Because I'm a Girl MV

Because I'm a Girl MV

Has anyone of you ever watched the video of KISS entitled Because I'm a girl? O. M. G.

This is the first time that a music video has made me cry. The video is so darn heartwarming, heartwrenching...heart-something. Awww... Just the mere memory of it makes my heart clench...I want to cry. Yes, I am a sentimental fool who wants to believe in the fantasies of love. The keyword there is WANTS TO, but forces herself to stop floating in dreamland.

I am a person who gets easily carried away by what I watch or read. I can not cry over things such as failing grades or other stupid stuff because of sheer embarassment, which is why I cry easily when I'm alone. But this is just my theory. Yeah, I'm a crybaby at heart. I usually go "Awww" or "How sweet" over things but only in my head. I'm usually in denial on the outside.

Question is why? Why do things make us want to believe and yet keeps us from believing it? Laboh.

Let me explain. It's like this. When I read or watch fairytale-ending movies or books, I so want to believe in the magic of love, the purity and beauty of falling in love. And yet, after shedding a few tears, I return to my ol' self. I force myself to stop, see the real world for what it really is and not what it's portrayed as. I cease to hope, to dream of a knight or prince charming who would whisk me away to a castle and love me for eternity. What is there to dream about anyway? Weird, aren't I? Yeah, more like crazy. I know. I am like the extreme of opposites.

In totality, I think I'm just afraid to hope for fear of disappointment. I mean, it's like wanting something that you know that can never be yours. Living in a fantasy world is definitely addictive too. The more you create a perfect realm of your own where you can be whoever you want to be and everything you wish for comes true, you realize that that fantasies are better, sweeter and you'd rather have that than face the rotting reality that we exist in. Hardcore, huh? Wake up bud. Life's not a bowl of cherries.

Yeah...I'm pathetic...obviously because I'm speaking from firsthand experience. I used to believe in everything good...until, my eyes were opened to what's real. *sigh*

How I wish that I was a little bit denser and naive, then it would've taken me longer to realize that I was living in a dream. Each day would've been worth looking forward too if I still had something honestly good to believe in. I mean, look at me now. Here I am, wallowing in self-pity and whatnot.

Grrr. I'm beginning to dislike blogging in, coz everytime I do, I write some emotional shit. Argh.

Love Song

A fantastic song...unbelievable message of love...

LOVE SONG
By Third Day


I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves
How many times has he broken that promise
It has never been done
I never climbed the highest mountain, but I walked the hill of Calvary
Just to be with you I'd do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you I'd give everything
Oh I'd give my life away

And I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves
All of those dream are empty motion
It has never been done
I've never swam the deepest ocean, but I've walked upon the raging sea
Just to be with you I'd do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you I would give everything
I would give my life away

And I know that you don't understand the fullness of my love
How I died upon the cross for your sins
And I know that you don't realize how much that I give you
And I promise I would do it all again

Just to be with you I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay
Just to be with you I gave everything
Yes I gave my life away
I gave my life away
Just to be with you

Unwholesome Post Right Here

Unwholesome Post Right Here

Some people believe in being that they are at the very top. Yes, these are the ones tagged as SUPERIOR beings. They are the pretty, the smart, the excellent, the skilled, the gifted. They are exceptional, extraordinary...and they know it. That's the sad part. They know it.

Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. FART. Fuck the world.

Get me out of this hellhole. This is one damned world I live in. TO HELL WITH EVERYTHING ELSE.

I will never amount to anything. I will never be enough. I will never be who I am. I will NEVER be who you want me to be.

Well, damn you. Damn you and your fucking expectations. What you didn't do in your lifetime is not my obligation to fulfill.

And you know fucking well what I'm talking about.

I AM WHO I AM. So what if I'm different? So what if I don't care about what other people think or say of me? So what if I feel that what you think doesn't matter? Must I always yield to the pitiful fucking bullshit of society's standards? Must I bend to their wishes? Must I always conform to what they think is right, to what they think is true? Damn them...and damn you for making feel that what I'm doing is wrong. But I know fully well what I am. I am who I am.

And you're not going to change that.

Is it wrong to live how I want to? Is it wrong to think that I am special and gifted in my own way? Is it wrong to think that I am happy and contented as I am ME? Is it wrong to pretend I don't mind you always putting me down? Is it wrong to just forget all my mistakes and move on as if nothing happened? Is it wrong to be HAPPY? Is there such a thing as being too happy? Too happy that people think you're a useless, pathetic parasite who hasn't got a purpose in this world? Is it wrong to think that stopping and smelling the flowers is just as important as running in the race? Must I always be on the run?

For when I stop to rest, you call me useless, lazy. When I stop to think, you say I fantasize. GET OUT AND LOOK AT THE REAL WORLD, you say. Well, I am living in the real world. My world is as real as can be, it's just different from where you look... for you do not understand. And don't say you do. YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY. Is it impossible and so unbelievable that I am happy and contented in my imperfections? And who are you to judge? Keep your misery. I have enough problems to handle, and I am capable of it, thank you. Don't go pouring your bitterness on me.

I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU AND YOUR FAR-FETCHED AMBITIONS. I HATE YOU.

I am apathetic. I am indifferent. Honestly, I don't care.

But Is it wrong? Is it wrong to stand in neutral? Does it always have to be black and white? Right and wrong? Do I have to take a side, to make a choice? Is it wrong to stand and look from the sides? Is it wrong to sit and listen? Is it wrong to applause for others? Is it wrong to be proud and confident because I have learned to accept myself as I am, as a whole being? Is it wrong to look in the mirror and see a happy person looking back? Is it wrong to be satisfied with what little I have? Is it wrong? AM I LIVING A LIE?

Tell me, if what I'm doing is wrong...and you are right, Why am I happy? Why are you sad and bitter and callous while I can smile through a wrinkle-filled day? Why?

When you find the answer, you'll learn that you'll never get rid of your petty insecurities until you accept that some things just don't work the way you want them to. Some things are just meant for others...but you can be happy. You can be happy by loving and living with the knowledge that you are you...and you are one helluva individual...that you are special...that there's always going to be someone loving you...and that living is fulfilling only when you get to do what you want.


Enjoy life, it only comes your way once. Don't tell me that I have no future. For you are not the one who dictates what happens to me. I have MY own fate, MY own dreams to follow.

GET OVER IT.

Stir not my heart...

UNTITLED
Suggestions for a title would be VERY much appreciated.

Stir not my heart, do not let flatter
Deceive you with what sweet lips can utter
From such clever attempts you must flee
For once you’re caught, you stop to see-
The madness that will fill your head
The slow torture that remains unsaid.

It would be wise to be on guard
Rather than keep foolish disregard
For the cunning will pursue the prey
And then all reason will go astray
So heed my advice, keep my words in hand
Someday I know you will understand…

I may sound bitter, callous from the pain…
But you see it’s because I have loved, but lost once again.

Aha... another stroke of genius! (Kapal eh noh?) Whahahaha!

For other poems, visit my poetry blog.