Love Actually

Love Actually



Feelin': A little stressed
Hummin': Too Lost in You by Sugababes

Warning: Spoilers up ahead. I tried not to be too specific but if you think it'll ruin your movie viewing then stop right now and go to the cinemas instead. It's definitely worth your time and money.

Love Actually is a UK film of several proportions. It’s a love story intertwined with several other love stories not unlike the webbed destiny we all participate in. Like the latest Friendster craze, unexpectedly, we find ourselves connected to other people through a friend of a friend of a friend. In this specific case is a story of ten different couples whose lives are interwoven with one another in a funny yet romantic tale, ranging from finding love in the oddest places to the inner torment of unrequited love, set just right before the holiday season.

The main characters, too many to mention (they’re in the picture if you’ve got 20/20 vision), are all looking for love. Each of these characters have love right in front of them, but obstacles of varying degrees hinder them from reaching out and telling these people just how much they love them. These little knots that block relationships from forming are the tasty spices of the story.

One of them, the best man who was almost mistaken for as gay, is in love with his bestfriend’s new bride. Another one is painfully in love with her officemate for two long years with everyone knowing about it. The British prime minister is in love with his “catering manager” but couldn’t make a move. A stepfather loses his wife and mistakenly thinks his son is angry with him but finds out after a little man-to-man talk that his son is confused and in love. A lover comes home only to catch his wife and brother playing a little naughty, but he finds a remedy to his heartbreak in a quaint countryside with a Portuguese he struggles to communicate to. All these and so much more of these love stories unfold one after the other as each of them gets a chance at love.

But as reality is, not everyone receives a happy ending. One will choose the love of family over the love, correction, gorgeous (*swoon* KARL *swoon*) love of her life. Another will fall into temptation and creates a rift in his marital relationship. And of course, like in all love stories, it wouldn’t be complete unless we have the one who does the sweetest things but has to sacrifice his own happiness, waiting in the shadows, continually loving without being loved in return.

I would love to recommend for EVERYONE to watch this movie, but for those who are quite sensitive to eherm…nudity, I’ll suggest passing this one up. But just to tell you, you’re missing a helluva good movie that’ll send you laughing with the Rowan “Mr. Bean” Atkinson cameos, crying with the heartbreaks of deception and sacrifice, and swooning with the aroma of love all around. With all the beauty of love portrayed exceptionally well in the movie, we are reminded quite accurately what Love Actually is.

Lookin' for Love

Lookin' for Love



Hummin': Let me love you by Jed Maddela

I've had about three people come and talk to me these past couple of days all about one subject: LOVELIFE. It seem that each of these 3 girlfriends are all looking for love, specifically in a form of a gorgeous hunk who would sacrifice everything for them in a blink of an eye. Being (sorta) reknowned for being "Doctor Love" they ask me, how would they get guys to notice them? And I say, "Just notice you?" To which they follow, "Notice me enough to court me."

These people, like a whole lot out there I'm sure, are all looking for love. They want to have someone on Valentine's Day. They want someone to cuddle with when the weather's bad, or just a little chilly. They want to receive text messages asking about their whereabouts almost every minute of the day. They want the butterflies in the stomach, the shivers in the spine, the thousand-mile-per-minute heartbeats and the kisses on the forehead (and who knows where else.)

But there's no problem with that. I have no problem with that. But they all insist that the problem is me not looking for love.

One of them asked me, "Have you ever wanted to have a boyfriend?" I respond with a shake of the head, sideways that is. She adds with a disbelieving tone, "Never?"

To which I now ask myself.

I mean, sure, I've thought about having a boyfriend. I admit, I've thought about it a few times, especially during Valentine's, walks in the beach, visiting Baguio and in between watching and reading romantic fluff. (Boy, movies do have a way of making you feel "alone") But if you mean, WANTED, like how other girls are "looking" for boyfriends, I have to answer, "No, I've never really wanted a boyfriend."

Does that make me abnormal?

For me, love will come. I mean, there's got to be someone out there just waiting to be met. But hey, as long as that certain time comes, I won't go trekking on the search for Mr. Right. Maybe there isn't even a Mr. Right but rather a Mr. I-am-just-human-but-I-can-try who can become Mr. Right in my life. Does that make sense?

Maybe it's idealistic. Maybe to some broken hearts it's an absurd principle. But I think Love is something that will come in time. Who knows when the person you're destined for is already in front of you and you in front of him, but somehow, the spark has not yet ignited? Or possibly, you and him are both in a certain sphere but you just haven't gotten the chance to discover each other yet. Then again, the One for you might be on the other side of the world just waiting for the right time.

No one knows for sure.

As long as love remains abstract, sneaky, elusive and unexpected, I guess I will stick to my waiting. Maybe then when I find him, I can say, "I've been waiting for you."




Fluff.

How am I supposed to feel?

How am I supposed to feel?

Hummin': You Had Me From Hello

I am the kind of person who loves friends. I mean, ask those who know me and they'll tell you I don't fight with friends. I can be petty, but I try not to be. I'm more like the peacemaker, the in-between, the jolly lady slash Doctor Love if need be.

When a person becomes my friend, a part of my being just attaches to them. In a way, that's a living though profound testimony of them being a part of my life. I do not claim to be the immaculate image of a friend. I'm not perfect, but I try to be there when friends need me the most. I try to offer my advice, even when it could hurt them. I do my best even to the point of sacrificing my own comforts.

If by now you believe me, maybe you can understand the depth of the pain coursing in my body and squeezing at my heart.

Just today, I realized I've lost two friends.

I considered *Doll to be a very good friend to the point that I've shared almost everything about me. But today, I realized that she isn't who I thought she was. I mean, when I met her, I thought, what a lucky girl I am to get to meet someone as nice as Doll. Not everyone are blessed with such good friends. Then, as we spent more and more time together, I found out that she was not as nice as I thought. But what the heck, I ain't nice either. Seriously, I just accepted her for who she is.

I do "accepting" a lot, which must be why I don't have much problems in life.

I thought, a little bit of understanding and a pinch more of patience will do. Apparently, I was wrong. At the time when pressure was really pushing, like a chameleon, she changed colors in a snap. Suddenly, I no longer had Doll. She was someone else, someone I didn't like...someone I couldn't just quickly accept.

For me, the special bond was a major loss. After all, if only you knew how much I treasured our friendship, you'd know I had been nothing but true from day one.

I'll miss you.

*Sniffles* I'm just about to cry here... Silly me, I know.

*Neil is one of my childhood buddies. I mean, we almost grew up together, at least from adolescence. We bonded everytime we saw each other. We used to update each other on all the new stuff. We used to go out to watch movies or just hang out. Sometimes with the group, occasionally, just us. (Don't get me wrong though. It's purely friendship.) I loved him like a brother.

Suddenly, before everything could register in my reality, he was a different person. No longer was Neil a part of our inner circle. It's as if one day he realized he was tired of us and ditched us for greener pastures. I wanted to ask, After all these years, how could you do this? How could you simply wake up one day and walk out of our lives? But I never had the guts. Like I said, I accept quickly. So, despite the ache, I accepted what everyone said: Neil had outgrown us.

Of course it hurt and it's hurting still.

My wounds have almost healed. Even though he took a rather large chunk of me, I moved on. I tried not to think about it and in a way, I guess, I tried to forget.

Then came today. I was already feeling bad from yesterday because of an issue with *Doll. I mean, the root of all the conflict was a damn project, but I realized, to a certain degree, I felt insulted because she did not respect me. She had not considered my feelings. She knew I was already annoyed when I just kept nodding and agreeing at everything she wanted, but she ignored me like I was just a pesky mosquito who would go away soon.

Back to Neil. For the longest time, I did not get more than a wave, a hello or a raise of the eyebrows when I met him in the hallways. Sometimes, I even felt like he didn't want to be identified with me. It stung like hell. Today, when I saw him, I found out we both had 2-hour breaks and nothing to do. I realized, it's the perfect time for catching up. Admittedly, I missed him.

To make the rather long story short, I had to go and tap him on the shoulder and ask him to accompany me. Then, we chatted a little about our sucky academic lives. When he mentioned about having difficulty in writing a Filipino paper, I offered my editing services. We went into the school computer lab and I tried editing his paper. About an hour later and halfway through, I looked behind to ask him about a particular statement in his paper, and found him chit-chatting with someone else.

Tsk.

I waited for him to stop talking and then asked him about the statement. Right then and there, he told me he would just edit the paper at home, stood up and went out with the person he was talking to.

To tell you the truth, I was offended. I mean, he knew I still had about an hour to go and no one to be with and yet, he just went right ahead and left me at the first sight of his new friends. I realized then that maybe our friendship would never be the same again. Maybe, a one-way input of effort would NEVER be enough. Maybe I was hoping for a lost cause.

And maybe he never knew, but was my BEST guy friend.

So now I'm sitting here, close to tears, sharing my life dramatizations with all of you when I should be studying for a Math long exam and a Foreign Language finals, which are both scheduled tomorrow. I'm such a sappy ass.

I realized...I'm stupid for giving a piece of myself. I'm stupid for hoping too much. I'm stupid for putting my heart in the hands of people who do not know the value of the friendship I had offered.

I'm so stupid.

To *Doll and *Neil, for all it's worth, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. I truly enjoyed it while it lasted.


(*Names are changed for protection...protection from other friends who might mutilate them upon reading this.)

Control Freaks

Control Freaks
Feelin': Aggravated
Hummin': CAN NOT HUM @ PRESENT TIME

Sheesh. I hate control freaks. I mean what's with the need to control everything? I thought control freaks were a rare bunch. Unfortunately, I found out that in our school, CF's are crawling everywhere, in almost every class, in almost every group. *shudders* Unless I would want to do a project or a report all by myself, I don't have a choice but to put up with them.

See how frustrating this is?!?

Argh. I hope KARMA befalls on you inconsiderate people.

Puh-leeez, gimme a break.

This is my life. Mind your own beeswax.

Race of Life

Race of Life
Feelin': Reflective
Hummin': My Immortal by Evanescence

Have you ever taken a significant break from your busy life and looked around only to find that things have changed?

Admittedly, people are busy with each of our own lives. Some work, others study; to each his own priority. But did you ever think that maybe by focusing ALL your energy on a particular goal, it could end up worse for you? I mean, sure, it would get you closer to your goal, but is losing some things you love along the way worth it?

Some people are very goal-oriented. When they want something, they strive for it. They don't give up until they actually reach the prize. But few of them realize that in the process of pooling all their time and resources for this goal, they take some other "less priorities" forgranted. This is when most of the "less priorities" say that they've been forgotten.

These pitiful competitors tend to have one-track minds. Yes, it is advantageous that once the gun was fired and the race was started as all runners took off, they never lose sight of the goal. They never look back. They never stop. They keep running and running as fast and as hard as they could with each step getting them closer to the prize. Reaching the end of that bend, yes, they win the race!

Yet, at that point when their fingers touch the prize, who's there to celebrate the victory with you when the ones who should've been there are left at the start of the race?

You can always go back to them after you've reached the prize right? Some would say.

Yes, you can probably go back to where you left them, but not all people are patient enough, especially when they feel they've been neglected, to stand there under the scorching sun, beside the race lines waiting for a runner who is not even certain to return. Not everyone is willing to stand like invisible ghosts, wallpapers in the background when you don't even give them a second glance as you run away.

The question would be, WOULD THEY STILL BE THERE?

If yes, then, good for you. Now that you've won, learn to share your victory with these friends who cheered you on. Include them in the celebration of life. Make up for all the times you've taken them forgranted. Learn to treasure them for they are the best kinds of friends you can ever find. Not realizing this fact at this point would probably be the biggest mistake of your life.

But as well all know, some will not be so lucky. Some will win and return to the starting line with trophy in one arm and no one to embrace with the other. Some will be ashamed of themselves, but unwilling to lower their prides and afraid to admit their mistakes, they won't even take the trip back.

On cold, lonely nights that spark off nostalgia, as the rain taps on the windows, they look at their reflections in the shiny gold trophy on the top of their shelves and realize that in this victory, there is indeed a very high price to pay.

...And that in this transaction, there are absolutely NO REFUNDS.

CEW

Creative Writing
Feelin': Hm...happy, I guess.
Hummin': Maybe by King

I was scheduled for my CEW (Career Exploration Workshop) today, which took about 3 hours of my very short weekend. Anyways, it is a prerequisite for shiftees and as you might know, I'm DITCHING Legal Management. For what, you ask? See title for answer.

Yes, you can pick your jaws and eyeballs from the floor now. (Remember to wash them before placing them back into the sockets, ayt?)

We (me and other shiftees) were asked by the guidance counselor, Miss Icel (cool name, huh?) to do a lot of written exercises just to determine what we want in life and how we plan to attain them. For one, we were asked to draw ourselves and our dream jobs. I couldn't think of anything but a big office with a very purty computer at my right side. I want to work in an advertising company and do freelance writing on the side as well. Hopefully, some sort of magazine or journals takes me into employment though. I could prolly enjoy just writing for a living, but then again, it wouldn't be practical.

YES, though I already look well-stuffed, I do need to eat.

After that, I think we were answer a reflection of our drawings and then, discussed it in the group. Then, we headed onto reality. From our dream jobs, we were asked to do a reality check of whether or not we possessed the skills to make them possible. (You answer that for me.)

Afterwards, we were given a "Bliss Grid." It was a sheet of paper containing four boxes. One box is for "thing you enjoy doing." The second one is "things you'd like to do if you have the money, time and resources." One of the shiftees answered wisely to this with a, "If you have time, money and resources, you can just do NOTHING." I eagerly nodded my head. LOL! The third one is for "things you're good at but take forgranted." The last one is "things you aren't good at and don't enjoy doing." Okay, I sorta paraphrased those coz I don't have a copy.

Guess what I wrote in the fourth box. MATHEMATICS. Hehehehe. No surprise there.

At the end of the CEW, I thought to myself, "Maybe I'm actually doing the right thing." Thinking, reflecting and taking a lot of things into consideration, I guess I'll prolly be happy with this more than anything. I mean, I can actually DO this and DO good and feel good about myself! What a package, huh? So there. I've made up my mind and I AM GOING TO BE A CREATIVE WRITER. Hehehe.

I'm done. Just sharing my life story here. Wish me lotsa luck. With prior experiences, I would be needing it.

This is for you, M!

This is for you, M!
Feelin': In the stinky dumps.
Hummin': Nuffin.

Sigh. I'm sooo tired of trying to fight just to stay afloat. I mean, I've done almost everything I could just so I could go and build the foundation for a lifelong dream. It was hard, I must admit. But I didn't know it was going to be this hard. I've just about exhausted all means I could get my hands on. (Well, almost.)

Darn.

Why does it always happen to me?

Why does changes for the better happen to others and when it's for the worse, I get it all?!?

Damn life.

I'm just frockin' tired and SICK of you.

~ *** ~

Look what I've whipped up:

There goes my A’s just down the drain
For what, you ask? One crappy insane-
Little flirty teacher who came from hell
She’s made from what? I couldn’t tell.

I s'ppose it's not right to point fingers, but believe me, it's a spur-of-the-moment thing.

True Friends Forever

True Friends Forever
Feelin': Nostalgic
Hummin': Here I Am by Bryan Adams

I am in a cleaning mood today. And as most of you prolly know, cleaning up means digging through old stuff and most of the time, stumbling upon an object long forgotten. I found a lot of things today that just made me reminisce the good ol' days, days when life was so much sweeter, smoother, easier.

It seems like eons ago, but in fact, barely six years has gone past.

I feel sentimental, like something inside me just wants to return to the past, the time in my life where the gift of friendship was tested and proved to be strong. I still remember fights over petty things that left some friendships in shattered pieces and some into stronger bonds.

There's this one fight that destroyed one of the most comfortable friendships I ever had. She and I used to laugh together over the littlest things. But one petty crush turned her against me. I didn't know she liked the same guy, neither did she know I had been eyeing him for quite some time. When she found out, I expected us to chatter about him non-stop, but she was never the same. She severed any of the ties we had and I found myself hurting and alone.

I moved on, changed and met new friends who I became close with. I slept over her house a couple of times, and we were inseparable in school. She and I didn't have the same interests but we enjoyed each other's company. We were both happy-go-lucky, had infectious laughter and loved passing notes in class. I had a good year with her, but then one morning, it suddenly felt different like she turned over a new leaf overnight. Nothing was ever the same again. When I look back now, I feel a pang of regret because she and I had shared so much fun just by being together.

All through the trials and challenges of growing up, my bestfriend since kindergarten never left me though. She was there to listen, to support, even though we belonged to different groups of friends in school. I told her about my problems, how I felt like an outsider to my friends who were changing faster than I could say, "highschool." It sounds silly now, but back then, it felt like a spark of hope in a cold, dark room. She offered her own group of friends.

I was hesitant at first. I mean, becoming friends with a certain person takes time and chemistry. I can't just barge in their group one day and start inhaling in their personal breathing space. But my bestfriend was insistent. She reassured me over and over again that everything would be fine. I finally agreed. Back then, everyone in their group had to agree that I could be allowed in their group before I was considered one of them. (It's a girl thing.) Fortunately, everyone said YES.

Soon enough, I found myself belonging to this new group, a tight circle of girlfriends who managed to stay together despite the tides of time. When almost all cliques we knew of dissolved or parted, theirs remained whole through the bad times and the good. I am glad and proud to say that 6 years ago, I found their group and they welcomed me with open arms and willing hearts. In a week's time, awkwardness was forgotten. In a month's time, I belonged like I've known them forever. Now, six years past, I can say they've become a major part of my life. I wouldn't be the ABI I am now if it wasn't for all of them.

T.F.F. stands for True Friends Forever.

Naming a clique sounds childish, I know, but when I think back of how we came up with this name, I realize, it's the meaning of the words that mattered. For until today, despite time, change and distance, we still vow to be True Friends Forever.

L-oser

Loser
Feelin': Fidgety
Hummin': Shoulda Woulda Coulda (courtesy of Myx)

Disclaimer: This post was for yesterday when I was in a hoo-boy BAD mood, but couldn't post it because blogger had problems. Grr. So, don't relate this today, because today is so far better than all the days of my week!!!

There are times in your life where you just stop for a while and sit by the side of the road. I had one such stop yesterday. I took a career impulse and inclination exam in my first semester of freshman year called the JVIS. It was only yesterday that I finally got around to listen to my interpreted results. Not surprisingly, results on particular modes of job are highly contrasting.

Take for example, the most abhorred MATHEMATICS. I had to go and ask the guidance counselor on what to put in my computations since a ZERO did not belong anywhere. The lowest percentage, which was aptly called VL for Very Low, covered 1 to 7 percent only. Zero just did not fit anywhere. The counselor looked puzzled for a minute and then just told me to place VL on the side. SHEESH. I was mentally scratching my head thinking, MATH is just not right for me, huh?

Then again, I also raked points in certain jobs. Say AUTHOR JOURNALISM & CREATIVE ARTS. I got a 16 and a 15 out of 17 respectively. The percentage was something around 93 percent and above. Imagine just how a diagram of my answers would’ve looked like. Something in the likes of David, the ant, and Goliath, the elephant. Hehehe!!!

That just screams, "SHIFT OUT OF YOUR COURSE RIGHT NOW!!! ANYTHING WITH MATH AIN'T JUST RIGHT FOR YOU!" doesn't it?

Argh.

I hate how I keep complaining about my sucky life when many people in this world have much much bigger problems to handle and bigger fish to fry. (I have a tiny one, but until I get that F, she remains untouchable.) But in a sense, this blogging ventilation has become a necessity to keep my sanity intact. I know I am not exactly on the verge of my whole world crumbling down in pieces, but it sure feels like it.

I actually feel sorry for myself.

DID I JUST PROCLAIM THAT OUT LOUD?!?

*Gasps! Covers mouth with both hands.*

I have just sunk lower than low!

I am officially a pathetic sorry-ass loser.

Sniffles.


(What the hell is wrong with Blogger changing my apostrophe(s) into 3 incomprehensible symbols!?! Wasted my time trying to get rid of 'em all!)

SPLAT.

SPLAT.

Feelin': ARGH.
Hummin': Last Chance by Allure

Isn't it just odd that I'm actually listening to LAST CHANCE on Kazaa when I've just about ran out of it? What a strange game Destiny plays. Ever heard of my famed Atenean life? I've been through experiences here that'll bring you to tears...either of joy or of pity. It's sad really, when most of the people easily say "College's a breeze" and I couldn't disagree more.

Sometimes, when I think about it I can't find anyone to blame, except maybe most of my *bleep* misjudging Ateneo teachers, but myself. Why did I have to choose this course when there was a a lot of uncertainty on my part? Why did I let myself get carried away with the consensus? Why did I have to gain everyone's nod of approval and their resounding "Ooh's" and "Aahh's" upon hearing of my prestigious Legal Management course? What the hell was I thinking?!?

Was it my inflated ego that enjoyed the attention too much, thus allowing myself to convince my nagging little voice to shut up? Or was it a risk I took and now have to pay for? I can only look back with regret and ponder.

So here I balance dangerously at the end of a precipice wearing purple polka-dotted tights laced with pink ruffles, holding a large multicolored opened umbrella and wearing no goddamn parachute. What a way to go, huh?

As they often say, "Life's a wheel. Sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down."

Well, I was way up and now on my fast way down. Just me and my misery.



ZOOOOOOOOM..... Splat.



Take a shovel. I think you're going to have a hard time scraping my face off the floor.

Or... if you'd rather, you can just leave it there.