Really P.O.-ed

Really P.O.-ed

Here I am... pissed as usual. Why? Well, lemme tell you.

I've been writing quite a few stories nowadays. I've been working on this particular one entitled, "Echoes of the Past" and I've pretty much gotten the gist of it. I was receiving good feedback...some advice, but nevertheless, they were all on a positive note.

I have managed to write and update 10 chapters so far in like one month something. Everything is going smoothly since the story is unwrapping itself, presenting twists and turns as I go along. Most twists in the plot wasn't even included in my basic idea when I started writing...which means, all is doing good.

And then, today happened.

I was about to edit one chapter of the story and by some FREAKISH accident, I clicked on the wrong button and erased...I repeat, ERASED the WHOLE STORY. This hurts like hell. I am sooo pissed right now! I have received 93 STORY REVIEWS so far...and two of those reviewers happen to be REALLY (and I mean REALLY) excellent writers that I look up to!

And I had to erase the whole story...and with it, ALL the reviews! WAAAHHH!!! I just LOST all the reviews and there's NO WAY to retrieve it.

*Hits her head on the table.*

My Sister, Eunice.

Just moments ago, my sister, Eunice, came barging in my room with a crumpled paper in hand. She was so excited about something and kept shoving the paper under my nose as I kept typing on the computer. I finally looked up only to see a hastily scribbed telephone number on the piece of paper.

"Abi o! Gusto mo maging scriptwriter? Eto o, sa ABS-CBN!" she shrieked enthusiastically.

"Huh?" It took a while before my brain gears started clinking into motion.

"Libre lang 'to! 18 years old and above! Eksakto!"

WHOA. The shy ol' Abi kicked in again. "Samahan mo ako?"

"Hmm, sige! Pero samahan lang!" It never fails to amaze me how nice she can be when she wanted to.

I could only smile as I felt my heart grow a little bigger, a little richer.

"Yan ah, kopyahin mo! Baka maging scriptwriter ka na! Diba dream mo yan?" I could only nod. She left my room with a wide and wacky grin, a satisfied look on her face as if completing a mission. If her mission was to make me glad, she's done exactly that...and more.

I had never thought she actually had so much faith in me. I mean, we aren't the kind of sisters who share everything from clothes to make-up all that jazz. (How could we when I'm jumbo sized and she's normal?) We always did have our little squabbles over the remote control, resto bills and the like. But we have that kind of a special rapport probably just because of the same blood running in our veins. It was a known fact in this household that I do love writing and I write just whenever and wherever and I could go on and on about a story I read even if no one's really interested, however I didn't know that she thought so highly of my talent, of my dream.

It's just that...a little thing like this made me so much more confident about myself. It's being armed with that knowledge that someone believes in you with so much faith and support that you can't help but feel good with yourself. Awwww... she's just moved me (who says faith can't move mountains, or in this case, boulders?) in ways I really can not explain with mere words. But it's something I will probably never forget and so, someday when and IF I do realize my dream, I'll be sure to place her name in front of my masterpiece.

To my sister Eunice.
For keeping the faith.

Life Sucks. BIG TIME.

Because I'm a Girl MV

Because I'm a Girl MV

Has anyone of you ever watched the video of KISS entitled Because I'm a girl? O. M. G.

This is the first time that a music video has made me cry. The video is so darn heartwarming, heartwrenching...heart-something. Awww... Just the mere memory of it makes my heart clench...I want to cry. Yes, I am a sentimental fool who wants to believe in the fantasies of love. The keyword there is WANTS TO, but forces herself to stop floating in dreamland.

I am a person who gets easily carried away by what I watch or read. I can not cry over things such as failing grades or other stupid stuff because of sheer embarassment, which is why I cry easily when I'm alone. But this is just my theory. Yeah, I'm a crybaby at heart. I usually go "Awww" or "How sweet" over things but only in my head. I'm usually in denial on the outside.

Question is why? Why do things make us want to believe and yet keeps us from believing it? Laboh.

Let me explain. It's like this. When I read or watch fairytale-ending movies or books, I so want to believe in the magic of love, the purity and beauty of falling in love. And yet, after shedding a few tears, I return to my ol' self. I force myself to stop, see the real world for what it really is and not what it's portrayed as. I cease to hope, to dream of a knight or prince charming who would whisk me away to a castle and love me for eternity. What is there to dream about anyway? Weird, aren't I? Yeah, more like crazy. I know. I am like the extreme of opposites.

In totality, I think I'm just afraid to hope for fear of disappointment. I mean, it's like wanting something that you know that can never be yours. Living in a fantasy world is definitely addictive too. The more you create a perfect realm of your own where you can be whoever you want to be and everything you wish for comes true, you realize that that fantasies are better, sweeter and you'd rather have that than face the rotting reality that we exist in. Hardcore, huh? Wake up bud. Life's not a bowl of cherries.

Yeah...I'm pathetic...obviously because I'm speaking from firsthand experience. I used to believe in everything good...until, my eyes were opened to what's real. *sigh*

How I wish that I was a little bit denser and naive, then it would've taken me longer to realize that I was living in a dream. Each day would've been worth looking forward too if I still had something honestly good to believe in. I mean, look at me now. Here I am, wallowing in self-pity and whatnot.

Grrr. I'm beginning to dislike blogging in, coz everytime I do, I write some emotional shit. Argh.

Love Song

A fantastic song...unbelievable message of love...

LOVE SONG
By Third Day


I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves
How many times has he broken that promise
It has never been done
I never climbed the highest mountain, but I walked the hill of Calvary
Just to be with you I'd do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you I'd give everything
Oh I'd give my life away

And I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves
All of those dream are empty motion
It has never been done
I've never swam the deepest ocean, but I've walked upon the raging sea
Just to be with you I'd do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you I would give everything
I would give my life away

And I know that you don't understand the fullness of my love
How I died upon the cross for your sins
And I know that you don't realize how much that I give you
And I promise I would do it all again

Just to be with you I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay
Just to be with you I gave everything
Yes I gave my life away
I gave my life away
Just to be with you

Unwholesome Post Right Here

Unwholesome Post Right Here

Some people believe in being that they are at the very top. Yes, these are the ones tagged as SUPERIOR beings. They are the pretty, the smart, the excellent, the skilled, the gifted. They are exceptional, extraordinary...and they know it. That's the sad part. They know it.

Fart. Fart. Fart. Fart. FART. Fuck the world.

Get me out of this hellhole. This is one damned world I live in. TO HELL WITH EVERYTHING ELSE.

I will never amount to anything. I will never be enough. I will never be who I am. I will NEVER be who you want me to be.

Well, damn you. Damn you and your fucking expectations. What you didn't do in your lifetime is not my obligation to fulfill.

And you know fucking well what I'm talking about.

I AM WHO I AM. So what if I'm different? So what if I don't care about what other people think or say of me? So what if I feel that what you think doesn't matter? Must I always yield to the pitiful fucking bullshit of society's standards? Must I bend to their wishes? Must I always conform to what they think is right, to what they think is true? Damn them...and damn you for making feel that what I'm doing is wrong. But I know fully well what I am. I am who I am.

And you're not going to change that.

Is it wrong to live how I want to? Is it wrong to think that I am special and gifted in my own way? Is it wrong to think that I am happy and contented as I am ME? Is it wrong to pretend I don't mind you always putting me down? Is it wrong to just forget all my mistakes and move on as if nothing happened? Is it wrong to be HAPPY? Is there such a thing as being too happy? Too happy that people think you're a useless, pathetic parasite who hasn't got a purpose in this world? Is it wrong to think that stopping and smelling the flowers is just as important as running in the race? Must I always be on the run?

For when I stop to rest, you call me useless, lazy. When I stop to think, you say I fantasize. GET OUT AND LOOK AT THE REAL WORLD, you say. Well, I am living in the real world. My world is as real as can be, it's just different from where you look... for you do not understand. And don't say you do. YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY. Is it impossible and so unbelievable that I am happy and contented in my imperfections? And who are you to judge? Keep your misery. I have enough problems to handle, and I am capable of it, thank you. Don't go pouring your bitterness on me.

I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU AND YOUR FAR-FETCHED AMBITIONS. I HATE YOU.

I am apathetic. I am indifferent. Honestly, I don't care.

But Is it wrong? Is it wrong to stand in neutral? Does it always have to be black and white? Right and wrong? Do I have to take a side, to make a choice? Is it wrong to stand and look from the sides? Is it wrong to sit and listen? Is it wrong to applause for others? Is it wrong to be proud and confident because I have learned to accept myself as I am, as a whole being? Is it wrong to look in the mirror and see a happy person looking back? Is it wrong to be satisfied with what little I have? Is it wrong? AM I LIVING A LIE?

Tell me, if what I'm doing is wrong...and you are right, Why am I happy? Why are you sad and bitter and callous while I can smile through a wrinkle-filled day? Why?

When you find the answer, you'll learn that you'll never get rid of your petty insecurities until you accept that some things just don't work the way you want them to. Some things are just meant for others...but you can be happy. You can be happy by loving and living with the knowledge that you are you...and you are one helluva individual...that you are special...that there's always going to be someone loving you...and that living is fulfilling only when you get to do what you want.


Enjoy life, it only comes your way once. Don't tell me that I have no future. For you are not the one who dictates what happens to me. I have MY own fate, MY own dreams to follow.

GET OVER IT.

Stir not my heart...

UNTITLED
Suggestions for a title would be VERY much appreciated.

Stir not my heart, do not let flatter
Deceive you with what sweet lips can utter
From such clever attempts you must flee
For once you’re caught, you stop to see-
The madness that will fill your head
The slow torture that remains unsaid.

It would be wise to be on guard
Rather than keep foolish disregard
For the cunning will pursue the prey
And then all reason will go astray
So heed my advice, keep my words in hand
Someday I know you will understand…

I may sound bitter, callous from the pain…
But you see it’s because I have loved, but lost once again.

Aha... another stroke of genius! (Kapal eh noh?) Whahahaha!

For other poems, visit my poetry blog.

Unmasked

Unmasked

It is only now that I realize
The hint of menace in your eyes
The evil glint that it supplies
The subtle poison of your sweet lies

For your deception I paid the price
A fool no more, I break the ties
From the blinding darkness I now arise
I have looked through your masked disguise.


They are just random thoughts put together. Inspired by idea of a story where a guy plays with a girl's feelings, while the girl falls into his trap blindly.

For other poems, visit my poetry blog.

Paglisan

Paglisan

Sa iyong paglisan, puso ko'y nalulumbay
Nag-aalala sa iyong paglalakbay.
Nawa mga pangarap iyong matamo
Ang mga pagkakataon, nasa kamay mo.

Sa mga oras ng hirap at pag-iisa
Huwag na huwag kang padadala.
Sapagkat sa bawat daan na iyong tatahakin
Kasa-kasama mo ang aking panalangin.

Ang mga yapak na iyong iiwan
Sa akin magsisilbing mga palatandaan.
Sa mga oras na ating pinagsamahan
Sa kalungkutan man o sa kaligayahan.

Sa iyong paglisan, lagi mo lamang tatandaan.
Hinding-hindi kita malilimutan, kaibigan.


I wrote this when our maid who I really treasured as a friend left.

(Gross) Eye Candy

(Gross) Eye Candy

Oooookkkkaaaaayyyy...to make up for that babbling nonsense,I'm going to post up some eye candy! It might not be the kind you're used to though. LOL!



Pwedeng-pwede na panakot ng daga. Oo, kahit pusa. Actually, kahit ASO! Hehehe!!! Enjoy peeps!!!

This just oughta tell you... that YOU (yes, the ones in the picture) brighten up my day! WAAHOOOO!!! May mga na-touch diyan... Hahaha!

YET UNTITLED.

Wala kasi akong magawa kaya sinubukan kong tapusin itong spur-of-the-moment poem.

YET UNTITLED.

Out of the dirt, covered in ashes, soot and dust.
From the deepest darkest realms, you've picked me up.
You washed away every speck of sin on my body.
You open my eyes and your glory I finally see.

**Lord I am thankful, eternally grateful.
And as your child, I vow to be forever faithful.
For you have given me a second chance to live.
Oh Lord, I believe, I believe.
I WILL LIVE.

Every morning, there's new found hope in each day.
More and more of your blessings are sure to come my way.
For you have taught me how to walk by your side.
I am no longer afraid for I've become your child.

Repeat ** (Whahaha!)

Suggestions for an appropriate title are very much welcome.
SUGGEST, SUGGEST, SUGGEST!!!

Birth of my Blog!

Birth of my Blog!

Yehehey! Celebration people!

I finally got a blogspot with mucho thanks to Anna Banana! Xie xie!

I am quite excited at this new 'project', though I honestly don't know what I am going to do with this. But then, what the heck!

What am I going to post up? Think, think, think. Gotta get my creative juices running! They've been on the shelf for so long I think they're starting to get molds. Oh boy, I can't wait, can't wait, can't wait to post here! (Hindi obvious eh noh?)

WARNING: I'm going to post up stuff that might not interest you...but I don't care. This is my blogspot. My world, my rules. Yeah!

I'm as loony as ever! But then, that's not anything new, is it? So be ready for some madness in here!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!