Changing

Change is hard.

It is in our human nature to resist change, and yet, change is also inevitable. Even the hardest of rocks gets weathered and transformed by nature's elements... Sometimes, even without it moving an inch.

I turned 25 this year and I vowed to change. I announced to the world that I would make this year a truly unforgettable one. And that only meant that I HAVE BECOME WILLING TO CHANGE, to be sharpened and molded into becoming a better version of me. And for someone as stubborn and as "sigurista" as I am, it would mean risking failure and becoming openly vulnerable to whatever God plans for me.

Fear tries to hold me back, but a voice inside me reminds me of my promise to change. So I go on, one uncertain step at a time with a lot of faith in my heart, and bright smile on my face. See you when I get there!

Here's to a new me! Cheers! :D

A Great Reminder to Wait

"Lord, I am ready to commit myself to someone I want to fall in love with. Could I take him now? I have prayed for him for quite a time now."

But the Lord answered, "No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone. You need to give yourself totally unreserved to Me because in Me your satisfaction is to be found and when you learn to commit yourself to Me alone then, only then is the right time for you to be capable of perfect human relationship that I have planned for you long before you thought of it.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me. You will never learn to speak and understand the true language of love until you hear Me speak it. You will never learn how it is to love and be loved until you feel the tender touch of My Love.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to step in and give you the most surprising and exciting plan that you can imagine. You are My child. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. Fix your eyes on Me and expect the greatest things as you watch.

Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM. Learn all the things I tell you and be patient. Just wait.

Don't be anxious. Do not worry. Don't look around and feel jealous at the things others may have gotten. Yours will be different because I LOVE YOU. Don't look at the things you think you want. They may not be the things I want for you. Look up straight at Me because you might miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a lover far more wonderful than what you would ever dream of. But I won't let you have it until you are ready and the one I prepared for you is ready, until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you."

Women, Food and God: An Excerpt

The bottom line, whether you weigh 340 pounds or 150 pounds, is that when you eat when you are not hungry, you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredom or illness or loss or grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. Food is only the middleman, the means to the end. Of altering your emotions. Of making yourself numb. Of creating a secondary problem when the original problem becomes too uncomfortable. Of dying slowly rather than coming to terms with your messy, magnificent, and very, very short—even at a hundred years—life. The means to these ends happens to be food, but it could be alcohol, it could be work, it could be sex, it could be cocaine.

For a variety of reasons we don't fully understand (genetics, temperament, environment), those of us who are compulsive eaters choose food. Not because of its taste. Not because of its texture or its color. We want quantity, volume, bulk. We need it—a lot of it—to go unconscious. To wipe out what's going on. The unconsciousness is what's important, not the food.

Sometimes people will say, "But I just like the taste of food. In fact, I love the taste! Why can't it be that simple? I overeat because I like food."

But.

When you like something, you pay attention to it. When you like something—love something—you take time with it. You want to be present for every second of the rapture. But overeating does not lead to rapture: It leads to burping and farting and being so sick that you can't think of anything but how full you are.

That's not love; that's suffering.

Musophobia

I hate rodents.

I'm so terrified of them that I lose all sense of pride and poise whenever a creature presents itself, scurrying in my path. Imagine their dark gray hair, tiny feet with tiny little claws, probably teeming with germs and a sly, devious face that not even a mother could love.

Even when I avoid them, they terrorize me no end.

Now they're back in the kitchen, leaving little black poop pellets where our pans and pots are placed and I'm afraid that they'll contaminate the food we eat.

I HAAATE THEM. I'm going to buy more of those sticky glue papers and boards as soon as I get off work. And then when they get caught, we'll fold them up and squish them to death.

Grrrr.