move to a private island that I could buy with all my hubby's Jueteng money and spend the rest of my days sipping margheritas on the beach.

Taurus the Glutton

Taurus the Glutton

Hummin': Bad Day by Danny Powter

I sat in the taxi comfortably this afternoon. After all, I left home two hours early for my class, and that meant a relaxing, leisure time. But I couldn't quite hear my thoughts because the radio speakers were turned on and the DJ loudly announced song after song, and cracked one joke after another.

Then she says, it's time to read out the daily horoscope. Personally, I never really believed horoscopes, but I thought listening to what was supposed to happen would be fun. I listened carefully as she read out the day's predictions for Aquarius, Pisces, Aries and then Taurus. That's me, I thought.

And she goes, "Kahit na nag-e-ehersisyo ka, huwag kang kakain ng sobra-sobra. Sayang ang iyong pagpapapayat kung wala ka namang disiplina."

Kung-pooow!!! That hit me right in the middle of my bilbilizers!

And that happened half an hour after I consumed four cheese pandesals on top of my regular lunch. Talk about coincidence...or maybe Someone really wanted me to stop eating!

Lay off for a while! I've already lost 50-something pounds! What more do you ask!?

Thrillseeker

Thrillseeker


Hummin': Bad Day by Danny Powter

Days have been passing me by as though they are mere seconds. One boring 24-hour routine after another--each one slipping by without much notice.

I've been and still am bored. This is probably the reason why I haven't been blogging about interesting stuff as much, credit that to the nothing-bloggable that's filled or emptied my life.

I am in such a mediocre state right now that I find being in a sort of balance doesn't quite fit me in the long run. I am going from sleep to eating to baking, squeeze in a little studying, to eating and sleeping again. It's all like clockwork, and I am very dissatisfied.

People like me need drama too! And not the drama leftovers or hangovers I get from other people's lives, but thrills from my own! And not just the mother-daughter spat reruns I've had so many times before, but real excitement, the kind that is generated by the happenings in my own life!!!

Ah, see how there is a build-up of volume in my writing voice? I am in NEED, desperately so.

Give me a high. Even just a shot.

Daughter-hood

Daughter-hood


Hummin': Something Beautiful by Robbie Williams

What do you call that "Damned if you do, damned if you don't?"

Oh right, being the daughter of my mom.

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

You've probably heard how mere words can destroy and break a person down. Well, I've gone through it a thousand times.

Although it helps that I can zone out on impulse, and have an easy, re-inflatable ego.

Foodstuff and Other Bits

Foodstuff and Other Bits

Hummin': The Happy Tune

I'm stressed out. Aside from having to sleep very late last night, actually morning, I had a lot of papers to edit for workshops. And then there were the usual readings that weren't really that heavy, except that when topped onto the already bulky work to do, it adds a lot of pressure.

Good news is we're already earning money from Foodstuff, the baked goods that we sell twice a week. Plus, we're going to start doing other gimmicks ang gigs just so we can raise enough funds for the Fine Arts Festival 2006! Whoohoo!

I realize just lately how snobbish I have been to acquaintances that I don't know very well. I don't always greet them NOT because I was feeling smug, but rather because I felt SHY, and after hesitating whether to say hi or not, the moment passes by and people look away. Snob na tuloy labas ko.

Well, I'm just glad that I have a bunch of college friends who are ready to support me. I'm just thankful and very appreciative of them, both the old and the new. I LOVE YOU ALL! *flying kisses everywhere*

PS: If you are studying in Ateneo, please buy or order through me: 0917-8995241. It's really for a good cause.

Tackling The Thesis

Tackling The Thesis

Hummin': Naughty Girl by Beyonce


I've been quite busy these past weeks. Aside from the usual load of schoolwork that I often cram, I had a lot of other things to do. One, we are fundraising for our thesis projects through selling baked goods, that includes cookies, brownies and cakes.

(And yes, if you're in or near the Ateneo, please contact me 0917-8995241 and BUY! Hahaha!)

Also, I've met with my adviser, the beautiful, nice and smart, Karla Delgado. We're going to try and concretize what topics I should probably include in my book. You read it right, I'm going to try and publish my non-fiction essays in a book!

The topics would probably range under the oddities of Filipino-Chinese and other interesting stuff. The style would be a light narrative with a bit of humor infused, similar to the tone of writing I do here in my blog. It will be entitled, The Red Dot, showing the dot that is placed on siopaos to indicate a special flavor.

Now, I really need your help.

1. BUY OUR FOODSTUFF! I promise they will be very satisfying!
2. What questions do you usually have regarding Filipino-Chinese traditions? (Anything odd or curious will do.) For example, the exclusivity of Chinese dating Chinese. Or, why most Chinese people own buy-and-sell businesses?
3. What do you think of the title, Red Dot?

Thank you in advance. (Flying kisses.)

From A Proud Sister

From A Proud Sister


Hummin': In my Daughter's Eyes by Martina Mcbride

My sister hasn't had the best life. She was an outcast during the early elementary years. She was very thin then, and quite weak physically. So many of her classmates boosted their ego by putting her down.

Damn them.

After switching schools, she thought she'd found a group she could belong to. Unfortunately, they turned out to be backstabbing bitches who abandoned her right then and there.

Damn them even more.

In highschool, she was a loner for a year or two. Sure, she had friends, but not the ones who you could just hang out with. Then again, in her third year, they had two new students who became her friends. She was happy God answered her prayer, but they didn't quite share the same wavelength, which made it hard for my already quiet sister to share stories.

Then came college. This new step was like an opportunity for a new image presenting itself to her. After all, with a new environment, perhaps she would be lucky to find good friends this time. At first, she belonged to an all-girl group of seven. But after a few weeks, some bonds became stronger than others and she became the odd one out.

After a few classes, Fate gave her a chance to be close to other people. And so she got to know other batchmates, which quickly accepted her into their big group. They hung out in different restaurants and malls, went to Tagaytay for the weekend, spent three days in Ilocos and whereelse. I even got to spend time with them for a couple of times, help out with their projects and competition.

And I silently thanked God every time she would talk about them. Because she is a compassionate and kindred soul--the one who deserves good friends the most. I was SOOO DAMN NICE to them, because I felt so grateful.

I was wrong.

Those so-called FRIENDS are actually shallow, pretentious, idiotic and unreasonable. For a mistake not my sister's fault, they all turned their back on her, abandoned her the minute they smelled trouble, leaving her vulnerable and alone.

DAMN THEM THE MOST!!!

I am one who would not tolerate a mistake just because we're related by blood. But from all the accounts I've checked and rechecked, she really was the victim, one who was seen as weaker and therefore an easier scapegoat.

I cursed her friends so much that I actually lost my voice. Unfortunately, I wasn't given the chance to say it to their face. Well, for all it's worth, I REALLY HOPE THEY FIND MISFORTUNE IN LIFE--the kind that I know they deserve.

FUCK THEM.

(And I'm not even using an asterisk.)

May they find each other squealing like pigs in hell.

I have consoled her on the several occasions she's found her alone and desperate. I have advised her to not let people come to close anymore, not after that streak of bad luck in attracting the fake kind of friends. I told her she doesn't need them because I'm here, (and will always be) to love, help and protect her.

Today, she is progressing with her dreams. Her ambitious goals are so near in sight, and with her determination and hard work, I know it will not be far from reach. What she lacked with loyal people, she gained with fortunate opportunities. And someday, when she reaches that seat of success, I hope we and her "friends" could meet again...

--Just so I can rub their SHIT it on their faces and stuff it in their gaping mouths.

Quivering Wet Puppy

Quivering Wet Puppy




I hate ME sometimes.

There are opportunities for me to speak my mind and I don't. I quiver inside like a wet puppy, insecure and afraid of what people might think. And then, when the opportunity passes by, I can't seem to keep my opinions to myself.

I feel as that in those situations, I morph into a person that I hate. The type of person who is too fussy, a busybody, but there are just times where I can't seem to keep my nose from getting into other businesses that involve myself, especially when I know I can contribute. The thing is, I am so afraid (grabe, you don't know just how) of getting myself into responsibilites. I have had a traumatic experience in highschool that really made my confidence in leading hit rock-bottom.

Let's not go into that, because I hate crying.

So please, sa mga tatamaan, ang I know some will get to read this: be gentle...and have a little understanding.

I'm being vague, I know. But it's all because I'm quivering inside again.

Should I?

Should I?



Hummin': Hallelujah by Bamboo

I'm bored too.

Though I shouldn't be. I should be writing a Philosophy paper that's due in 3 hours. I should be studying to be a lawyer, my father says. I should be a stunning beauty queen, my mother says. I should stop eating these cheese crackers, my brother says. I should quit being a know-it-all bitch, my sister says.

I should be a lot of things.

Maybe even more than what is said and thrown carelessly into the suffocating air of Manila. I smell success somewhere in that smog, but I don't know if I can snatch it and keep it in a bottle.

I should probably stop philosophizing on random-things-except-the-thesis I'm supposed to write about.

But really, I'm just bored.

...And procrastinating.

Like I said, I should be a lot of things.

I've nothin' to do

I've nothin' to do.



Hummin': How Far by Martina McBride

I have tons of stuff to do for next week, and yet here I am wasting time by surfing blogs and blogging. Hehehe! Anyways, here are the five top finds when it comes to smart*ss lines! Enjoy!

Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a better defense!

Every ten seconds, somewhere on this earth, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

You can only be young once, but you can be immature FOREVER.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

AND here's something to actually think about:

Why didn't Noah swat the last two mosquitoes?

Ooh, and has anyone seen the shampoo commercial where after the girl supposedly uses SUNSILK, the guy gets so entranced by her long, black hair that he hits his head on the glass wall on his way to her? And I also noticed him being one of the newer Bench models. Who is this dude? I am so crushing on him! *wheehee*

...And if I'm not mistaken, he is also the guy in a toothpaste ad where he blows on his b-day cake and turns the girl to ice. Who is he?

Faux Chicken Pox

Immersion Souvenirs: Faux Chicken Pox


(It's not because I'm nervous, but I feel like I have an army of ants crawling all over me.)

I've been enjoying the comforts of home for three days now. After returning from my Immersion, I now appreciate the small things that I have so much more. It's easy to just feel like the world unjust, but when you closely see how much less other people have, I tell myself, "shame on you."

Samal is a quiet and peaceful place, close to Nature and full of her abundance. I and my partner, Rae, were assigned to one of the poorest houses in the community. Nanay Tess and Tatay Alberto had five kids, where four were still living with them, namely, Tope, Buknoy, Camille and Roy. Their house were the mere size of my room and bathroom combined. Their cabinet is the size of my desk. The number of their utensils must be less than the spoons and forks I've carelessly lost in my lifetime.

They didn't have a sink, nor a bathroom (yes, I peed on the grass and didn't poo for three days! And the five girls of our Theology group, took baths together in plain sight--and no, not naked, but with our clothes on.). They also didn't have decent walls to protect them if anyone wanted to harm them. They didn't even have electricity, which made the insect-reigned night even darker and spookier.

I didn't know just what convinced them to take in two more children, even for just a weekend, because as far as I saw, we were merely extra burdens for the already impoverished family. Sure, they were farmers, and 'Tay Alberto sidelines as a fisherman and there was always good food during mealtimes. But when it comes to monetary issues, our parents had so little.

The thirty pesos we casually throw away for one Auntie Anne's pretzel was enough for the family's day allowance. The 100 bucks we squander on a Starbuck's Frappe was enough to get them through a week's gasoline expense, since the house didn't have electricity so we used gas lamps at night. And they weren't the cute lamps we were expecting, but rather they looked like the ones that were filled with gas, stuck with a long, twisted piece of cloth that people could throw at their enemies to blow them up.

Despite the family's lack of material wealth, what they have is a vast wealth of morals and tight values. While they didn't have the techie stuff that we use to entertain ourselves, they had themselves to chat and play with. They are a happy family, amidst the unjust poverty, and we are so grateful to them for letting us be a part of their family.

Rae and I slept on makeshift bamboo benches, the width must've been less than half a meter, situated in the "living room" where what protected us from the outside was just a piece of sack used to cover the doorway (they didn't have a door). So, we technically slept outside because there wasn't an adequate covering to keep the dogs, cats and what-have-you from entering and exiting the house, which is also why I have faux measles all over.

For the two nights we spent sleeping on those wooden "beds," I acquired extra eyebags, bruises and around fifty pimple-like mosquito bites on my face, arms, hands, elbows, ankle, thighs and elsewhere, which is why I still squirm like crazy when I have itch attacks. My brother actually stayed away from me when I came home in fear of getting "Chicken Pox."

Actual Souvenirs from Samal, Bataan:

One of the constellations on my face.


The big Pox on my thigh.


But after all the ups and downs, and splitting migraines of the trip, I am still happy that we went through the Immersion, because each of us had so many beautiful memories to take home with us. I also now know exactly what the song, "Magtanim ay Di Biro" means. Most of all, we are so fortunate to have been taught by the greatest teacher--Experience.

I'll never forget Nanay's cooking! Soleb, suman, calamay, sinigang...YUM!

Pre-Immersion

Pre-Immersion



Hummin': Brothers Under the Sun by Bryan Adams

At six o' clock in the morning, I, along with 16 others will be leaving Manila for Samal, Bataan where our Ateneo Immersion will be held. We will be riding a bus, a jeepney and a tricycle, and then walk on foot before we reach the farming community.

For two and a half days, we will stay with a foster family, learn to live with them and like them. We will eat only when they eat, sleep where they do and experience their lifestyle and livelihood firsthand.

I have a few experiences in interacting with our less-fortunate brothers. I have joined a couple of church outreaches where we visited orphanages, homes for the aged, and cancer and pregnancy wards of certain hospitals. However, I am hoping that as I spend my time there, I will be able to learn even more on how they survive on a daily basis, having so much less than what most of us do.

Equipped with the best intentions, I also hope that my time there will be fruitful in the sense that I will also be able to impart some knowledge or maybe touch their lives in the smallest ways. I hope that I can also correct some misconceptions that they may have about "us" and vice versa.

As I grow from sharing this experience with them, I am hoping that they also receive something in return--maybe the hopes that people like us who have more opportunities could someday provide the same for them.

Wish me luck!

Weakling

Weakling




Isn't it so hard to turn away from temptation when it's already laid out in front you?

I can try to flee away from those that make me stumble. I can try to turn a blind eye on those that make me fall. But when it's there in front of me, winking at me and coaxing me with that little finger, I just can't help but dumbly follow.

I'm sooo not doing well with self-control.

See, I'm supposed to be working to lose weight right now, and maybe giving myself a break once in a while. But for the past couple of weeks, my mom has been the one doing the groceries (and my mom is SUPER IMPULSIVE so we have a lot of junk and whatnots within reach) and my sister has been cooking and baking like crazy! I've been doing nothing, but pigging out, much like the habit of eating I used to have.

The bad thing is, I HAVE A DEADLINE TO CATCH!

I've really decided on doing all this hard work for an event in the near future. I wanted to be thinner by then and make all those "nasty people" eat all the insults they gave me. Ha! I'll make them eat so much that they'll lose appetite. (Well, that's the plan.)

But from the pattern that's forming now, I'll never be able to reach that goal on time! *wails* NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Where are you, Determination?

Senior's Syndrome Epidemia

Senior's Syndrome Epidemia



Hummin': Better Than I by Joy Williams

NEWSFLASH!

Aside from the London Bombings, and the current political struggle for power in the Philippines, there's a new trouble brewing around the Ateneo!

Symptoms:

Impulse to check people out

Feeling lonely

Envy towards other couples

Urge to flirt

Sudden awareness of the biological clock

It's aptly called the Senior's Syndrome.

When I first heard of Senior Syndrome as an Ateneo freshman, I never took it seriously, and thought that it was just a rare case among the upper classmen. But now that I'm in my final year of college, I'm beginning to see the developments of the so-called syndrome among acquaintances, classmates and (gasp) kabarkadas.

Out of the blue, everyone's looking for a significant other. Females fan their pheromones and males instantly go for the hunt. It's weird how people suddenly act as though it is a requirement to be part of a couple. Majority of our population joins into this frenzy and couples sprout up like mushrooms.

The only bad thing about this phenomenon is that I've heard that upon nearing graduation and the Senior's Syndrome wears off, there will be a lot of cases where couples break up without any reason except for "I've fallen out of love." And surely, there will be a flood of tears as these heartbroken individuals cry over the "love of their lives." (Must remember to bring a raincoat and boots.)

Tsk tsk tsk.

What's the big hurry, I say? Then again, I have to be wary for I heard that being in the company of those affected increases the risk of getting infected with this syndrome.

Oh Lord, please NO.

HP Book 6 Reservation

HP Book 6 Reservation




LARAWAN: fine arts festival 2006, and Pinoy Harry
Potter brings you the sixth installment of Harry Potter series.

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE

Reserve the sixth book through us before July 16, and
be one of the first to get the second-to-the-last
Harry Potter book.

You may contact us through: Jason (09192211787) or
Yumi (09175201700).

You can actually get it cheaper if you order through us!

Also, please tell anyone who might be interested. Thank you.

Guess Who/What?

A Poem: Guess Who/What?



This is a poem I wrote on a whim. Guess who or what the poem is referring to and check out my comment box to know the answer. Good luck!

She traveled by air
To and fro, murmuring
In their language.

Dropping in, uninvited
She ignores the glares
Of the dinner's hosts.

And begins eating her fill
Licking the dinner plate
To savor the flavor.

Then, she rests,unwary
Of death approaching
In a crumpled newspaper.

Let It Go

Let It Go



Hummin': What Makes You Different by I-don't-know

Sometimes, it's easier to just let go.

When it becomes too tough, too difficult, too stubborn,

And you get rope burns from holding on too tightly,

LET. IT. GO.

It doesn't always mean that you're giving up.

Maybe it is merely giving space...

Or taking chances...

Or giving a little time to think.

Or maybe, it's because you're tired of holding on.

Interview with Transcience

Interview with Transcience



Hummin': In My Daughter's Eyes by Martina McBride

(Excerpt from Trans' entry.)

It all starts with a game of sorts that hoodwinks the reader into thinking that the following piece is an official interview. i asked to be interviewed by [transcience] (who asked to be interviewed by this boy, who asked to be interviewed by this girl and the cycle goes on and on and that is about as far as i will go). anyway, i am answering his five questions because as i learned, you should not bite the hand that feeds you.

This interview will now begin. It is quite long, and it's all about ME. You've been warned.

1. you are allergic to math. i am known to be allergic to too much chicken and stale air (so much so that i get the hives and have difficulty breathing). would you rather keep your psychological allergy or swap it with mine? this means that you will love math and excel at it but get rushed to the hospital everytime you eat chicken. to make things worse, you absolutely have to have chicken at least twice a week.

I'd keep my own allergy, thank you. After all, I did manage to pull through from all those horrible, horrible Math classes and *yawn* professors, even if they did cause me so much stress. Now that I'm finally a Senior in college, I celebrate the thought that I never actually have to study complicated Math EVER AGAIN! Did you read that? N-E-V-E-R! Just the thought of it makes me giddy! Heeheehee!

2. you have been through a lot of online journals! what is it that drives you to maintain a number of these instead of only one?

Err, I actually write in only two of these journals. One of those in my list is a retired community blog, two of them are layouts that I did for free and offer to anyone who wants to use them. This one is my main blog, and once in a while, I also update my poetry blog: http://toinks.diaryland.com. I use my poetry blog as a storage area for my beloved poems, just in case my computer's hard drive conks out...AGAIN.

Years ago, I loved writing in notebook diaries. But I soon realized that I couldn't fill those entries accurately, because I lose interest very quickly. Unfortunately, my right hand couldn't keep up with my thoughts. I couldn't just scribble my thoughts in, because I treated my diaries as "sacred" in a way, so I had to write very neatly and then complain about having callouses on my fingers. Then, blogging came into existence and saved me! The rest, as they say, is history.

3. how has losing weight affected your perception of the world?

It has changed in terms of seeing just how determination and self-control can actually push you to that finish line. Despite my scary obesity, I actually never tried dieting in my whole life before. I used to fear that going on a diet and constantly thinking about losing weight would pull my confidence down and make my insecurities multiply. I never wanted to feel like I was inadequate, and so it was only through my doctor's threat and watching Oprah that I actually decided on changing my life.

I know I'm still a long way from my realistically ideal goal, but I'm working on it. I hope that making this life makeover will actually change other people's perceptions, because I know some judgmental adults actually whisper behind my back that my being fat is because I'm lazy and "incapable."

When in fact, I obsessed about food because I used it as a security blanket, comforting me when I'm depressed and cheering me on when I'm happy. I hope that through my own ordeal, I can also inspire even just a few people on also taking care of themselves and avoiding the Big C, Diabetes and similar diseases.

4. PROCRASTINATION is your middle name. what are your first and last names?

My first name is CRAMMING and my last name is UNDERSTANDING. I'm very reasonable, so it's rather difficult to cross over to my bad side. This is why if you're actually on my ABHOR list, you're probably a very dislikable person.

5. you are sort of turned off by bad spellers. what is one word you think that everyone should know how to spell? discuss.

I've been thinking about this question overnight, and I guess, everyone should know how to spell their own names. I mean, how could you sign documents and apply for ID's if you can't even spell your own name right? This is why I think that people in the registry should very well know how to spell or, just TYPE right because there are so many typographical errors in people's birth certificates! Even my Dad's name in his birth certificate is spelled wrong!!!

Subconscious Hints

What is the subconscious trying to say?




I've recently noticed that my sleeping hours are getting longer. Not that I have all the time in the world, but rather that my body seems to choose oblivion rather than reality. But even snoozing longer hasn't been giving me much needed rest. That's because I'm being plagued by the weirdest dreams lately...

Just a few nights before, I dreamt of being chased by three bears. I ran ahead and urged my family to run faster. We all ran for our lives, our breaths shortening as we climbed the hill. But before I could even reach the top, I heard a scream and saw the bear get one of us. I didn't know who it was or how it happened. I suddenly just woke up wishing I NEVER, ever get to meet a big, black bear in the wild.

Last night's dream is even more unpredictable. I dreamed of Jason trying to butcher me with that huge knife--in our own house! It felt so real that my heartbeats tripled, like I was competing in a do-or-die sprint! AAAHHH!!! It was freaky... I can't get the image of Jason out of my mind!

(Talk about getting trapped in your own head.)

Ah, well...I just might have to leave the light on for tonight.

No Secrets II

No Secrets II




Just a short follow-up to the "No Secrets!" post.

Extra Trivia:

--We know that fruits are requirements to a balanced meal, but fruits still contain sugar, Fructose. So, here are four fruits that hit the bottom of the list in terms of high sugar content and not much fiber:

Banana

Watermelon

Grapes

Pineapple

--When exercising, try to increase your pace when you feel like you're already comfortable. A challenging exercis is more effective in increasing stamina and burning calories. However, don't push yourself too hard lest you get injured or gain more muscles than you want (Personally, I don't want those bulky muscles).

--When you don't know where a food product originally came from, don't eat it. Anything processed loses most, if not all of its nutritional value. Also, anything that doesn't look like its original form, like white rice, should be kept at bay.

--Don't buy things in the supermarket that you know you SHOULDN'T eat. Having temptation in the house is just not going to help you through this! Try not to eat out too. Most restaurants serve really unhealthy, high-calorie meals. You don't want to sulk with your salad, do you? Resist temptation and you'll feel so much better about yourself.

--When you find yourself indulging on forbidden foods once in a while, relax and forgive yourself. Many dieters in a survey replied that once they give in to eating a lot, they feel like failures and so continue eating. Making a mistake is all too human. Remember, a success is someone who fails, but manages to stand up and try again!

GO YOU! Hehehe!!! If any of you has additional tips or just updates, tell me, OK? Hit that comment button on the lower left of this post. *wink*

I take it back!

I take it back!



Hummin': Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson

AAAAHHHH!!! The guilt is killing me. I just feel so bad. I take back what I said in my previous post. I take everything judgmental about it back!

ALL OF IT.

Truly, he is not the best speller in the world, but he's still one of the nicest people I know. He's been nothing but nice to me. Bashing him (in a way, it is) is just not right.

I'm sorry and I take it back.

Down the Pedestal

Down the Pedestal



Hummin': Wherever You Are by South Border

I admired him for so many years. I placed him on a pedestal so high you could only catch a glimpse of the soles of his feet. He was up there, alongside all the gods and goddesses that we, mere mortals, can never have.

He was the character of the man in my happily-ever-after fantasies. The kind of man who would love, cherish and protect you all the days of your life. Sometimes, it's easier to deal with a infatuation by keeping him out of reality. That way, you won't have to deal with his earthly issues.

Then again, they say that when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up. I think that saying works backwards too.

He was on top, and he came crashing down.

Sometimes you're given a chance to reach that pedestal and actually see that person for he is, face to face. The results vary in each situation. Sometimes, you love him all the more because you see his flaws, and yet you find them irresistably endearing. However, from personal experience, after I inevitably and involuntarily learn about that person's defects, I sadly realize then that this "god" somehow turns me off.

Gone is that image of perfection. Just like that. And along with it goes my made-up preconceptions.

In its place is a man that you find all too human. Zits, warts and all.

I thought getting to know him better was just going to prove my earlier impressions right. See, when I met him a few years ago, I was swept off my feet and got knocked down so hard that he became the measurement standards for all other guys. In my world, I createdand viewed him to be near perfect. I mean, he was the nicest guy with the best gentlemanly manner I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. No one, and I mean, no one even came close to how kind and considerate he was.

Now, don't get me wrong. I find out that he still holds the "Nicest Guy Award."

But.

Being the picky girl that I am, I find a little fault, a small thing that I just couldn't turn a blind eye on. He couldn't spell. Okay, he can spell most words--but he gets one ordinary word so horrifically mutated that I was just completely turned off (a more adequate definition is REPULSED).

Argh.

After all these years, why did he suddenly have to come down from that pedestal???

I wish my curiosity didn't get the better of me. Maybe then, I'd still have someone to look up to.

Paano Kaya Tayo Uunlad?

Paano Kaya Tayo Uunlad?



Hummin': (LSS) Incomplete by BSB

Hindi ako maituturing na isang napaka-optimistikong tao pagdating sa kalagayan ng ating bansa. Ni hindi ako mabibilang sa mga may tiyagang magprotesta para sa di-makatuwirang pamamalakad ng ating pamahalaan.

Passive ako sabi nila. Palagi na lamang akong abstain sa botohan. Wala raw akong pakialam. Masakit pakinggan, pero mayroong mga butil ng katotohanan. Subalit, sa kabila ng kadalasang hindi pag-imik, masasabi ko pa rin na mahal ko ang Pilipinas.

Oo, nawawalan ako ng gana kapag usapang politika o ekonomiya ang ulam sa hapag-kainan. Ayoko kasing binabagabag ako ng mga isyung hindi ko masolusyonan. Pero minsan, kahit ang baba na ng standards of expectation ko sa mga namamalakad ng ating bansa, laging pumapalpak pa rin.

(Kung hindi ka nga ba naman maiinis sa mokong na 'to.)

Nagbabantay ako sa tindahan namin kaninang umaga nang may dumating na mamang may bigoteng kasing kapal ng pinagsamang kilay ni Peter Gallagher. Nilapitan siya ng isa naming katiwala at tinanong.

Yoly: Sir, anong kelangan nila?
Mr. Bigote: Mayroon ba kayong door lock?
Yoly: Meron po.
Mr. Bigote: Meron kayo yung mumurahin lang?
Yoly: Meron, Sir. Sistema ang tatak.
Mr. Bigote: Ay, 'wag iyon. Mahal pa rin iyon eh.
Yoly: Sir, eh ano po bang kelangan niyo?
Mr. Bigote: Iyong mumurahin. Kahit 'yung hindi masyado matibay, basta tatagal siya hanggang sa matapos iyong project. (Sabay ngisi ng malapad.) Kung masisira man 'yan, sana pagkaalis ko na.
Yoly: Eh saan po ba gagamitin?
Mr. Bigote: Sa proyekto ng gobyerno--kay General ito eh.
Yoly: Ah...sige po. Ito nalang ho. Mura.

Sino bang hindi pag-iinitan ng ulo nito? Mula sa pinakamababa hanggang sa pinakataas, lahat ng mga nangakong magseserbisyo sa bayan, eh nagnanakaw lang naman. Kahit kakaunti eh wala man lang malasakit sa mga dapat makinabang sa proyektong iyon.

Pero hindi pa iyon tapos.

Noong bayaran na ang usapan, hiningi nila sa amin ang pinaka-mataas na presyo ng door lock, (iyong imported pa ha) pagkatapos ay iyon ang ipinalagay nila sa listahan para sa reimbursement.

Ang gago 'di ba?

Kaya minsan, mas gusto ko na lamang ibaling ang aking tingin sa mga mas magagandang bagay. Sa ganoon, hindi ako nawawalan ng pag-asa.

Nakalulungkot. Nakakaawa. Nakakapanghinayang.

No Secrets!

No Secrets!



Hummin': I Hope You Dance by Ronan Keating

There is no real secret or shortcuts to how you can lose those unwanted inches and still have a healthy body other than through eating less and moving more. If there is a secret solution, then maybe 61% of adult Americans wouldn't be overweight. But there is hope in hard work and perseverance.

After reading a lot of books and watching loads of Oprah, I have accumulated a rather wide collection of valuable tips and have put them into practice. As of today, I have managed to somehow lose 15 kilograms, so I guess, IT WORKS!

Knowing how much I was frustrated with myself when I was just starting on my exercise program, I hope that what I can be of help to others too. Continue reading.

1.) Exercise. No, this word freaks people out. So, let's rephrase that to MOVING. Moving more increases the burning of calories, and that means the dissolution of fats collected in the tummy area, the thighs, the upper arms, and wherever they congregate.

Try enrolling in a gym if you're someone like me who needs a better environment than the living room, which made me just want to sit around and watch TV. And to enjoy your workout, do it with a buddy! You can also opt for joining Pilates (good for the posture too), Yoga or Aerobics classes.

Personal Tips Through Experience:

Instead of taking a cab home, I take the LRT-2 and walk the 3 blocks home.

Instead of asking the maid to get my cellphone or something from the third floor of our house, I do it myself.

Instead of watching TV like a couch potato, I've progressed into a moving potato (jogging in place, stretching, doing bicep curls and other arm exercises).

Instead of taking the elevator or escalator, take the stairs. (Yes, I'm directing this to all mall-goers too.)

Doing this is the only way you can achieve a huge weight loss and still have a firm body. You don't want skin that hangs down like oversized clothes, do you? Plus, doing exercise actually releases Endorphins, happy hormones that'll help you keep the stress level stabilized.

2.) Dieting. Another word that I know freaks people into automatically thinking of torture and starvation. But what about if we rephrase this word into EATING WISELY. Starving yourself will keep you in a yo-yo cycle that is hard to get out of. If you want long-term effects, choose a dieting regime that you can maintain for the long run.

Dieting need not be a horrible experience. All you need is a little bit of patience, extra effort and determination. The following lists are guidelines.

The Complete No-no's: You're better off without these!

Junk Food (Even banana chips have to go.)

Fast Food (Say goodbye to McDo, Jollibee, Burger King, Pizza Hut etc.)

Softdrinks (One can of this is about 1/4 of sugar. You're drinking SUGAR that gets turned into fats. Plus, this kind of sugar is the type that gives you a "high" and then lets you crash afterwards.)

Sweets (No more candies, chocolates, cookies, cakes and the likes.)

Chicharon, Pork and Chicken Skin (Anything deep fried is BAAAAD.)

The Avoidables/"Sometimes" Food:

"White Stuff," and I quote Oprah, although she condemns this in her 12-week diet. (Bread, White Rice, Pastries, Yes and literarally Siopao)

Canned or boxed juices (Because I read in a book that after the juice gets squeezed from the fruit, all the fiber is taken away, and all that's left is majorly Fructose, sugar found in fruits. And again I say, excess sugar gets turned into FATS.)

The Good Stuff:

Whole Grains (Oatmeal is a good source of fiber! I suggest you look for the Old-Fashioned Quaker Oatmeal. They help with cholesterol and weight management.)

Skim or Soya Milk (Stay away from dairy: no more cream and cheese please.)

Fruits and Veggies (Our bodies need at least 5 servings of these DAILY. Fiber-rich that they are, you can feel full longer.)

Fish (If you can, try to slowly replace your meat products with fish. Maybe eat meat as rarely as you can. Fish is rich in Omega 3, which is actually good fats for the body.)

There are a lot of recipes in books, on TV and in several websites of healthy meals that are actually delicious and still are low enough in calories. Search Google, your local bookstore or look for newspaper and magazine recipes.

If you are quite a rice eater, like I used to be, don't shock your body by completely cutting it out of your diet. Try limiting yourself to a cup of rice for a week, and then to half a cup for two weeks, and then to a quarter of rice for another week. After a month, you won't even miss it!

The key here is eating in moderation. I don't think there is a strict or specific diet you have to follow. Just make sure you still get a balanced diet as much as possible. I never wanted to feel deprived, so I give myself a little allowance sometimes. Also, try to be more aware of what you put inside your mouth. Tasting a little often leads to eating a lot.

Whew...that was a long post.

However, I am willing to write a follow-up to this, adding more details if need be. I am also willing to answer questions and clarifications from othe frustrated folks like myself. Leave 'em below.

Eyes of Wonder

Eyes of Wonder




His eyes searched for mine, in deep pursuit of something that could fill the longing inside of him. His gaze intensified; his mouth tightened, as if asking me to break the code and retrieve the message behind his smooth facade.

I looked back, accidentally, momentarily.

I was caught.

My mind floated high up in the clouds, while my heart fought bravely to break free from its cage. Turmoil ruled and chaos erupted, wrecking what little composition I managed to hold onto.

My resistance waned, and I found myself sinking into that blissful mystery. The warmth invited, nay, welcomed me like an old friend that I had known for so long. The ropes that held me, snapped, one after the other...

Wait, a little voice said.

I paused to look around me, wondering what the hell I was planning to do. But I had no answers. I felt weak. I wanted to give in.

But for once, before I was completely lost, Reality drew me back.



...And I looked away.

Soon to be Rebonded

Soon to be Rebonded




I've been wanting to have my hair rebonded since last year. It wasn't because rebonded hair became the trendy thing, but rather I saw it as a way to finally tame my uncontrolled hair, which has been quite a burden since I can remember.

I begged, pleaded, compromised, but my mom just wouldn't hear it, even when I offered to pay for it myself. UNTIL, I finally decided to face my weight issue. She's been trying and nagging me to deal with it for the longest time. And I'm finally making an effort.

So I made a deal with her. I told her I would strive to reach a particular short-term weight goal, and then, she would have to finance my rebonding expense (which is way over my summer budget) in return.

Supporting my battle with the bulge, she said that if I reach the 20-pound mark before the summer is over, she'd sponsor me. On second thought, I told her I'd change the goal to 30 pounds so that it would make me work harder on myself.

She finally agreed.

After working my ass off for the last two months, my weight stabilized with a 14-kilo loss. Converted to pounds, that's a little more than thirty pounds. (Hip, hip, hurray!) She's happy and I'm even happier! So, I made the arrangements a while ago, and off I shall go to the salon next Tuesday to have my hair finally "controlled."

I CAN'T WAIT! See you then...

D.U.F.F.

D.U.F.F.




What is a DUFF, you might wonder? Well, I haven't had an idea until I watched a replay of Average Joe on ETC almost a week ago. Read on and find out. The searcher of the show, beautiful and sexy Melana, had to cut two guys out of the remaining four "joe's" left and so the producers came up with this plan to see the guys for their true colors.

Melana was made to wear prosthetics for her face and body so that she would look twice as big. Then, they passed her off as Melana's "cousin," Danielle, who was going to interview the guys. Afterwards, the guys were ushered into the poolhouse, not knowing that the place was filled with cameras to record their reactions.

The next morning, Melana plays the tape recording the guys' responses. Not surprisingly, it shows Zach, the house jerk, talking about how Danielle is a Duff. The other 3 guys didn't know what a Duff is, so Zach goes on to explain that a DUFF is a Designated, Ugly, Fat Friend and that every group of hot girls has one. He says that for a guy to get in with the girl, he must get in with the Duff of the group.

Here comes the personal effect it had on me. The bit of insecurity that hid deep down my being came rising in huge torrents. I actually felt tears dripping down my cheeks after hearing what a Duff is. See, I belong to a group of good-looking girls, in which I am the only one who is way overweight. And even though I know that my girlfriends do not see me this way, I can't help but feel that guys might have perceived me as the Duff of our group.

Ouch...

This is really petty and stupid, I know. But I really couldn't sleep well that night.

Now I'm really motivated to get rid of these extra pounds. I've lost 10 kilos (22 pounds) so far, but no one's actually noticed the difference. My sister says it's probably because half of it is only the water weight. So, I'll have to strive harder and not lose patience or determination.

After all, I didn't get this fat in just a short time. It took me years to pack in the pounds, and so it will probably take me quite a long time to get rid of them too. Go me!

Disappointed.

Disappointed.




Have you ever experienced grave disappointments from having to chase after a very enticing piece of bait for miles and miles, but then when you finally touch it with your fingers, you find out that it's nothing but an inedible, rubber chew toy?

I've been through a lot of disappointments in my short 19-going-20 years of existence. Those were times where I either grew weaker, allowing doubts and insecurities to infiltrate my system; or stronger, walking away with greater wisdom from experiences.

Despite claiming to be a practical 'realist,' I secretly am still a dreamer. I still expect, hope and dream, even if there's only the teeniest, slightest bit of a chance. Hence, I often fall flat on my face, getting nothing but muck in my mouth and salty tears in my eyes.

But inspite of the number of times I had been caught like a panic-stricken deer in front of headlights and had gotten hit right on the face, I still can't seem to get used to the pain and humiliation of my downfall. I never see it coming.

I never seem to learn.

I'm so exhausted from thinking about things that may never happen. I'm so sick of continuously chasing after hopes and dreams that may never materialize into reality. I'm just so damn tired of all this.

I just wish I could be as tough as I appear to be.

Mommy's Healing Process

Mommy's Healing Process



Hummin': Over by Lindsay Lohan

It's that awful time again because my Mommy's feeling down.
And while she's down, she tends to spread her sadness all around.
She points her finger everywhere, trying to pass the blame.
But we all know, it's only because she's overcome with shame.
So daily we trudge on each our way all with bleeding hearts;
For as Mommy mends her her broken heart, she tears ours apart.


I'm quite busy nowadays...there's nothing much on my summer to-do list that I do, but because of all kinds of errands, I can't seem to find some leisure time to spend either blogging or bloghopping. Sorry I haven't visited your blogs. Hopefully, I'll be back pretty soon.

As for the free lay-outs, it might take me a day or two to send the template codes. Email me at allergictomath@gmail.com.

Free Layouts!

Free Layouts!




Like promised, here are the layouts I've made. Please leave your comments on it, so I can improve them. And also, if any of you wants to use either one, leave your email and URL (website link) in the comment box below and I will email the code to you.


This one is rather sultry and a little darker.

Click--> Take a Bite.

...While this one is on the lighter, happier side of love.

Click--> Teddy XOXO


Hope you all liked them!

Exchanging Letters

Exchanging Letters



Hummin': My Boo by Usher/Alicia Keys

Yesterday, I found myself sorting through my white drawer of old stationaries, which was under my bed. There were more than a hundred unopened sets; some of them were scented, some had embossed details and some had famous cartoon characters.

As a little girl, I always loved receiving letters. And what better way to ensure that you receive letters than by first sending some to others? My friends and I, even though we saw and talked to each other everyday in school, still wrote to each other once or twice a week. I'm glad that I managed to save about half of them.

Majority of those, as I discovered yesterday, were full of crap (sorry). There were plenty of "how are you's," "KIT-Keep In Touch," "JAPAN-Just Always Pray At Night," "TCCIC=Take Care Coz I Care," and the reassuring "FF-Friends Forever!" at the end. Most of which, I believe, were not even half-meant by giggly elementary girls. But we loved reading them anyway.

As silly as it seems today, I believe that exchanging those letters also had a huge effect on how our friendships were cemented. Oddly enough, those letters that I managed to keep (unintentionally losing others) were from elementary and highschool friends that I remain very close to until this very day. While many of the letters I know I received, but lost, were from other friends who don't care less to what happens to me.

Maybe it was a silly ritual, or just a fad, but writing letters to my girlfriends allowed me to express my gratitude for their friendships. Now that I think about it, each letter I wrote carried a message of "Thank you for being my friend." In return, even if words were unwritten, I believe their letters to me also meant, "You're welcome...and thank you, too."


PS: Due to people asking for help with layouts, I'm making two layouts for girly (Hehe...Sorry guys!) blogs and will be releasing them for FREE early next week. Check back for updates!

Summer Freedom

Summer Freedom



Hummin': Hari ng Sablay by Sugarfree

For the first time in two years, I finally can claim that I have a summer vacation! Whoop-dee-doo!

I actually have three units to take this summer, but I guess I could just (over)load it in my Senior year. After all, after spending 2 of the previous summers inside a stuffy classroom taking notes and listening to teachers drone, I think I deserve a break.

For these upcoming months, I'm planning to spend more time inside the gym and maybe in the swimming pool. (For the fats, y'know.) Then, I'll try scouting around for some graphic design or animation classes. I really love editing photos and making layouts such as this one. Moreover, if I plan to work in the advertising field, I think these skills are huge pluses, if not, prerequisites.

And maybe, if I find one, I'd also like to enroll in a dressmaking class. My mom took one when she was still single and I've always been curious how I can create my own clothes and bags. Maybe I can start a small business in the near future, or if not, I can still use the skills someday as a wife or mom.

Ambitious, huh?

I know that I may be over-challenging myself, but I think that it's better to aim for tougher things than allow yourself to stay mediocre. And if I don't get to do all those I've listed, getting a 2 out of 3 wouldn't be bad either.

I just hope that these two months will not be wasted like the ones I've spent in highschool where all I did was accumulate fats in my body and numb my brain. I hope to be more productive and maybe become more well-rounded so I can find a nice and stable job after college.

Wish me luck! Better yet, include me in your prayers.

Couch Patatas

Couch Patatas



I'm a TV junkie. I can't live without the drama, comedy and reality TV series that make me look forward, very excitedly if I might add, to every week's new episode. So here's a post dedicated entirely to the shows that truly make me a couch potato.

1. MANHUNT, the recently concluded male model contest, where the Jon Jonsson (see little pics above) emerged victorious, despite being a couple of inches shorter than the other guys. I had been rooting for him since the second episode, after seeing so much potential in him. I was overjoyed when he won! Haha!

This was aired here in the Philippines every Tuesday of the past two months in Star World. I will terribly miss this as a MAJOR source of eye-candy. *sniffles*

2. Amazing Race 7. I've always been a fan of this show. It has wonderful settings, adrenaline rushes, and dramatic situations (what more can you ask for?). This new season features the winners of Survivor All-Stars, Rob and Amber! Rob is a very conniving and competitive guy in Survivor, so I think this season's race bears a whole lot of surprises.

3. Outback Jack. It's a mixture of The Bachelor and Survivor. The show picked the girly-girls and then placed them in the outback where there's no electricity and they had to stay in tents. Then they're made to do tasks, where the prizes are dates with the ruggedly handsome, Jack.

I didn't get to watch the start of this show, but when I chanced upon it, I found myself hooked and very amused. LOL!

Last, but definitely not the least, OPRAH.

If I have the time, I will watch all the Oprah shows day in and day out. Some of the shows contain so much life-changing lessons regarding death of loved ones, heartbreaks, child molestation and other issues in our society. Other times, they're really funny when Oprah interviews the biggest stars and gives us the what's up of their lives. Then there are episodes where she gives away her favorite things, and makes me drool like crazy with envy. There are also a lot of episodes where she rewards the good, but poor people with grants, cars, clothes and even houses.

I've only become an avid Oprah viewer late last year, but I'm glad that I am one because this show has enriched a lot of people in the two decades that it has been running. I am one among the millions. If there is a TV personality that truly made a difference in me as a person, I would say it would be Oprah.

PS: Other shows that I follow are CSI, Will and Grace, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Entertainment Tonight, Everybody Loves Raymond and American Idol. But I wouldn't want to bore anyone to death, so I've chosen to just write about my three current favorites.

Oooh, and I've been downloading Desperate Housewives! It's a fantastic series!