Has anyone of you ever watched the video of KISS entitled Because I'm a girl? O. M. G.
This is the first time that a music video has made me cry. The video is so darn heartwarming, heartwrenching...heart-something. Awww... Just the mere memory of it makes my heart clench...I want to cry. Yes, I am a sentimental fool who wants to believe in the fantasies of love. The keyword there is WANTS TO, but forces herself to stop floating in dreamland.
I am a person who gets easily carried away by what I watch or read. I can not cry over things such as failing grades or other stupid stuff because of sheer embarassment, which is why I cry easily when I'm alone. But this is just my theory. Yeah, I'm a crybaby at heart. I usually go "Awww" or "How sweet" over things but only in my head. I'm usually in denial on the outside.
Question is why? Why do things make us want to believe and yet keeps us from believing it? Laboh.
Let me explain. It's like this. When I read or watch fairytale-ending movies or books, I so want to believe in the magic of love, the purity and beauty of falling in love. And yet, after shedding a few tears, I return to my ol' self. I force myself to stop, see the real world for what it really is and not what it's portrayed as. I cease to hope, to dream of a knight or prince charming who would whisk me away to a castle and love me for eternity. What is there to dream about anyway? Weird, aren't I? Yeah, more like crazy. I know. I am like the extreme of opposites.
In totality, I think I'm just afraid to hope for fear of disappointment. I mean, it's like wanting something that you know that can never be yours. Living in a fantasy world is definitely addictive too. The more you create a perfect realm of your own where you can be whoever you want to be and everything you wish for comes true, you realize that that fantasies are better, sweeter and you'd rather have that than face the rotting reality that we exist in. Hardcore, huh? Wake up bud. Life's not a bowl of cherries.
Yeah...I'm pathetic...obviously because I'm speaking from firsthand experience. I used to believe in everything good...until, my eyes were opened to what's real. *sigh*
How I wish that I was a little bit denser and naive, then it would've taken me longer to realize that I was living in a dream. Each day would've been worth looking forward too if I still had something honestly good to believe in. I mean, look at me now. Here I am, wallowing in self-pity and whatnot.
Grrr. I'm beginning to dislike blogging in, coz everytime I do, I write some emotional shit. Argh.
